It was a typical Friday night in the nation's capital. Ottawa was getting ready for the weekend which meant that the civil servants were loosening their ties and packing their red tape away. The options for entertainment in Ottawa had improved since the days of Government-funded strip clubs in Hull, Quebec being the only show in town, but not by much.
The lineup of cars heading to Hull from Ottawa on a Friday night, as those who serve by stamping avoided home and family for the warm embrace of the fleshy delights, could be seen snaking across the bridge in the early evening rain from my office window. I wouldn't call it dark and stormy, maybe grey and damp; pretty much an accurate description of Ottawa even when the sun is shining.
What is it about nations' capitals that stifle all other forms of life except for those who are willing to be sucked dry by their strict adherence to the rule that unless it's in triplicate and countersigned it doesn't exist? Perhaps that's why the strip clubs in Hull are the favoured destination for either male or female staff.
All of them had been vetted and funded through loans and grants via the Business Development Bank of Canada. This meant they all had to submit to the rigours of meeting with the approval of the Civil Service. Anywhere that had to file receipts for everything from toilet paper to "servicing fees" warmed the cockles of a paper pusher's heart. They could feel at home in a place where they knew that the government signed the checks that paid that girl to lap dance and climb a pole using her thigh muscles.
Watching the rows upon rows of sensible cars obeying the speed limit and all traffic rules made me pine for wilder, more exotic locales - Prince Albert, Saskatchewan where you could at least watch the wheat growing sprang to mind - when the ringing of the red phone on my desk demanding my attention shattered my reverie. Not only did the sound startle me like waking up and finding myself in the middle of the gay women's caucus of the Conservative Party of Canada (I'd be startled if they existed let alone finding myself at one of their meetings), the fact that it was ringing at all set off alarm bells in my head that made a sound eerily similar to the balls on the brass monkeys outside of Parliament Hill clanging together on a mid-February night's freeze.
Article comments
1 - SonnyD
Richard, do you realize how much your writing has improved in the last six to eight months? It's amazing.
Remember the short, short story you wrote about the "artists" in the cafe? Even though I understood the idea you were putting across, I had a terrible itch to rewrite the whole thing because there was a good story under all those words trying to get out.
The way you have adapted the detective story style to express a political opinion is engaging, entertaining and informative. Even though I have zero knowledge about Canada's political scene, it carried me along by the strength of the writing alone.
Of course I can't read anything without finding something to nit pick about. The first sentence of the fifth paragraph - I stumbled in reading that at about "wheat sprang", had to start the sentence over and read it again. You don't want to make a reader do that. Then again, maybe it's just me because I can't figure out how to tighten it up gracefully.
Then, at the end of the 11th(?)
paragraph. "...the only ice they'd seen before now was in their drinks." If you leave out the word "now" the sentence still means the same and it maintains the rhythm you have going.
Or--ignore everything I just said--what do I know? I just have a love of words and sometimes can't keep my opinions to myself. But, in my opinion, your writing is professional quality and deserves to be published. Here's hoping the best for you.
2 - Richard Marcus
Sonny D
Wow thank you so very mcuh for your kind words. I have a hard time keeping any sort of perspective on how well my writing's "doing" becuase I don't get that type of critique very often. It's usually just about the opinions expressed in the article and nothing stylistcally.
Please nit pick to your heart's content, that's the only way that I'll keep improving. I appreciate your candour and your intelligent analysis - my reason for starting to do this blogging thing after all was to refine my writing skills and improve them. You can't do very much in a vacuum, so people like you have made a big difference.
Thank you once again, and I'm glad you enjoyed the story. I'll have to keep working on it. Who knows what happened to the opposition parties - they could be trussed up in a celler, or serving drinks in a bar in Hull.
Just so you know, Hull Quebec is right across the border from Ottawa and when I was a kid growing up in our nation's capital, it was a haven for underage drinkers and all night partiers. At one point in time, I think the late seventies one of the governments initiated a program to help businesses get off the ground. After an audit of the Federal Business Development Bank on year it was discovered that seven strip clubs in Hull had received seed money and etc. from this program.
I don't think even I could make that stuff up. Politics is such a gold mine for fiction and humour if you only know where to look.
cheers
Richard
3 - SonnyD
Thanks for understanding that I pick nits only with the kindest of intentions. Well, at least with you it is, because I can see how hard you're working.
There must be a frustrated editor lurking somewhere in the back of my mind. I can be reading a good book, just sailing along, deeply engrossed in the story, when I come across a word or phrase that just doesn't fit the writer's style. A bell goes off, I back up and reread and wonder - now why didn't he catch that?
The most frustrating part is that I can't contact the author and tell him, "Hey, you yanked me right out of the story at this point." I'm talking about an established author here, with several books under his belt - someone who should know better.
You have no idea how much pleasure I get just being able to talk to someone who is in the process of writing where you are now. If I can make even one suggestion that you find useful, great. Otherwise, just ignore me and understand that I'm on your side and just trying to be helpful.