This is it, folks. This is the moment we've all been waiting for. Tomorrow, voters in 24 states (and American Samoa!) will go to the polls and cast ballots for the Presidential candidates of their choice. For political junkies like me, it's kinda like Christmas morning, Thanksgiving afternoon, and New Year's Eve night all rolled into one. (Except with a lot less family and friends, and a lot more Brit Hume and Matt Drudge.)
So. What follows are my exceptionally expert, preternaturally prescient and precognitive political predictions. Republicans first, Communists Democrats second. Here goes:
California
Romney 41, McCain 39, Huckabee 11, Paul 9
New York
McCain 59, Romney 24, Huckleberry Jam 11, Paul 6
Georgia
Romney 34, McKennedy 32, Huckabee 29, Paul 5
Illinois
McCain 49, Romney 26, Huckabee 17, RONPAUL 8
Missouri
The Huckster 33, McCain 31, Romney 30, Paul 6
Tennessee
Huck Finn 34, McCain 32, Romney 27, Paul 7
Arizona
McAmnesty 44, Romney 36, Paul 11, Huckabee 9
New Jersey
McFeingold 56, Romney 27, Huckabee 9, Paul 8
Alabama
cHUCKnorris 39, McCain 37, Romney 18, Paul 6
Massachusetts
Romney 57, John-Kerry's-almost-running-mate 38, Paul 3, Huckabee 2
Connecticut
McMexico 49, Romney 34, Paul 9, Huckabee 8
Colorado
Willard 41, McCain 32, Huckabee 17, Paul 10
Minnesota
McCain 44, Romney 24, Huckleberry Hound 20, Paul 12
Oklahoma
Huckabee's Neighborhood Grill and Bar 36, McCain 34, Romney 24, Paul 6
Utah
DIDJA HEAR THAT MITT ROMNEY IS A MORMON??? 80, McCain 9, Paul 7, Huckabee 4
Arkansas
How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck named Huck was endorsed by Chuck Norris? 48, McCain 33, Romney 16, Paul 3
West Virginia
Huckleberry Railroad 38, McCain 35, Romney 22, Paul 5
Alaska
Dr. Ronald Ernest Paul 32, Romney 30, McCain 28, Huckabee 10
North Dakota
Huckabee 39, Romney 29, McCain 26, GOOGLE RON PAUL 6
Montana
Romney 41, McLieberman 29, Huckabee 16, Paul 14
Delaware
McLiberal 49, Romney 27, Huckabee 17, Paul 7
(Note: I will not be using nicknames for the Democrat candidates, because I'm afraid that something horribly racist, misogynistic, or otherwise politically-incorrect might somehow wind up getting past the fourteen different layers of editing here at Blogcritics Magazine. But honestly, that Hillary chick is one seriously shark-eyed biEDITEDEDITEDEDITEDnd as for Obama, it's just like what the late, great Earl Butz once said, "The only thing the coEDITEDEDITEDEDITED --- BREAK TRANSCRIPT.)
Article comments
— go to most recent comments1 - Glen Boyd
Pretty funny stuff RJ. Just guessing here, but I take it your a Mittster guy?...
-Glen
2 - RJ Elliott
Glen:
Eh, Mitt's okay. But I'm actually hoping for a false-flag "terrorist" attack sometime in October, nation-wide martial law, and another four (at least) years of the Cheney-Bush junta.
3 - Dan
Loved it.
4 - Samir
Romney is a slimy phony. I know the guy personally; he is no family man. He has a mistress in every state.
5 - RJ
Re: "Samir"
Slander: It's what's for breakfast.
6 - Clavos
I liked the nicknames, RJ.
I was kinda disappointed you chickened out on the Dems, though.
Cluck, cluck :>)
7 - Dave Nalle
Amusing, RJ. And an excellent illustration of why I didn't attempt to write a Super Tuesday article of this sort, because there are too many numbers to crunch and trying to do it just makes you go all silly in the head and letting Ron Paul win a state.
Dave
8 - CJ
Good picture of McCain. If he, God forbid, gets the nomination, you'll be seeing pictures like that on the front of every newspaper and magazine until November.
9 - REMF
Looks like John McCain's going to beat Mitt "Mountain Meadows Massacre" Romney.
And I think Rush Lardbaugh needs to checkout the mirror next time he calls McCain an "imposter," considering the fact that while McCain was serving 5 1/2 years as a POW in Vietnam, Lardbaugh was back home dodging the draft (deferment for a cyst on his ass) and stuffing his face with pizza and doughnuts.
10 - RJ
Barack Hussein Obama wins Indonesia!
US Democratic Party voters in Indonesia, where Barack Obama spent part of his childhood, handed him a win over Hillary Clinton in the first voting abroad on "Super Tuesday," party officials said.
Seventy-five percent of nearly 100 votes cast by expatriate Americans just past midnight (1700 GMT Monday) went to Obama and 25 percent went to Clinton, Democrats Abroad officials here said.
11 - Dr Dreadful
Wow. The loss of Indonesia is a huge blow to the Clinton campaign. She should basically drop out of the race right now.
12 - RJ
Why does Hillary only cry on Mondays before big elections? Is it a hormonal thing?
FOR CRYIN' OUT LOUD!
