I'd like to thank the Divorce and Child Custody: Free Information for Fathers blog for this story from the Concord Monitor. In Men Need Some Help, Allison Steele reports that New Hampshire's Commission on the Status of Men, established in 2002, recommends in their first report that the state "devote more resources to correcting the gender biases men face in divorce and domestic violence cases, as well as promoting the role of fathers in families." An excerpt from Allison's piece:
Much of the report is concerned with what commission members describe as the biases leveled against men in divorces, child support arrangements and custody disputes. In research and in meetings held over the last year, the commission found that many fathers feel they are treated unfairly in family court disputes. Many complained of judges who automatically side with mothers, child support guidelines that leave the father with little income, and a general lack of understanding of the benefits of a father-child relationship.
"As women have had difficulty establishing their role as important contributors to the workplace, men have had difficulty establishing themselves as important nurturers for their families and children," the report states.
The report also discusses domestic violence. Men told the commission that some women accuse men of assault so that the judge will award the woman custody of the couple's children. Judges tend to take the woman's side, the report states, which can make it difficult for the man to dispute the charges later.
The commission also studied the traditional assumption that all domestic violence is caused by men, and it found studies suggesting that women assault men just as often. Domestic violence education and advocate training programs tend to compound the bias by referring to perpetrators of violence in male terms.
"Efforts to get relief from the domestic violence problem have been unduly influenced by special interests who have successfully sold the problem as solely a responsibility of males over the years," the report states. "The whole truth on this emotionally charged dichotomy isn't being fully revealed."
As a first step, the commission wants the state legislature to renew the Violence Against Women Act - but only if the language in the law is made gender-neutral.
Now isn't that what we've all been saying all along? Geez...
According to the Stand Up Today blog "The Kent County Circuit Court and Kent County Friend of the Court (FOC) are monitoring internet activities of individuals involved in family court cases within their jurisdiction or that are speaking out against them." Lary Holland, father of two who is involved in a domestic relations case involving his two children and who has been outspoken about the operating procedures of the Kent County Circuit Court Family Division since 2003, including the Friend of the Court operations states, "The conduct of these officials has led me to believe they act unethically in discharging their duties."
Article comments
1 - Aaman
I am totally content and a very happy father - I don't need anyone speaking up for me. So this concern is misplaced.
2 - Teri In Cali
Aaman, Are you divorced or unmarried father? Many of them tell me my concern is perfectly placed. Teri
3 - Jeremy Swanson
Aaman,
What is wrong with you? Can't you read?
Teri is not writing in defence and support of "content" and "happy" Fathers. Why would she even need to? But she sure writes in defence and support of me and hundreds upon hundreds of thousands of discontented and unhappy Fathers. And I know we all sure appreciate it.
If I was a content and happy Father I wouldn't be involved in defence of men and Dads in North America either. I'd probably be playing baseball and hockey with my son and taking my daughter to ballet. Or at the very least taking part in the blogging of a completely different topic. Get real.
If you knew even a tenth of the horrors being perpetrated against Dads and the North American family daily by family court you would not be so full of yourself. All I can say is that pray it never happens to you. And pray hard.
You might well be a clueless and insensitive fool yourself but you sure don't speak for me and other Dads either. Teri speaks for me.
Kindest possible regards
Jeremy
4 - Aaman
Even if this article is targeted at a certain sub-section of homo pateris, the viewpoint of a happy father is doubtless of value
5 - swingingpuss
I know of a father who is mentally abused by his wife. They have been married for over two decades. The kids are emotional wrecks due to their constant bickering.
Its kind of amusing to see how powerless or powerful the wife feels depending upon the country they are posted in.
While they were in America she was sure she would get custody of the kids and now that her husband is going back to India she seems to be subdued as in India most of the times the father gets the custody of the children.
Divorces and custody battles can get down right ugly.
Unfortunately in the end its the children who suffer the most.
6 - Purple Tigress
Verbal and emotional abuse requires two to play. Often the other person (male or female) enjoys the negative attention, has invested in playing the victim/martyr and has low self-esteem.
Using a passive-aggressive ploy, the victim gets people to do things.
The children are not messed up because of the mother, but because of the mother and father.
The father has just as much a role in the development of the children. If not, then why suggest that the children should be given to the father instead of the mother at all?
India is not a good example because the status of widows and divorced women--both legal and actual--has been questioned. Why does the husband want to return? He has more to gain and the wife has much to lose. Perhaps their bickering has to do with her relative freedom in the US compared to what might be more acceptable traditionally.
I suspect there are cross-cultural issues that also come into play. This is more complicated than just saying in the US men should have equal rights to child custody.
7 - Teri In Cali
Tigress,
I'm not promoting fathers getting sole custody. Not at all. I believe in collaborative co-parenting and joint physical custody.
Teri
8 - Diana
Why men need support...?
its totally bullshit
Sunita
9 - Lary Holland
I think Teri lays it out clear that co-parenting is the best for children, however the current Judicial Atmosphere thrives on the adversarial nature of the system. The reason is clear, Federal Incentives, State Incentives, and County/Local incentives. Divorce and Custody has become an industry that a lot of money flows readily through. Attorneys profit, States Profit, and County/Local governments profit. The Federal then gains control of the family life, which is typically untouchable by handing out HUGE sums of money for specific state legislation to pass. In the words of Keven Trudeau ... follow the money. This isn't a gender war, the State has just convinced special interest groups that it is, and when the fighting is all over, the State will emerge as the Father of your children, your property, and your finances. StandUpToday by removing the gender bias laws that encourage all the fighting and the money. Only then will the winner be the children.