This is the third in my continuing series about things that confuse me.
I am a Democrat. My mother and father were Democrats. In my family, if you’re not a Democrat, you’re something else.
So when I say that the Democrats are confusing me into bewilderment, it’s said with undying loyalty to a band of gypsies trudging through the forest, beset by wolves, mosquitoes, snakes, and killer rabbits in search of a safe campsite.
Now, the good thing about being a pundit-in-training is that you don’t have to really know anything. You just have to opine. And the good thing about being a curmudgeon is that you can rant and rail to your heart’s content with no content whatsoever.
But I digress. Democrats.
What are you thinking? Or are you thinking? The elephants are handing you this election on a silver platter with silver place settings for hundreds, and you’re acting like donkeys.
As a party member in mediocre standing, I have some questions:
- What do we stand for?
- What are our values?
- How are we different from the elephants?
- What can reasonably be done about the Mesopotamia?
- How can we fix the budget crisis looming over social security, Medicaid, Medicare, and the failure of science to cure the heartbreak of baldness?
- Is Hillary too sexy to be president? (According to Sharon Stone, she is.)
- The country’s infrastructure is falling apart. Do you have a plan to make it safe to drive over bridges without the tune, “London Bridge is falling down,” running through your brain?
- What are you going to do about the outsourcing of tech support to Indians whose command of the English language rivals that of Lithuanians in mountain villages?
- What’s your plan to turn America’s global image around so we’re no longer the assholes of the world?
- Do we have an outrage factor anymore, or are we content to sit quietly, hands folded in laps, praying that the elephants will self-destruct? Do you know how hard it is to self-destruct something as big as an elephant? Have you ever tried?
- Are there people in leadership who have a sense of humor? Can you unleash them? Don’t you realize that laughter and ridicule are the best weapons against the hapless elephants? Elephants may never forget, but they don’t have a very good sense of humor. (They do have an outstanding outrage factor, which they turn on us to great effect. Doesn’t that piss you off? And, if it does, why aren’t you doing anything about it?)
- The true poverty rate in the country has to be close to 25%, and yet where’s the moral challenge to Americans to establish a “living” wage rather than a “minimum” wage? And how do you work with businesses to make it possible for them to provide that without outsourcing McDonalds to Lithuania?
Article comments
— go to most recent comments1 - gonzo marx
once again, yer not as confused as ya proclaim, Mark me boyo...
ya have nailed the Questions right in the testicles, unfortunately the Demlicans appear to be trying to change from donkeys to turtles while letting the elephant droppings pile up in the hopes that the pachyderms drown themselves in their own filth
and there IS some Truth to that Path
the Question is ....WHEN to unleash...as well as what
my Thought is that they are opting to hold out a bit longer, butsome liek Joe Biden on Bill Maher's show last night are getting impatient and are beginning to step up a bit
on the other hand...there was that silliness with the congresswoman, the police officer and the cell phone earlier this week...stupid person should have just said "my bad..he startled me...but the nice cop is just doing his job"...photo op and yer done...
makes me wonder where the fuck Carville is...the rat bastard should be taking a Louisville slugger to these hydroencephelitic dolts and getting their ducks in a row...
ah well, we can only hope the hapless mules can still take either House or Senate so we can get some decent gridlock around here...
let's just hope it ain't too late
Excelsior!
2 - Matthew T. Sussman
Maybe politics needs an offseason so when they have a bad year, they can recover and try to get some acquisitions in the free agent market.
3 - Dave Nalle
I know it's presumptuous, but I think I'll answer your myriad questions and proposals anyway.
What do we stand for?
More taxes, more government and less freedom.
What are our values?
Grinding people down and making them dependent on government.
How are we different from the elephants?
There actually are differences, despite what gonzo says. On the most basic level, the elephants want to neglect the people and the donkeys want to exploit them.
What can reasonably be done about the Mesopotamia?
You really shouldn't have put the word 'reasonably' in there.
How can we fix the budget crisis looming over social security, Medicaid, Medicare, and the failure of science to cure the heartbreak of baldness?
You can't fix any of these things without losing the support of your main constituencies, so give it up.
Is Hillary too sexy to be president? (According to Sharon Stone, she is.)
Helga She Wolf of the SS.
The country's infrastructure is falling apart. Do you have a plan to make it safe to drive over bridges without the tune, "London Bridge is falling down," running through your brain?
It is? You sure can't tell from the megahighways they're building everywhere down here in Texas. They're apparently planning to pave over the entire state.
