For some reason, I'm reminded of those 1950s educational filmstrips where a kid makes some goofy wish, like "I wish copper didn't exist!" and then some gremlin representing all things copper puts the kid in a psychotic nightmare alternate reality where he tries to get through a day without copper. Finally, he pleads to the demons responsible for his hellish day, pleading for the return of copper. From that day on, the kid becomes one of America's strongest advocates of copper, pushing for equal rights.
But this is 2007. Precious metals like copper are antiquated and replaced by the Internet, presumably. Today we use more relevant ideas like state government to get through the day. What's that, state of Michigan? You say you can live without your government?
Well, your dream almost came true this past weekend. See, there was this chance that over half of Michigan's government employees would have stayed home from work on Monday due to a budget crisis. But working until 4 a.m. — the government can do that? — Michigan finally resolved the budget deficit, and everything is groovy.
The deal Michigan governor Jennifer Granholm put in place meant an increase in income tax from 3.9 percent to 4.35 percent. The state is just one of eight states with one tax bracket, but I have no idea what this means. In all, over a billion dollars in taxes were raised to avert a government shutdown.
This is what happens when the Michigan government stays up until 4 in the morning to accomplish something. Maybe we were better off with the gremlin-induced Michigan dream. After all, who needs state campgrounds, lottery ticket and liquor sales, and state highway patrol officers? I mean, I could speed to work, more so than normal!
Wait, I have to go now — I'm starting to have a vision from a talking mitten named "Michy."