The following is my recent conversations with Osama at his remote cave dwelling somewhere in hell. Pay attention because he finally tells us what we need to do to stop terrorism. Don't let the pundits spin it because there is no doubt about the reasons. I address his mental capacity, his goals, whether he believes he has been successful so far and whether he has showered lately. Enjoy because it was an extremely painful trip and interview process for reasons you'll soon understand.
These are his own words...
Yensid: Osama, how have you been?
Osama: All Praise is due to Allah.
Yensid: Osama, you didn't answer the question. Seriously, how is your heath? How is your life?
Osama: Your security is in your own hands infidels! And every state that doesn't play with our security has automatically guaranteed its own security!
Yensid: Nothing like getting right to the point.
Osama: All Praise is due to Allah.
Yensid: Ok... well, let's get down to business man... it's been a long trip.
Osama: All Praise...
Yensid: Ok! Ok! Let me just ask you a question. Are you a crazed, insane maniac? Do you continue to wage war on the United States and it's allies because you simply enjoy the bloody image of Americans slaughtered in the streets? What is the purpose and reason for your terrorist acts?
Osama: No, we are not crazy as you suggest. We fight because we are free men who don't sleep under oppression. We want to restore freedom to our nation, just as you lay waste to our nations. So shall we lay waste to yours.
Yensid: Do you hate freedom sir?
Osama: No, we ourselves are free men and we love freedom. If you believe we hate freedom, then let him explain to us why we don't strike for example - Sweden? And we know that freedom-haters don't possess defiant spirits like those of the 19 - may Allah have mercy on them. No one except a dumb thief plays with the security of others and then makes himself believe he will be secure. Whereas thinking people, when disaster strikes, make it their priority to look for its causes, in order to prevent it happening again.
Article comments
1 - Patriot
It is likely that bin Laden agrees with George Washington on how the United States should conduct itself:
In his farewell address, George Washington, a man who rejected being king, admonished the country to avoid foreign entanglements. He told us to avoid "foreign influence and corruption". Washington described this "foreign influence and corruption", as, "foreign alliances, attachments, and intrigues [which] would stimulate and embitter... and which are to be regarded as particularly hostile to republican liberty, ... and [which] open the door to influence and corruption, which finds a facilitated access to the government itself through the channels of party passions..."
Many democracies in the world follow Washington's advice. We don't.
2 - Lono
bold piece, well done!
3 - Natalie Davis
Indeed, thanks, although I expected the ubiquitous tag that David Letterman affixes to the end of each Osama bin Laden oration; "Death to America."
Though I hope he is not killed, I pray that this terrorist and murderer is and brought to justice soon.
Most fascinating piece.