What are you going to do about the outsourcing of tech support to Indians whose command of the English language rivals that of Lithuanians in mountain villages?
I believe the Democrat plan is to outsource not just the technical positions, but the entire companies to foreign interests.
What's your plan to turn America's global image around so we're no longer the assholes of the world?
Make America unattractive enough to businesses that all our corporations relocate to Europe?
Do we have an outrage factor anymore, or are we content to sit quietly,
As far as I can tell all you actually HAVE is poorly directed outrage. When your reaction to everything is outrage then you cease to be taken seriously.
hands folded in laps, praying that the elephants will self-destruct? Do you know how hard it is to self-destruct something as big as an elephant? Have you ever tried?
The vast amount of intestinal gas might be highly flammable.
Are there people in leadership who have a sense of humor?
Wrong party. Humor and massive ego are incompatible.
Can you unleash them? Don't you realize that laughter and ridicule are the best weapons against the hapless elephants? Elephants may never forget, but they don't have a very good sense of humor. (They do have an outstanding outrage factor which they turn on us to great effect. Doesn't that piss you off? And, if it does, why aren't you doing anything about it?)
Because they're too busy being pissed off to actually do anything. Being pissed off and coming up with solutions to problems are somewhat incompatible.
The true poverty rate in the country has to be close to 25%,
If you define owning a car, two TVs, a satellite dish and a cell phone as 'poverty'.
and yet where's the moral challenge to Americans to establish a "living" wage rather than a "minimum" wage?
A living wage? You want to LOWER our minimum wage to the average $1 an hour most people around the world live on? Good lord!
And how do you work with businesses to make it possible for them to provide that without outsourcing McDonalds to Lithuania?
To be fair they're only outsourcing McDonalds to Minnesota.
Do something. Anything. It'll startle the elephants and amaze the donkeys and non-animals (independents.)
This was Howard Dean's strategy. As I recall it mostly scared people.
Try honesty and sincerity and empathy. You may come across as human which will startle everyone, including yourselves.
You might want to provide a comic book or some sort of manual explaining those three qualities. Most democrat leaders are unfamiliar with the concepts.
Come up with a plan. Don't call it perfect. Don't proclaim that it will cure all the world's ills (except baldness.) Call it a start. Ask for advice and counsel.
This is actually a very good idea. It will never happen, but it's a good thought.
Restore civility in Congress. Be nice to an elephant. That'll surprise them to the point of coronary failure.
Being the ones who took it away it seems only appropriate they should restore it. Get John Conyers to say something nice about Bush. That would probably cause a Republican deathwave.
Stay above partisan bickering. Agree with them when they're right.
Sadly the only times I see agreement is when both parties are dead wrong.
Respectfully disagree or seek compromise when they're wrong.
You mean act like Republicans? That seems like a lot to ask for.
Admit mistakes.
Both parties and all politicians could benefit from that idea.
Avoid the one-trick pony trap. Establish a broad set of values and beliefs that define what it means to be a Democrat and yet allows for a diversity of opinion.
This gets to the heart of the problem. They're deathly afraid that if they came out and stated clearly and honestly what they stood for they'd lose half the support they've managed to hold on to.
Dave
4 - gonzo marx
comment #3 sez...
*I know it's presumptuous,*
Quoted for Truth
nuff said?
Excelsior!
5 - Mark Schannon
Gonzo, me boyo, do you think there's a bit o' difference 'tween Mr. Nalle's positions and our own? At least libertarians have excellent senses of humor. I shall attempt a response.
What do we stand for?
More taxes, more government and less freedom.
Sounds suspiciously like what the Republicans have done for the last six years doesn't it. While they've cut taxes for the rich (watch Dave howl!), they've forced states and local governments to raise them.
What are our values?
Grinding people down and making them dependent on government.
Ah, you're still pissed off about the failed Great Society programs. We haven't cared about people for decades, silly.
How are we different from the elephants?
There actually are differences, despite what gonzo says. On the most basic level, the elephants want to neglect the people and the donkeys want to exploit them.
Neglect I understand, but exploit? All Democrats want to do is make this a better world for all humanity, to provide dignity and pride, a nice house and car and satellite dish. Their one massive failure is to do something about the heart break of baldness.
What can reasonably be done about the Mesopotamia?
You really shouldn't have put the word 'reasonably' in there.
I stand corrected. You're right. I am sorry.
How can we fix the budget crisis looming over social security, Medicaid, Medicare, and the failure of science to cure the heartbreak of baldness?
You can't fix any of these things without losing the support of your main constituencies, so give it up.
