By now, you're familiar with the either foxed or fixed AOL straw poll that claimed the Democratic candidate for president would get only three electoral votes. Meanwhile, scientifically conducted surveys say the presidential race is close. A more reliable straw poll with more encouraging results was recently brought to my attention by Willamette Week. A group of beings who know a thing or two about war say John Kerry is the man who should lead the nation for the next four years.
EXCLUSIVE: Straw-poll shocker! Fierce warrior race strongly backs Democrat.
Even as John Kerry struggles to establish national-security credentials nationally, an exclusive WW straw poll shows his campaign dominating one skeptical, warlike demographic: Klingons.
The poll, conducted when the DVD release of the Star Trek fan documentary Trekkies 2 attracted Portland's Klingon community to Tower Records on Southeast 102nd Avenue, may spell trouble for President George W. Bush.
The incumbent has staked his campaign on the war on terror. But those who speak the language of the Trek warrior race--known to disdain dishonor, or quvHa'ghach --seem alienated by Iraq and other issues.
According to the poll of eight local Klingons, a whopping 75 percent support the Democratic nominee.
Two Klingons polled — or 25 percent — said they planned to write in Satan.
Bush scored an abysmal zero percent in the poll.
The Klingons say they are unable to support Bush because he is a deceiver. Their strong code of honor will not allow them to vote for a candidate who lied about Iraq possessing Weapons of Mass Destruction as a pretext for invading the country. In their culture, disgrace and dishonor are the appropriate response to deception by a leader.
But, they are not merely voting against a shameful example of leadership. They admire Kerry as a fellow warrior.
Though I find it predictable that the spirited, no-nonsense Klingons would support Kerry for president, I believe there are members of the Star Trek family who will proudly stand with the current administration. The Ferengi doubtlessly admire Vice President Dick Cheney. How could they not? Seldom has a man become richer as the result of suffering of other human beings.
Other Star Trek communities may back one or another of the third-party candidates. I suspect Odo will abstain.
Note: This entry also appeared at Mac-a-ro-nies.
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Article comments
1 - Eric Olsen
very clever, thanks! yet no mention of Klingons circling Uranus?
2 - David Flanagan
I think those Klingons were drinking too much Bloodwine. And we all know that Klingons are hoping that a weaker Earth means they'll finally have a chance to beat us in battle. Of course they'll support the candidate who wants to wage "sensitive" wars.
I expect the Romulans would vote the same way.
David
3 - Eric Olsen
hiding behind their pussy cloaking device
4 - mike hollihan
Hmmm... some random group of Klingons in Portland Oregon who were shopping? Yeah, very warrior behavior there from a hotbed of warrior culture.
I contacted some Vulcan fan friends of mine (three) and polled them. They all plan to vote Bush! Clearly then, the only logical vote is a vote for Bush.
5 - Eric Olsen
yes, at least you can SEE Vulcans, pointy ears and all
6 - Jim Carruthers
What I want to know is who are the Borg going for (oh, wait, dumb question - it is irrelevant, resistance is futile, irrespective of who is frauded into office, you will be assimilated to serve the collective).
But I have to think the Ferengi will go with Kerry since according to The Rules of Acquisition, the worst thing you can do is turn a surplus into deficit through mis-management.
7 - Mac Diva
Surely, the Borg are behind the GOP. Jack Ryan was their stealth candidate. Unfortunately for them, Seven of Nine had a secret.
8 - Jim Carruthers
Oh, c'mon, Ryan was a shape-shifter stealth agent from the Dominion in the Delta Quadrant. It's obvious!
Next you're going to be telling that gold-pressed latinum isn't worth what we thought it was.
9 - Mike Kole
I see we have found the real Dungeons & Dragons players around here.
10 - mike hollihan
"I see we have found the real Dungeons & Dragons players around here."
LOL! Well, I used to write Star Trek fanfiction. Is that geeky enough?
11 - Tim Hall
We've already outed Al Barger (Chaotic Neutral alignment) as a D&D player in another thread.
12 - Eric Olsen
once you get beyond Star Trek, I am blissfully ignorant
13 - David Flanagan
I know Ryan was such a radical, he actually wanted to do kinky things with his WIFE!! OMG! What a scandal.
I guess kinky sex is only acceptable if it's with a complete stranger. Wait, let me write that down....
David
14 - Hal Pawluk
Let's see how this works, David.
Got it, bizarre as it is.Republicans hate Clinton and wanted to have him impeached for having sex, but it's okay for a Republican to do what his ex-wife described as follows:
15 - Mac Diva
What people who try to make excuses for Jack Ryan miss is that his behavior toward his wife was psychological abuse. The divorce records, despite being heavily redacted, portray a man who was manipulative and controlling. Fortunately, fewer and fewer people are trying to make excuses for Jack Ryan. Many Republicans were disgusted by his lies in regard to trying to hide his behavior, and, then mucking up the search for a succesor.
16 - Jim Carruthers
Mike, this isn't about outing the D&D players, it's about outing the Slash-fiction fans.
Myself, I'm all about the MD/Al B fanfic.
Aside from Doogie Hoswer, you can't get better than that.
17 - Tarzan
Cleary none of you have caught on that Kerry IS a Vulcan -- in fact, he is SPOCK:
http://graphics8.nytimes.com/images/2004/11/01/national/01campaign_slide6.jpg
(The good of the many ...)
Live long and prosper.