General Peter Pace, Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, insists there is no evidence to support the idea that the Iranian government is supplying insurgents in Iraq with the ready-made bombs and other materials. Pace said some of the material can be traced to Iran and that U.S. forces have arrested Iranians. His assertion that Iran itself is not involved contradicts three senior military officials in Baghdad who have said the Iranian government is responsible for having provided Shiite militants in Iraq with bombs now blamed for the deaths of more U.S. troops.
"That's all I needed to hear," Bush said on his way into an emergency meeting he'd called shortly after hearing what he said were "the words of our proud patriots in combat. Pace isn't in combat. What does he know?"
Bush, Cheney, and Peppy the coffee guy emerged hours later to announce plans to invade Iran. Bush snickered at a press conference held later in the day saying, "If someone paid by me to agree with me doesn't agree with me, well, that's all she wrote. The cows have come home." Amid murmurs of "What the hell does that mean?" from the press corps, Bush was noticeably beside himself with glee when suggesting using the 20,000 troops "...I've sent to build up the force there..." to invade Iran.
When reminded that 20,000 additional troops haven't yet been sent and that the increase in troop numbers can be explained by the extensions of tours of those still there, Bush guffawed, "Six of one, half dozen of the other. A bird in the hand is less poop on the floor." Bush grew serious and red-faced in response to what he called "unpatriotic confrontation" when questioned about his loyalty to the war-weary troops.
"What the heck did you think I wanted more troops sent to Iraq for? To fill out the chow line? I am the terror that flaps in the night! I say troops will go into Italy, I mean Indonesia, crap, one of those 'I' countries. You're either with us or against us," at which point White House Press Secretary Tony Snow moved Tango-close to the President. Bush covered the mic, but could still be heard hissing, "Get off me!"
"If you make a product or material that somehow ends up in the hands of terrorists, I don't care how it got there," Bush smirked. "You're aiding the terrorists and we're coming after you."