Dick Cheney taunts police from window.
by Dylan Jameson
CORPUS CHRISTI, TEXAS (PoopyCaca.com) – Vice President Dick Cheney remains holed up in a Texas hunting lodge after shooting a 78-year-old man, keeping police at bay by randomly firing over their heads.
Initial reports indicated Cheney had accidentally shot and injured a man during a weekend quail hunting trip in Texas, but when police arrived at the lodge, Cheney “went wild,” according to Butch Anderson, a deputy sheriff who was among the first on the scene.
“Mr. Cheney started screaming that he wouldn’t be taken alive,” Anderson said. “He said he got ‘a taste of human blood’ and he liked it. That’s when he started firing at us and we set up a perimeter around the lodge.”
From outside the lodge, Cheney, apparently drunk, could be heard singing along to old Johnny Cash albums, Anderson said.
Cheney shows off his favorite “fishin’ gun.”
Cheney’s hunting partner, Harry Whittington, 78, a lawyer from Austin, was “alert and doing fine” after being sprayed with shotgun pellets in the face, neck and chest at the Armstrong Ranch in south Texas, said property owner Katharine Armstrong.
Armstrong said Cheney appeared to be turning to shoot a bird when he instead shot Whittington. She said Whittington was taken to Christus Spohn Hospital by ambulance.
“At first I thought it was an accident, but when I looked at Dick he was smiling that sort of weird, crooked smile,” Armstrong said. “He kinda’ reminded me of Jack Nicholson in The Shining. We just got out of there real quick.”
Cheney’s spokeswoman, Lea Anne McBride, continued to call the shooting “an unfortunate accident” and refused to comment on the reported stand-off with police.
“Mr. Whittington is very bird-like in his appearance,” Mc Bride explained. “It is easy to see how the vice president could have mistaken him for a quail.”
Edited: [GH]
Article comments
— go to most recent comments1 - Gordon Hauptfleisch
Very funny--I especially like the part where "he got a taste for human blood and he liked it."
2 - adam
Very funny. Thanks for the laugh.
3 - Dave Nalle
Here in Texas we do believe that you should eat whatever you shoot.
Dave
4 - RJ Elliott
Funny! :)
5 - ramen
Good work! Just when I thought it couldn't get any funnier.
6 - Matthew T. Sussman
Why were they hunting Quayle?
7 - larry
not THAT funny
8 - chancelucky
I imagine we'll learn that the Whittington fellow was really a terrorist. Am I the only one who wonders what the Vice President's blood alcohol level might have been when he shot his fellow hunter.
9 - Baronius
Oy. I defend Cheney every chance I get on these boards, because he's been caricatured unfairly as soulless. Then he goes and SHOOTS someone. At least it wasn't in Reno, just to see Whittington die.
10 - Bliffle
I just wonder what kind of load Cheney uses to shoot lawbirds. The indicated shot would be no. 7 1/2 to sustain the 'quail' pretext, but you've got to go to 6 or 4 for real penetration thru the famously tough hides of lawbirds, especially those fancy orange-breasted lawbirds. Personally, I'd select 00 buckshot in a 3" magnum with a 12 ga. Browning automatic so you could get off 5 shots in rapid succession to better ensure the kill. Of course, one would have to abandon the pretence of 'quail' hunting when the F&G guys brace you, but what the heck, you're the VP for crying out loud! It's a tough job handing out billions to Halliburton all day long. I sweat just thinking about it! A guys got to let off steam somehow! But knowing how cheap Cheney is I'd suspect he used low brass no. 8 cadged from trap shooting leftovers. That would account for his low kill ratio and high wounded count.
11 - Pissed off patricia
Excellent!
12 - Nancy
I thought the actual news item was pretty funny, but this adds to it! Thanks for a laugh. BTW, Dave, 80-yr-old lawyers I should think would be inedible, even w/marinating. Kind of like eating skunk, y'know?
13 - Pissed off patricia
Nancy, you must stew them (if he wasn't already stewed before he was shot)
14 - Jack Doucette
Now if you could only get him out with Osama on a quail hunt!
15 - Nancy
I'm told by a person of Appalachian origin that even skunk can be eaten, if you soak it well in milk before parboiling, then braise it in plenty of marinade w/red pepper ... but it seems to me that's a lot of trouble to go to just to eat a skunk.
16 - Scott Butki
Here is a funny take on the situation.
17 - Nancy
Hannibal Hamlin? Is that the guy's name? No wonder Cheney shot him; he probably got him confused with Hannibal Lecter....
18 - Eric Olsen
"Birdshot" Cheney mistakes friend for quail, weighs MLB umpiring offer
19 - chancelucky
Why is everyone so convinced that it was an accident?
It occurs to me that we have no statement from Cheney himself and no one's spoken to the victim.
let's say this happened with someone who didn't have the deciding vote in the senate, wouldn't there be an investigation before everyone declared it an accident?
20 - bt in ky
let's be truthful here about the vice president's preventive, unilateral action regarding the quail hunter:
this particular hunter was known to have frequent, high-level contacts with quails in recent years.
he is also suspected of being involved in the possible terrorist plot to increase quail habitat (and the bird flu virus?) in the united states.
finally, he was known to possess a large number of weapons, and has used them in the past.
clearly, action was required.
21 - Matthew T. Sussman
Hannibal Hamlin? Is that the guy's name? No wonder Cheney shot him; he probably got him confused with Hannibal Lecter....
Yes, if by Hannibal Hamlin you mean Harry Whittington.
Probably just a typo. The keys are like right next to each other.
I keed, I keed ...
22 - Gordon Hauptfleisch
A lawyer got shot...and the problem is...?
23 - Scott Butki
I've discovered the "truth" about the shooting and it's not what you think.
24 - Dave Nalle
Give me a break, Chance. The VP doesn't shoot people he argues with, he has the Secret Service do it for him - and they stay dead and are never heard from again. They don't show up mildly wounded in a hospital in San Antonio.
BTW, if your comment in #19 was even halfway serious you need to check into some serious psychological counseling, because you've gone beyond the point of just hating Bush/Cheney for a reason to pathological obsession, and that's not healthy.
Dave
25 - Natalie Davis
Secret Service? Isn't that why the Death Brigade exists? The Killing Squad can preemptively invade the home of anyone with whom bin Cheney has a beef.