Oh ye of little faith. Why, there are lots of ways to fix these problems, particularly if you start with the baldness issue.
Is Hillary too sexy to be president? (According to Sharon Stone, she is.)
Helga She Wolf of the SS.
First she's a liberal, now she's a Nazi? A little consistency, and forget the hobgoblin of little minds.
The country's infrastructure is falling apart. Do you have a plan to make it safe to drive over bridges without the tune, "London Bridge is falling down," running through your brain?
It is? You sure can't tell from the megahighways they're building everywhere down here in Texas. They're apparently planning to pave over the entire state.
Dave, you've got to get out of Texas more. Remember the 1-95 bridge in CT that just collapsed, killing a lot of Republicans because it was in the southern end of the state? There are reports on this. I'd have assumed you had them.
What are you going to do about the outsourcing of tech support to Indians whose command of the English language rivals that of Lithuanians in mountain villages?
I believe the Democrat plan is to outsource not just the technical positions, but the entire companies to foreign interests.
Aha. Now I've got you. Dems don't control big business. Repubublicans do...neener, neener, neener.
What's your plan to turn America's global image around so we're no longer the assholes of the world?
Make America unattractive enough to businesses that all our corporations relocate to Europe?
They may be Republican, but they're not that stupid!
Do we have an outrage factor anymore, or are we content to sit quietly,
As far as I can tell all you actually HAVE is poorly directed outrage. When your reaction to everything is outrage then you cease to be taken seriously.
I ain't heard no real outrage. Whining, yes, outrage, no.
hands folded in laps, praying that the elephants will self-destruct? Do you know how hard it is to self-destruct something as big as an elephant? Have you ever tried?
The vast amount of intestinal gas might be highly flammable.
Finally, you come up with a workable plan. Now all we have to do is reinstate smoking in the Congress.
Are there people in leadership who have a sense of humor?
Wrong party. Humor and massive ego are incompatible.
I think you've got the wrong party when it comes to massive egos.
Can you unleash them? Don't you realize that laughter and ridicule are the best weapons against the hapless elephants? Elephants may never forget, but they don't have a very good sense of humor. (They do have an outstanding outrage factor which they turn on us to great effect. Doesn't that piss you off? And, if it does, why aren't you doing anything about it?)
Because they're too busy being pissed off to actually do anything. Being pissed off and coming up with solutions to problems are somewhat incompatible.
Anger is the mother of invention, or didn't you know that? If they got angry about baldness, they'd have cured it years ago. Why, just look at our president--he was angry at Sadam, and he took action.
The true poverty rate in the country has to be close to 25%,
If you define owning a car, two TVs, a satellite dish and a cell phone as 'poverty'.
Someday, I will actually do enough research to get you to take your blinders off about the state of poverty in the U.S. This is one area where you're feeling the elephant's ass, and I'm feeling his trunk.
and yet where's the moral challenge to Americans to establish a "living" wage rather than a "minimum" wage?
A living wage? You want to LOWER our minimum wage to the average $1 an hour most people around the world live on? Good lord!
See comment above.
And how do you work with businesses to make it possible for them to provide that without outsourcing McDonalds to Lithuania?
To be fair they're only outsourcing McDonalds to Minnesota.
Phew. I didn't know that. See, the donkeys aren't so silly. Minnesota may be a foreign country, but at least their accent's understandable.
Do something. Anything. It'll startle the elephants and amaze the donkeys and non-animals (independents.)
This was Howard Dean's strategy. As I recall it mostly scared people.
Hmmm. You do have a point there. I'll change that to, "Do something that doesn't include Howard Dean."
Try honesty and sincerity and empathy. You may come across as human which will startle everyone, including yourselves.
You might want to provide a comic book or some sort of manual explaining those three qualities. Most democrat leaders are unfamiliar with the concepts.
I notice the small "d" in democrat, which I assume means you're talking about both parties. I'll start working on that comic book.
Come up with a plan. Don't call it perfect. Don't proclaim that it will cure all the world's ills (except baldness.) Call it a start. Ask for advice and counsel.
This is actually a very good idea. It will never happen, but it's a good thought.
It is? I'm going to have to rethink it then.
Restore civility in Congress. Be nice to an elephant. That'll surprise them to the point of coronary failure.
Being the ones who took it away it seems only appropriate they should restore it. Get John Conyers to say something nice about Bush. That would probably cause a Republican deathwave.
Excuse me!? Newt "Take No Prisoners" Gingrich, Tom "All the Money's Mine" Delay. Even Republicans I know admit that the elephants have destoyed the civility that once ruled Congress--back in 1834.