HILLARY TURNS ON THE TEARS AGAIN
February 5, 2008 -- NEW HAVEN, Conn. - There she goes again.
It was another two-hanky day on the campaign trail yesterday, as Hillary Rodham Clinton teared up at an event targeting female voters on the eve of the Super Tuesday elections.
After she got a warm introduction from an old friend, Clinton's eyes welled up and glistened under TV camera lights. She paused and gathered her composure.
She didn't choke up - as she did at a similar event on the eve of the New Hampshire primary, a moment that Clinton now says may have helped her snag a critical victory last month by making her appear human and vulnerable.
13 - RJ
Hillary gets choked up a different way...
14 - RJ
Huckabee wins West Virginia:
WASHINGTON (MarketWatch) -- Former Arkansas governor Mike Huckabee won West Virginia's Republican caucus on Tuesday, U.S. media reported. Twenty-seven pledged delegates were at stake. West Virginia's were the first polls to close on Super Tuesday.
RJ 1-0
15 - Richard C. Mongler
Fail
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16 - RJ
I have a fan.
17 - Michael J. West
Impressive artwork.
...what the Hell is it?
18 - alexandria jackson
someone with a hand over his face.....cool
19 - RJ
ROMNEY ACCUSES MCCAIN, HUCKABEE OF "SHADY" "BACKROOM" DEAL:
Former Massachusetts Gov. Mitt Romney’s campaign accused Sen. John McCain (Ariz.) and former Arkansas Gov. Mike Huckabee of “a backroom deal” that gave the early Super Tuesday win in West Virginia to Huckabee.
Romney, who addressed the state GOP convention in person Tuesday, comfortably led the first ballot at the convention, leading to a three-way second ballot contest between the three contenders.
Marc Ambinder of The Atlantic reported Tuesday that, after the first ballot, McCain’s campaign called his supporters there and urged them to vote in favor of Huckabee.
“Unfortunately, this is what Senator McCain’s inside Washington ways look like: he cut a backroom deal with the tax-and-spend candidate he thought could best stop Governor Romney’s campaign of conservative change,” Beth Myers, Romney’s campaign manager, said in a statement.
Huckabee won the contest on the second ballot with 567 votes, or 51 percent, to Romney’s 521 votes, which put him at 47 percent. McCain finished the second ballot with 12 votes.
On the first ballot, McCain had 176 votes to Huckabee’s 375 and Romney’s 464 votes.
Rep. Ron Paul (Tex.) received 118 votes on the first ballot, but because he failed to finish in the top three, he was not included on the second ballot.
By winning Tuesday’s state convention, Huckabee was awarded 18 of the state’s 30 delegates.
The McCain campaign did not immediately respond to comment for this story.
20 - Hairless Simian
So Romney's a whiner and a liar. What else is new?
I do like the way his flack calls Huckabee who supports the Fair Tax a 'tax and spend' candidate. No like works so well as the big, fat, obviously false one.
21 - RJ
Huckabee did in fact raise taxes in Arkansas and greatly increase state spending.
22 - RJ
McCain on border security:
"By the way, I think the fence is least effective. But I'll build the goddamned fence if they want it."
"I'm willing to negotiate anything," McCain tells the breakfast crowd in Sioux City ...
23 - RJ
McCain attacks Senate GOP critics:
Sen. John McCain (Ariz.) took a swipe Tuesday at GOP senators who have criticized him during the presidential campaign, saying they “are not the most respected members of the United States Senate.”
McCain, who is the front-runner for the Republican presidential nomination heading into the Super Tuesday primaries, was referring to comments made by five-term Mississippi Sen. Thad Cochran and former Sen. Rick Santorum (Pa.).
“The thought of his being president sends a cold chill down my spine,” Cochran had told The Boston Globe after his endorsement of McCain’s main rival, former Massachusetts Gov. Mitt Romney. “He is erratic. He is hotheaded. He loses his temper and he worries me.”
Santorum, another Romney supporter, has also raised McCain’s temper as a reason not to support him.
The Arizona senator hit back hard at his critics when he was asked about their comments on NBC’s “Today Show.”
“And in all due respect to a couple of those people that are criticizing me, they’re not the most respected members of the United States Senate, to be honest with you,” McCain said, noting that he has a lot of support among his colleagues.
24 - RJ
McCain Dismisses 'Temperament' Criticism from 'Defeated' Santorum:
ABC News' Teddy Davis and Talal Al-Khatib Report: John McCain dismissed criticism of his "temperament" from former Pennsylvania Sen. Rick Santorum in an interview with Katie Couric on CBS' "Evening News."
"I don't know what a defeated candidate for reelection who begged me to come up and campaign for him has to say," said McCain before pointing to the support he has from other conservatives in the Senate who have served with him.
Santorum raised McCain's temperament in a robo call paid for by Mitt Romney's campaign.
The robo call is going out to voters in California, Colorado, Alaska, and a few other Feb. 5th states.
Santorum then elaborated on his criticism of McCain by telling Time Magazine, "I don't know anybody in Washington who has worked extensively with the senator from Arizona who doesn't have a story to tell."
25 - Dr Dreadful
Clav, it seems to be time for the beach chairs and beer again. That is, if watching Republicans throw poo at each other is your idea of relaxing fun...
:-)