It's the best kept secret in D.C. these days. Pundits and journalists alike are terrified that if the story leaks, it will result in panic in the streets, chaos roaming freely across the land, lambs lying down with lions, marches to approve human/sheep marriages, and stuff that's even serious.
It's gotten so bad that those so-called live news shows on Sunday morning now have a half-hour tape delay in case one of the guests starts showing signs of this dreaded disease, this apocalyptic affliction that only seems to strike elected and appointed officials. But your intrepid reporter believes the public has a right to know. Some things. Well, the public can't know everything - that's why nothing ever gets done in Washington.
For example, the incoming Senators say, "Hey, lets hold a private party for senators only and get to know each other before we start the new session. Maybe we can all get along. It couldn't be worse."
What happens? The trans-liberal coalition, CONNIVE (Coalition of Nosy Nabobs Interested in Virtually Everything) blast incoming Senate Majority leader... whatever his name is... for conducting policy development in secret. Connie Vanderhammer, executive-director of CONNIVE, told this reporter, "Look at what those idiotic mudhens call legislation when we're all over them," she said, throwing her long, streaked blond hair over her shoulders. "We can imagine what they'll cook up when there's no body looking. Face it, Ferret Face, half of them would qualify for the Americans With Disabilities Act."
But I digress. Whether they meet alone or bring their mistresses with them, it won't matter because all have been stricken with this plague, this monstrous punishment from the heavy hand of God: Adult Deficit Attention Disorder or ADAD. This dread disease is characterized by very short attention spans, difficulty in understanding complex subjects, and a tendency to make decisions before all the facts are in. (Which is why no one is sure if the president has contracted this ailment.)
Evidence, you cry out in despair. Prove that this isn't just the ravings of a libercontarian. Fair enough.
Article comments
1 - Dave Nalle
I had a witty comment, but by the time I got to the end of the article I had forgotten it.
Dave
2 - Mark Schannon
Does that mean that my wit trumpped yours?
In Jameson Veritas
3 - troll
if only the ADAD virus were confined to the halls of government...unfortunately it has spread through vast segments of the general population already
...your Acron protester can join Kucinich and Jude in the Party of Hopeless Causes (in which this pessimistic anonymous commenter is a charter member)
"We're doomed." - Zozobra
4 - Nancy
Pity it's not Ebola Zaire - and it isn't rife in the halls of Congress & the WH, where it will do the most good.
5 - Ruvy in Jerusalem
Mark,
GrateGreat to see yourback again... I see that you got so [edited]drunkmildly inebriated on sipping whiskey that you turned in aconflatedconfusilatinghumorous piece on the inability of - aw fuck it mark, I'm tired of trying to express my thoughts in an intelligent manner.Nice job....
6 - Mark Schannon
Hey, it's great to see some of the old crew back. Thanks. I've told the editors but not the entire Yahoo group that I've been sidelined with this very wierd illness that leaves me totally exhausted and with mild flu-like symtoms. I'm literally sleeping 12-15 hours a day.
This is the first thing I've written in a month, and I can barely focus on articles to edit.
Saw the doc last week & he stole my blood and gave me lots of other docs to see. I don't think it's any more serious than brain drain, but until we can refill it, I'll only be around sporadically.
Troll & Nancy, it's nice to see you haven't changed your attitudes towards our elected officials. And Ruvy, since when do you have trouble expressing yourself--who's doing the drinking?
In Jameson Veritas
7 - troll
Mark - I've missed your input...feel better and good luck with the docs
8 - Nancy
Mark, hope you're feeling better-! I like a good sleep m'self, but that sounds roughish. Of COURSE my attitude towards our elected maggotry is the same: Dem or GOP, they're still all the same greedy, arrogant, ethically deficient crew they ever were or will be, with perhaps a few exceptions. It will require rather stiffer & more cataclysmic changes in the way congress & the WH do business before the appallingly low general level of quality of those running for/in office improves - altho I consistently maintain a French or Russian Revolutionary-style session with a select group of the most egregious of them + a guillotine or firing squad for the entertainment of the masses (I'll bring my rocker & knitting) would be a real incentive for all of them to shape up, and fast.