“I’m outta here,” Limbaugh rose from his chair.
“No Rush, I’m sorry, sit down. I just couldn’t resist – I had to try, but that’s it. I’ll stick to our agreement. My producer tells me that during the day you are a blistering advocate of right-wing causes, inflexible and tenacious as no other before you have ever been — but at night you’re a cross ideologue. What’s going on here?”
“Well Jerry,” Limbaugh begins, “as everybody knows, I have the most popular radio talk show ever in the history of radio. For two decades now, I’ve been lauding the virtues of capitalism, conservatism, gun ownership, a strong military and distrust of the federal government — especially during Democratic administrations. Jerry, no one in America, and I do mean no one, has laid the case out as steely cold as I have done. I’ve been one mean S.O.B. and 20 millions Americans loves me for it. All 20 million of them listen to my radio show. Advertisers would kill to get their products on my show. Five days a week for three exhilarating hours, I gather millions of my loyal minions to their radio set to hear my sponsors’ pitch. Jerry, I’ve become richer than I ever dared to imagine – only in America.”
“That all sounds very good,” Springer says, “however, you told my producer that you want to tell your listeners, all 20 million of them, about your secret. And, by the way, they’re waiting in the blue room. (The camera pans the blue room. There is a burly white guy pacing the floor. He is a composite of 20 million Limbaugh listeners.) What is it your fans call themselves?”
“Ditto Heads,” Limbaugh answers.
“Well Ditto Heads doesn’t know why they’re here. They think that they’re here to meet their hero. What are you going to tell them?”
“Well Jerry, I’m going to come clean with them about my being a cross ideologue.”
“You wanna explain this cross ideologue thing before we bring Ditto Heads out?”
“Jerry, it’s like when people of one gender dress in the clothes of the opposite gender. It’s like cross dressing.”
“You mean that on your show you’re a scorch the earth conservative, but there are times when you’re a limousine liberal?”
“Jerry, when night falls, I just can’t resist all those perverted do-good urges that come over me. When night falls, I just want to take in the homeless, feed the poor, undo global warming, marry gays, confirm a woman’s right to choose, double the minimum wage and free the slaves…oh, that’s been done already.”
Article comments
1 - wduff
That was pretty racist. Wow.
2 - Dr Dreadful
Was it? It was thoroughly demented and pretty funny, although I can't really see what the point was, if any.