Highlights from a transcript of an interview with Dick Cheney:
Brit Hume: Mr. Vice-President, in your own words, tell us how this whole Iraq thing started.
Cheney: I was in the desert with a few Texas hunting buddies of mine. I had maybe one beer at an oasis.
Hume: You had been drinking?
Cheney: Maybe two beers at the oasis. Three tops. An hour later, we go hunting. I had me a bazooka, and my friends had rocket launchers and such. We were hunting for crocodiles.
Hume: I didn’t know there were crocodiles in Iraq.
Cheney: Saddam had crocodiles. The British thought so. The Germans thought so. The French thought so. They all said Saddam had crocodiles. So we had our bazookas and rocket launchers, and we were ready for them to fly up in front of us at any moment.
Hume: Flying crocodiles?
Cheney: Saddam had crocodiles with wings. Everybody thought so. Great big gnarly-skinned crocodiles with wings.
Suddenly there was this movement. I unloaded. Huge crater in the desert. And then I saw what it was.
Not a crocodile. A little Iraqi girl. Low on the ground. Easily mistaken for a crocodile.
Hume: Then what happened?
Cheney: Her brothers and her Dad, they took it the wrong way. Got in my face. Said I had to tell the media without delay. Me talk to the media? Can you imagine the arrogance of those dudes?
Hume: What did you do?
Cheney: You know my style. First I said, ‘go fuck yourself.’ Then I opened fire. That’s how it went down. A shooting accident.
Hume: If, at the time, you knew Saddam had no crocodiles, would you still have shot the little girl?
Cheney: Of course. You don’t want to give a guy like Saddam a chance to think you’re weak.
Hume: Thank you, Mr. Vice-President.
Cheney: Thank you, Brit. Stuff happens.
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Article comments
1 - Bliffle
Well! That explains everything.