In a rare moment of unscripted candidness, American President George Bush spent time away from answering questions at a recent speech to students at the University of Kansas to voice his displeasures and concerns about small countries.
"Small countries complicate everything and end up attacking each other a lot," the President stated, "not to mention that it's hard to find them on maps."
Bush said he remembered the simplicity of the Cold War, and sometimes wished back to the days when there were only two countries in the world.
"Even though we didn't like each other, at least we knew where the other guy was coming from. Nowadays, I can barely keep up with all these new countries, let alone know what they want. Sure, I can still find Russia, and Canada, and China's not too much trouble, and Australia's the big island. But the rest of them, it can be difficult."
As for Mexico, "It's not really small, but it'd still be better if we could make a state out of it."
Bush then praised the pioneering efforts of the European Union to simplify the world's geography.
"At a time when countries seem to be splitting up rather than joining together, I applaud the efforts of the European Union to act a little bit more selflessly," said Bush. Adding, "It's about time a fairly big country like Germany took matters into its own hands and decided to unite the continent."
Still, according to the President, the European Union is the exception. And there are plenty of examples of small countries only leading to trouble.
"Take the Middle East. The biggest trouble spot in the world today, and it's absolutely filled with dinky, little countries. But just imagine how quickly they'd all make peace if someone went there and made a Middle Eastern Union. One country, no more fighting."
This need to unite was especially true of countries with similar sounding names, Bush continued.
"Iraq and Iran are right next to each other and only one letter different. Why are they two countries? If they'd have joined together five or six years ago, then we'd only have to invade once. And God Almighty knows what the world needs is less wars."
Article comments
1 - Dr Dreadful
This article reads like it escaped from The Onion...
2 - RJ
Odd article, but I still found it hilarious. :)
3 - REMF
A sign held by a lady at an anti-war demonstration read:
"Someone please give Bush a blowjob so we can impeach him!!"
- MCH