Stay above partisan bickering. Agree with them when they're right.
Sadly the only times I see agreement is when both parties are dead wrong.
Good point there. But at least it's a place from which to build.
Respectfully disagree or seek compromise when they're wrong.
You mean act like Republicans? That seems like a lot to ask for.
Now I know you're pulling my leg. When was the last time you heard a Republican say, "oops, me bad?"
Admit mistakes.
Both parties and all politicians could benefit from that idea.
Hey, a lot of donkeys admitted they were wrong in supporting the Messopotamia.
Avoid the one-trick pony trap. Establish a broad set of values and beliefs that define what it means to be a Democrat and yet allows for a diversity of opinion.
This gets to the heart of the problem. They're deathly afraid that if they came out and stated clearly and honestly what they stood for they'd lose half the support they've managed to hold on to.
No, I don't know what they're afraid of but it ain't that. When donkeys were clear about who we were, we kept winning elections.
Phew...is this turning into one of the longest posts in history, or what? And what a fucking pain to put in all the coding!
In Jamesons NOW
6 - TA Dodger
Sounds suspiciously like what the Republicans have done for the last six years doesn't it. While they've cut taxes for the rich (watch Dave howl!), they've forced states and local governments to raise them.
More to the point, I can't imagine how anyone could argue that the Republican party stands for personal freedom. Much as Mr. Nalle would like to pretend that the social conservative wing of the Republican party does not exist or is not influential, it does and it is.
7 - Mason
"Helga She Wolf of the SS"
Pah-sha! It was Elsa She wolf of the SS.
and it was my first XXX drive-in moving picture show.
8 - Mark Schannon
TA, of course the elephant stands for personal freedom--the freedom of the wealthy to maintain their personal wealth--you silly liberal.
Mason, you gotta copy?
In Jameson Veritas
9 - Baronius
Mark - this is an interesting series you're doing.
Restore civility in Congress....Agree with them when they're right....Respectfully disagree or seek compromise when they're wrong.
Yes! Yes! That's the problem with both parties (I'm a member of one of the other major parties). It's not that the Democrats do nothing; they do the same thing every day. I don't expect civility on every issue - if you believe that the President tricked us into war, be angry. But don't use the same tone for Roberts, Miers, Alito, No Child Left Behind, budget hikes, budget cuts, and Bush's 9/11 timetable. Seriously, who was the psycho who thought that last one should be an issue?
My party shed some of its excess credibility defending Miers as if she were John Marshall in a dress. We "misplayed" Abu Ghraib by looking like we were trying to play Abu Ghraib. Some people seemed more concerned with the spin than the facts. One of my proudest moments as a Republican was when Trent Lott looked around for knee-jerk defenders, and they said, "Dude, what were you thinking?". You guys would do well to say that to Kennedy.
10 - Mark Schannon
Baronius, Civility is an interesting concept. Lobbyists and MOC on both sides of the aisle I know yearn for the old days when they'd bash each other heads in on the floor, and then go out and have a drink after work, where they'd talk seriously about the important issues.
Since Gingrich & Delay, that doesn't happen anymore. It's become a holy war, and holy wars lead only to mutual carnage.
It doesn't mean you don't strenuously object to stupid and inane proposals, it means you object to the ideas without vilifying the people.
In Jameson Veritas
11 - gonzo marx
oh i dunno...some folks deserve to be villified
as do some Practices (the K street project leaps to mind)
we will know more in November and after
it seems our Nation is under the ancient Chinese curse....
"may you live in INteresting times"
nuff said?
Excelsior!
12 - Mark Schannon
Ugh, I hate those Chinese and their damn curses. I'd like to live in calm, peaceful times where people hug each other and exchange good chocolate and bottles of fine Irish whiskey...although Scotch drinkers wouldn't understand that.
In Jameson Veritas
13 - gonzo marx
bah...there's the debate...Whisky!!!
heh
Excelsior!
14 - Steve
Did anyone see Tim Russert on MSNBC tonight? He had on a couple of southerners who've written a book on how the Democrats can get elected in the rural south (with a focus on how Mark Warner managed it). The title was something like "Hens in Foxholes" or something, the last name of one of the authors was Steve Jarding.
To cut a long story short, some of his advice was -
Don't do as John Kerry did in 2004...i.e. say he wasn't going to campaign in the South. There's over 100 million folks down there after all!!!!
Stop being elitist and treating Southerners as if they are too stupid to be worth talking to.
Go out and talk to people in the South, find out what their needs are.
