Holland was able to demonstrate that there exists a conflict of interest between State courts and individuals because for every dollar collected by courts they receive additional monies from the Federal government, making child support profitable for State courts and their FOC employees. “It’s how they get paid. High support orders, high arrearages, and long delays mean more Federal money to justify their [FOC and judges] existence,” says Holland, “The courts are uncomfortable with people being able to collectively speak out on issues that can affect their pockets. Why else would they be monitoring a website pertaining to their possible misconduct while being involved with my case?"
If you believe your family law reform website or blog is being monitored, or if you want more information, please visit these additional sites: LaryHolland.org, Serendipity, LHolland360 or write to
Lary.
I'm not sure how far this will go, but I'd like to thank Madison at PBS for her personal email exchange with me about the airing of the bias film Breaking the Silence, the Children's Stories. When I asked how fathers might get their own documentary aired she referred me to this webpage. When I asked her about rebroadcasting Fatherhood USA: Dedicated Not Deadbeat she was kind enough to look it up, but found out they no longer owned the rights. Thanks to Marc Snider at New Hampshire Custody I then asked her about rebroadcasting the April 7th edition of New Hampshire Outlook called Family Law, (video) and doing it nationwide. After watching that video, my heart goes out to Zachary and his dad. I'm hoping for a positive reply. PBS owes all fathers. This would help.
I love hearing from women who see what is happening to fathers and who, like me, are determined to do right by them. So many of these guys feel the majority of women have turned against them, as society has. I try to tell them that most women have no idea what is happening to fathers in their name. Along those lines I'd like to share these words from a woman named Nicole. In a note to fathers she wrote:
You have been, en mass, dismissed as insignificant in the raising of children. In NH, eleven out of twelve of you will only get to participate in your children's upbringing if you have the mother's permission. She has to agree to share the children (otherwise joint custody is all but out of the question) and, if she doesn't, you will only get to see them when she allows it, in spite of any court order for "visitation". Women rule in the world of child custody.
Article comments
1 - Aaman
I am totally content and a very happy father - I don't need anyone speaking up for me. So this concern is misplaced.
2 - Teri In Cali
Aaman, Are you divorced or unmarried father? Many of them tell me my concern is perfectly placed. Teri
3 - Jeremy Swanson
Aaman,
What is wrong with you? Can't you read?
Teri is not writing in defence and support of "content" and "happy" Fathers. Why would she even need to? But she sure writes in defence and support of me and hundreds upon hundreds of thousands of discontented and unhappy Fathers. And I know we all sure appreciate it.
If I was a content and happy Father I wouldn't be involved in defence of men and Dads in North America either. I'd probably be playing baseball and hockey with my son and taking my daughter to ballet. Or at the very least taking part in the blogging of a completely different topic. Get real.
If you knew even a tenth of the horrors being perpetrated against Dads and the North American family daily by family court you would not be so full of yourself. All I can say is that pray it never happens to you. And pray hard.
You might well be a clueless and insensitive fool yourself but you sure don't speak for me and other Dads either. Teri speaks for me.
Kindest possible regards
Jeremy
4 - Aaman
Even if this article is targeted at a certain sub-section of homo pateris, the viewpoint of a happy father is doubtless of value
5 - swingingpuss
I know of a father who is mentally abused by his wife. They have been married for over two decades. The kids are emotional wrecks due to their constant bickering.
Its kind of amusing to see how powerless or powerful the wife feels depending upon the country they are posted in.
While they were in America she was sure she would get custody of the kids and now that her husband is going back to India she seems to be subdued as in India most of the times the father gets the custody of the children.
Divorces and custody battles can get down right ugly.
Unfortunately in the end its the children who suffer the most.
6 - Purple Tigress
Verbal and emotional abuse requires two to play. Often the other person (male or female) enjoys the negative attention, has invested in playing the victim/martyr and has low self-esteem.
Using a passive-aggressive ploy, the victim gets people to do things.
The children are not messed up because of the mother, but because of the mother and father.
The father has just as much a role in the development of the children. If not, then why suggest that the children should be given to the father instead of the mother at all?
India is not a good example because the status of widows and divorced women--both legal and actual--has been questioned. Why does the husband want to return? He has more to gain and the wife has much to lose. Perhaps their bickering has to do with her relative freedom in the US compared to what might be more acceptable traditionally.
I suspect there are cross-cultural issues that also come into play. This is more complicated than just saying in the US men should have equal rights to child custody.
7 - Teri In Cali
Tigress,
I'm not promoting fathers getting sole custody. Not at all. I believe in collaborative co-parenting and joint physical custody.
Teri
8 - Diana
Why men need support...?
its totally bullshit
Sunita
9 - Lary Holland
I think Teri lays it out clear that co-parenting is the best for children, however the current Judicial Atmosphere thrives on the adversarial nature of the system. The reason is clear, Federal Incentives, State Incentives, and County/Local incentives. Divorce and Custody has become an industry that a lot of money flows readily through. Attorneys profit, States Profit, and County/Local governments profit. The Federal then gains control of the family life, which is typically untouchable by handing out HUGE sums of money for specific state legislation to pass. In the words of Keven Trudeau ... follow the money. This isn't a gender war, the State has just convinced special interest groups that it is, and when the fighting is all over, the State will emerge as the Father of your children, your property, and your finances. StandUpToday by removing the gender bias laws that encourage all the fighting and the money. Only then will the winner be the children.