In a statement issued to the press this morning, Pat Robertson denied allegations that he had a hangnail. "The Lord Jesus protects me," he said, "and punishes those who do not believe. If you are sick or dead, it is because you did not believe in God enough. One need only look at the millions of dying people around the world to see that we live in troubled times, filled with debauchery and sin."
When asked if he had ever gotten sick or even felt any discomfort in his life, he replied, "No, that's what happens to sinners like Ariel Sharon." He then sighed and addressed the reporters as if they were children who'd asked too many questions.
"Look," he said, "through Jesus I have eternal life. You all out there, you'll be dead, dead, dead while I'm driving my rocket car to get the morning's issue of the Space Times. These rumors about this hangnail? It's the devil saying these things about me. My nails are in perfect condition. Look."
He then showed off his expertly groomed fingernails and then, despite assurances from reporters that it wasn't necessary, took off his shoes, showed off his diamond-studded toenails, and insisted that photographers take pictures of them.
Article comments
1 - Kevin Surbaugh
Ah so he is going to live forever.
Look, Erv. Robertson, eternal life doesn't mean you live forever in the physical sense. Your body will die, your spirit will live forever in heaven (if you're a Christian) or in hell (if you're not). I can not be the judge of what is in your heart only God can do that. I can tell you though what the Bible says, so that you can Judge for yourself, if you need God in your life. Rev. Robertson, please speak the gospel and not all this crap that you have been spouting.
2 - Mark Schannon
Nice job. If only you could have turned it into satire instead of just reporting the facts...LOL.
In Jamesons Veritas
3 - Jeff
Quote:
"Your body will die, your spirit will live forever in heaven (if you're a Christian) or in hell (if you're not)."
Speaking of spouting crap, I'd like to point out that this comment is every bit as obnoxious as anything Pat Robertson says, albeit a bit more soft-spoken.
4 - Michael Spencer
actually, a Christian lives forever in a new body in Heaven, whereas a pagan is judged and then perishes - dies.
5 - JW
Is it true that he had to go the hospital for a heart condition this week?