Then craft policies to meet their needs.
....oops, I've gotta hit they hay. Guess you'll have to read the book or watch the show to find out more!
15 - gonzo marx
Steve...i did catch part of it, and am familiar with the book and it's Authors
my Thought here is not to "craft policies" to suit special INterests...southern or otherwise...
but to get the message out better that the basic platform is much more conducive to average, middle class folks...and work for them rather than any special Interest
i should get up the steam for a decent screed on how much i think that hyphenated "americans" have hurt our nation (ie: conservative-americans, liberal-americans ..or any other fucking hyphenated americans)
there are some demlican folks who are searching, or holding contests trying to find the "10 word phrase" or soundbyte to delineate their Positions...with the Thought that the Repubocrats do such really well
as much as i hate such trite platitudes...i do have one for them...a simple one really...which shoudl be used for any political "gang" that wants to truly represent those that elect them...
how about "We the People..."
nuff said?
Excelsior!
16 - Matthew T. Sussman
If I may chime in seriously, I was covering a John Kerry rally the week after the DNC. I basically heard the same speech I heard as he accepted the nomination, only the "reporting for duty" line was replaced with how much he loved our state.
Yeah, that's probably every politican's schtick -- give a good speech on national TV, then take it on the road to the commoners. But damn, I would have liked to see some variety.
17 - gonzo marx
Suss..you do realize the Shrub has been doing the same for years now...
all p[oliticians since the Nixon/Kennedy debate...and probably earlier...have done the same
it's called the "stump speech"
welcome to Politics
Excelsior!
18 - Matthew T. Sussman
Well, Gosh, call me the starry eyed twentysomething but if they want to expand their base why not change that?
19 - gonzo marx
ok..yer a starry eyed, idealistic young-un...
but that's ok..we need those
and you raise a very good Question...in part it's because the stump speech is the vehicle to communicate the basic message from town to town...customized a bit for the home crowd, but only a few lines (like Hello Columbus....rather then Good Evening Memphis)
hopefully...in this new Information age...folks such as yourself will help evolve that into something more fluid and relevant
we will see...
Excelsior!
20 - Dave Nalle
Go out and talk to people in the South, find out what their needs are.
Good advice, but what do they do when they're informed that the needs of southerners are directly counter to the basic operating principles of the party and its major figures?
Dave
21 - Matthew T. Sussman
I hope by "folks such as yourself" you mean people who are like me but not writing about the importance of the Detroit Tigers' 5-0 start on our daily lives.
22 - gonzo marx
to comment #20...
do you ever give your propagandistic lies and distortions a rest?
to Suss...i mean concerned and thoughtful younger folks like yourself who give a shit about their Nation
we can see what the "boomers" can/have done...and you kids will be paying for it for the rest of your lives...possibly your children will as well
hopefully, you can also look at it all with a fresh perspective...throw away the old "machines" and take care of our Nation rather than selling it off piecemeal
i can Dream, can't i?
Excelsior!
23 - Steve
gonzo, re. comment #15, why would you call the 100 million plus folks in the rural south 'a special interest'??? Do you really think that rural issues and big city ones are all the same??? Aren't the authors just suggesting the Dems. recognise a simple reality, rather than a special interest??
24 - gonzo marx
my apologies if i have not made myself clear here...
i do not consider "the south" as some monolithic bloc of folks
the concerns of people in Atlanta are different than Bowling Green are differend from New Orleans are different from Tulsa are different form Mineral Wells...
on and on...
such regional Issues are for individual Congressmen and Senators to represent
National candidates for elected office need to deal with the Nation...and NOT any pieces in specific...though it is of course prudent to listen to those areas in order to gain an accurate View of the overal situation
flip the script here a second...
do you honestly think the current Administration pays a moments attention to places like Vermont, New York City, Los Angeles or Seattle?
both sides need to look at the Whole...it is SO much greater than the mere sum of it's parts
Excelsior!
25 - Ruvy in Jerusalem
"Lobbyists and MOC on both sides of the aisle I know yearn for the old days when they'd bash each other heads in on the floor, and then go out and have a drink after work, where they'd talk seriously about the important issues.
Since Gingrich & Delay, that doesn't happen anymore. It's become a holy war, and holy wars lead only to mutual carnage."
I think you may have put your finger on a very important point. Covering a holy war as news is very different from covering what used to happen in politics when we was kids, Mark.
If you can apply the concept "if it bleeds it leads," to sell ratings and soap, why abandon it for parochially stupid ideas like "what is best for the country"?