Vice President Dick Cheney’s Saturday shooting of a man was no hunting accident, White House sources said Monday. The victim, Austin attorney Harry Whittington, had planned to make an announcement Feb. 14 about his real relationship with Cheney, the source said.
For years Cheney has been having a sexual relationship with the man he “accidently sprayed with buckshot,” the source said. The two men watched Brokeback Mountain the prior weekend and it apparently triggered a reaction.
Whittington was going to hold a press conference on Valentine’s Day to tell the world that he and Cheney were gay lovers. He was going to say that the movie appeared to be based on his relationship with Cheney.
For the next few days, aides said, Cheney grew even angrier and more hostile than usual, which they can tell because his bald head turns red and he cusses more then normal. Calls to Cheney’s office, asking whether he had ordered the wiretapping of Whittington’s phone, went unanswered.
An anonymous source, whose name rhymes with gorge tush, said, “Dick just totally went nuclear. He said, 'I’ll show you a war on terror!' ”
Cheney had hoped the media would not find out about the shooting, sources said. He was also disappointed that Whittington survived because it ruined his plan to pin blame on the shooting at the feet of al-Qaida.
Article comments
1 - Mark Schannon
Scott. Thank you. This is the kind of upfront, honest, take-no-prisoners, in-your-face, investigative reporting that makes BlogCritics the envy of every tabloid in America.
I had no idea Dick was...how shall I say this politely...dickless. I always had thought of him as a man's man, tough, able to eat tall buildings with a single swallow.
I have only one thing to say to you, Mr. Fancy Pants Butki---goddamn, I wish I'd thought of this first.
Very well done, sir.
In Jamesons Veritas
2 - Scott Butki
Yes. Thanks. They say truth is stranger than fiction.
I think we can always tell that Dick was hiding something and was very uptight. Now we know his secret.
I hope he visits his valentine tomorrow at the hospital.
3 - Mark Schannon
Well, actually, now we know he was hiding "nothing." Whaaa-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.
In Jamesons Veritas
4 - reggie von woic
LOL! That's funny.
One would be arrested if you tried to make fun of a big government official, probably even killed.
Thank God for internet.
5 - Scott Butki
If I wasn't on the enemies list and people wiretapped, I probably am now.
Feel free to share this piece with others as long as you give attribution.
6 - Tina Pyron
Now that is the truth in a funny way. Hey, Scott, you might be on the 'enemie's list' but think of it this way, we know the truth about who's who! Thanks for lightening up my day
7 - larry
Good grief!!
8 - Scott Butki
I wrote another satire piece - Cheney's gonna go do the biathlon next
9 - Pam
I really enjoyed this piece! As you well know with this administration anything is possible...Mr. Cheney does have a daughter who is a lesbian (inherited from Daddy?). Mr. Whittingham does seem extremely apologetic to Mr. Cheney for making him shoot him! So, to me this piece is not only funny, but almost real?
10 - Scott Butki
That's a scary compliment
11 - Jet in Columbus
Reports have been coming in worldwide that blood banks are refusing to allow gays to donate for fear of passing on the "Gay gene" Pam! NO LIE google it and you'll see it's true!!!!
Scott I've truly needed a good laugh lately, and I thank you with all my heart.
You realize you'll never be elected to Congress now.
12 - Scott Butki
Damn. So much for that plan.
13 - Keith Rodgers
I was thinking how funny this would be if (REAL) But if he was gay I can see he got his start in how he learned to "F" this country up.