My fellow Americans of all colors, shapes, and sizes, I humbly and with great pride offer myself as your next President. It is not too early to start voting now. And remember the words of the late, great Richard Daley of Chicago, "vote early and vote often."
I thank you, and God bless the America we hope to build and curse all those who would stand in our way so they languish for an eternity in the fires of hell.
Contributions gratefully accepted...that is if I can ever figure out how get Paypal or something on BC where I get all the money.
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Article comments
1 - DrPat
"libertarians demand the right to cavort in sexual congress with anyone and anything"
Hey! Why aren't these guys winning a LOT more elections with a platform like that?
[tongue coming out of cheek now...]
2 - Mark Schannon
Beats me! I just speak the truth and let others determine whether I'm lying or not.
As for the libertarians, they're also for lots of good stuff like no laws against any drugs, uzis in every room in your house, no taxes, no social security, no social insecurity...a great bunch of people. I'd vote for one if I could find one.
3 - Baronius
Great, another cookie-cutter candidate. Nothing my flourescent lamp hasn't been telling me every day since the accident.
4 - Mark Schannon
Cookie-cutter? Cookie-cutter? Why you...you...Ivy-eating lamb, you. You libertarian, drug-snorting, sex-crazed, gun-running...Lithuanian.
I'll have you know I've never cut a cookie in my life. I do split oreo's so I can lick the creamy part, but "CUT?"
I have not been so insulted since yesterday when some whiny little brat pointed and me and said to her mother, "Mommy, why is that old man licking his cookies."
(Sorry about your accident. But you do need a new lamp.)