In what could be the comedy of errors of all time, the White House inadvertently released an unchecked tape of the president’s Weekly Radio Address this weekend. The label on the tape was indeed in President Bush’s handwriting so the staff released it unchecked for content.
The tape, which was played worldwide this morning, urged Congress to increase funds by $700 million so that the Parks Department could work on the “Forest Stranger” problem. In a speech the President had obviously written himself, Bush intimated that the Interior Secretary had complained of a budgetary problem involving recruitment of Parks Department personnel. When he asked, the Secretary explained that he was experiencing problems with Forest Rangers in the National Parks.
The president added in his remarks that "forest strangers" invading our national parks to recruit people was a moral crisis. “Who knows what indecent or sexually perverted things these strangers could be trying to talk honest American citizens into!” His solution was to hire more park rangers in order to keep an “eagle-eyed patriotic vigilance” out for illegal and strange aliens coming from the wooded border areas near Canada and/or from space.
“These forest strangers could be smuggling low-cost drugs in from our neighbor up north. Their purpose could be to sabotage our own country’s pharmaceutical company’s profits, which could lead to the ultimate downfall of our economy!”
At a White House prayer vigil called Sunday morning to address this issue, Bush was asked why such a large increase was necessary. He responded that specialized equipment from Halliburton does not come cheap. “…It is a moral imperative that we stop these evildoers from hiding in our cherished timberlands and to that end price should not be an issue. What if Middle-Eastern factions are trying to turn our loyal decent Christian population to treasonous acts?”
For some reason the tape came to an abrupt stop after, “Our parks department people need better and more modern weapons to fight this menace and I intend to see that they get it immediately. I want ultra- sensitive listening devices and night vision goggles to be purchased and issued to every forest ranger in the… oh shit”
Later in the afternoon after the tape was pulled from circulation, this reporter could not reach the White House for a response.
The Canadian Ambassador however, remarked it sounded like a bad episode of “South Park”
Stay tuned as more details become available…
Article comments
1 - Jet in Columbus
Thank you Mark-Jet strikes again in an insane attempt to make himself laugh in adverse times...
2 - Jet in Columbus
Mark, please check your e-mail for an important edit on this article... Thanks, Jet
3 - Jet in Columbus
Well?
4 - Jet in Columbus
Thanks for the edit Anna, much appreciated...
5 - Dave Nalle
Stranger danger?
Dave
6 - Jet in Columbus
And what if they're really from South Park Dave?
Scary thought!
7 - Dave Nalle
Cartman for president!
Dave
8 - Jet in Columbus
Oh just what I-needed the secret service trying to pin the assasination of Kenny on me!!!!
9 - Jet in Columbus
Dave #7 you mean Cartman ISN'T president???
10 - Clavos
I love the Amazon link. Someone actually spent time studying the administrative behavior of forest rangers???
Jet, did you pick it?
11 - Silas Kain
If they wanted to study forest rangers, all they need do is look at reruns of Yogi the Bear.
12 - Jet in Columbus
Thanks you Clavos, I'm glad you enjoyed it. Yes I picked the book myself, and it took some hunting!
13 - Jet in Columbus
I had the forest ranger from my novelization in mind, and had refered to the book as a reference, though as it turned out I didn't need it...
14 - Jet in Columbus
Well RedTard, I guess you've earned the position of Bush's communications director in my next satire... or maybe even this one!
15 - Jet in Columbus
I'm honored that this was an editor pick and glad it made you laugh. Thanks for the encouragement!
Jet
16 - Jet in Columbus
Silas#11 The problem is that Bush would think it was a reality show... if he doesn't already.
17 - Jet In Columbus
Beware... Canada's next!
MEXICO CITY - Mexico said Friday it will try to persuade President Bush not to sign a bill that would extend a wall along the border in an effort to stop illegal immigrants.
Foreign Secretary Luis Ernesto Derbez strongly criticized the legislation to build a 700-mile border fence, which the Senate approved Friday and sent to Bush to sign.
Derbez said Mexico will send a letter to the U.S. government strongly condemning the measure. Asked by a reporter if the government would try to "dissuade" Bush from signing the bill into law, he replied, "Without a doubt."
"We have pointed out in a clear and unequivocal way that it seems unnecessary to us and seems wrong," Derbez added. "We think it is a gesture that doesn't reflect the friendship between nations of Latin America and the Caribbean and the United States."
Congress has abandoned Mexico's top priority: an immigration accord that would have allowed more Mexicans to work legally in the United States. Bush had proposed a temporary worker program that would have given three-year work visas to those with jobs lined up in the U.S.
Instead, U.S. lawmakers have focused on increasing security along the border. The House of Representatives and Senate have maneuvered to speed construction of the double-layer fence along the U.S. southern border aimed at keeping migrants and criminals from entering the country illegally.
Derbez's remarks came a day after his office issued a statement saying the border fence would harm relations between Mexico and the United States. The Foreign Relations Department said that only comprehensive immigration reform would stop millions of Mexicans from sneaking across the border into the U.S.
"A partial measure that is exclusively focused on security does not deal with reality and represents a political answer rather than a viable solution," it said in the statement.
There are an estimated 11 million Mexicans in the United States, about half of whom are illegal. Last year, Mexican migrants sent home more than $20 billion in remittances, providing Mexico with its second biggest source of foreign income after oil
E. EDUARDO CASTILLO
Associated Press
18 - Jet in Columbus
Here's the irony. Riverside New Jersey is being taken to court by groups who say their local laws are unconstitutional. They say immigration law is a federal matter and it's not up to the states or local communities. So the federal government refuses to enforce the law, and if local communities try to do something about it they're dragged into court.
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