Karl Rove â€“ aka â€śBushâ€™s Brainâ€ť aka â€śTurd Blossomâ€ť aka â€śBushâ€™s Underhand Manâ€ť - took his Yankees cap into his hands and tearfully announced to a weeping crowd he was making the best political decision President Bush has ever made by vacating his position as the Presidentâ€™s Brain. Unfortunately, Rove made this announcement in 2007 and not in 1993 when he first came into Bush's employ.
A gasp of disbelief rose up in the crowd of fans numbering in the tens of thousands. One teenage female admirer was overheard lamenting to her friends, â€śYou guys, I feel like the band is breaking up!â€ť before running away in sobs.
Insider reactions to Roveâ€™s decision have only recently begun to trickle in. One anonymous rival said, â€śEven though he ruined my political career because I deigned to run against a politician he was advising, Iâ€™m kinda gonna miss that guy. He was always good with surprises. Horribly terrifying surprises.â€ť When asked to comment on Roveâ€™s legacy, Attorney General Alberto Gonzales responded, â€śI do not recall.â€ť
Reports that Roveâ€™s role in helping to get President Bush into potentially the worst position any president has ever been in and then abandoning him was an elaborate ruse to get back at Bush for nicknaming Rove â€śTurd Blossomâ€ť are thus far unsubstantiated.
The fate of Bushâ€™s closest remaining political ally - Dick Cheney - is still unclear. But it is expected that the succeeding Presidential administration will move into the White House to find Cheney shackled to a desk in the Oval Office ranting about being the Emperor and will be forced to lure him out of the White House with promises of lifetime executive privilege.
With Turd Blossom and Skeletor gone, it was widely speculated that Bush will be in an awful panic after being left alone to deal with The Penguin, of whom he is reportedly very afraid. Bush is also nervous because of the overwhelming workload that will be left to him after Roveâ€™s departure. Bushâ€™s sole duty up until this point had been securing an â€śawesomeâ€ť lunch for his staff. President Bush seemed to view the slow systematic dismantling of his cabinet like a mother whose children had spent all day dragging out their many toys, only to abandon the toys in boredom. His reaction to Roveâ€™s resignation: â€śAw, crap, now whoâ€™s gonna help me clean up this mess?!â€ť