Karl Rove – aka “Bush’s Brain” aka “Turd Blossom” aka “Bush’s Underhand Man” - took his Yankees cap into his hands and tearfully announced to a weeping crowd he was making the best political decision President Bush has ever made by vacating his position as the President’s Brain. Unfortunately, Rove made this announcement in 2007 and not in 1993 when he first came into Bush's employ.
A gasp of disbelief rose up in the crowd of fans numbering in the tens of thousands. One teenage female admirer was overheard lamenting to her friends, “You guys, I feel like the band is breaking up!” before running away in sobs.
Insider reactions to Rove’s decision have only recently begun to trickle in. One anonymous rival said, “Even though he ruined my political career because I deigned to run against a politician he was advising, I’m kinda gonna miss that guy. He was always good with surprises. Horribly terrifying surprises.” When asked to comment on Rove’s legacy, Attorney General Alberto Gonzales responded, “I do not recall.”
Reports that Rove’s role in helping to get President Bush into potentially the worst position any president has ever been in and then abandoning him was an elaborate ruse to get back at Bush for nicknaming Rove “Turd Blossom” are thus far unsubstantiated.
The fate of Bush’s closest remaining political ally - Dick Cheney - is still unclear. But it is expected that the succeeding Presidential administration will move into the White House to find Cheney shackled to a desk in the Oval Office ranting about being the Emperor and will be forced to lure him out of the White House with promises of lifetime executive privilege.
With Turd Blossom and Skeletor gone, it was widely speculated that Bush will be in an awful panic after being left alone to deal with The Penguin, of whom he is reportedly very afraid. Bush is also nervous because of the overwhelming workload that will be left to him after Rove’s departure. Bush’s sole duty up until this point had been securing an “awesome” lunch for his staff. President Bush seemed to view the slow systematic dismantling of his cabinet like a mother whose children had spent all day dragging out their many toys, only to abandon the toys in boredom. His reaction to Rove’s resignation: “Aw, crap, now who’s gonna help me clean up this mess?!”
Article comments
— go to most recent comments1 - Dave Nalle
Someone needs to learn the difference between humor and gloating.
BTW, did someone hand out the 'turd blossom' talking points over on DailyDross today?
Dave
2 - Dr Dreadful
Jeez, Dave, it's funny, for Chrissakes. Lighten up.
I mean it's not like the guy insulted your mother.
3 - Dave Nalle
True, my mother would probably find this amusing. But I've been reading idiotic articles about the rove resignation all day, and most of it is just gloating and namecalling like this piece.
Dave
4 - Doug DeLong
Kory,
A brilliant piece. But Dave's right. You shouldn't gloat. You should wait until Karl's sitting in a dark prison cell - then you can gloat. (Don't worry, you shouldn't have to wait too long.)
5 - Dave Nalle
I do find the delusional comments amusing.
Dave
6 - Nancy
Dave, the ONLY delusional person on here is YOU. Defending BushCo is bad enough, but defending a sleazebag like Rove? Jesus, even Poppy Bush couldn't take it & ditched him as being too low; it says volumes about Junior's utter lack of ethics & character that he has characterized this scum for years as his best friend & closest advisor - after Cheney, Rove's mentor, of course.
7 - Dave Nalle
Nancy, Rove is in a dirty business and has done what has needed to be done to accomplish what his employers asked of him. Do you criticize a knife for being sharp or a hammer for being heavy?
But I'll play along. What about Rove makes him 'scum' in your estimation? What, specifically, has he done that you think is so far beyond the norm of politics and human decency that he is 'scum'?
Dave
8 - Nancy
For starters, being the author/instigator of such outright lies & character assassinations as those against Cleland & McCain during the 2000 campaign. And they GOP. He's a liar, a libeller, a sneak, and a plethora of other things too numerous to mention. If politics is a dirty business, as you say, it's because dirt like him makes it filthier & takes it lower & lower. There isn't a foul slander, lie, or nasty business he hasn't been involved in - & what's more, isn't outright PROUD of-! Any normal person would hang themselves for shame at even thinking of some of the things he's done, let alone perpetrating them, yet he glories in it all. He's like some kind of foul pig, wallowing in the filth of his own miasma, & getting it all over everything & everybody in the vicinity whether they will or no. Of course, in Junior's case, he (Dubya) jumped right in, that being as W. has demonstrated for most of his life, his natural inclinations, to take the low road, the easiest road, no matter how unethical, amoral, or vile it may be. Further, it's well documented by several authors that Rove isn't just nasty against what he perceives as political enemies; he even betrays, lies about, & backstabs those who have been his friends and/or benefactors - & brags about it. So add ingrate, judas, & thief to his roster of proud accomplishments.
No - you're right: he probably couldn't get convicted in a court of law. After all, both the law & lawyers are notoriously amoral, sometimes unethical, & frequently completely at odds with justice. But he has done more than enough in one lifetime to qualify for Dante's lower circles, IMO - and frankly if anyone ever does take a bullet to the bastard, I can't see any jury convicting that person. Au contraire, they should be given the Congressional Medal of Honor; they certainly couldn't sully it more than Bush already has.
9 - Lumpy
Hyperbole much, Nancy? So Rove does the same stuff as other campaign managers but being Rove it's all somehow sooo much more evil. Give me a break.
10 - Nancy
No - he doesn't do the same as other political managers. Or rather, they don't sink to the depths he has, or at least have the moral turpitude not to glory in it & brag about it if they have. GOP or Dem, there is NO other political figure who has sunk to the depths Rove has, or has been so egregiously vicious & dishonest. Even his fellow GOPs are repulsed, most of them - except of course for the most cynical & depraved among them.
I repeat: politics may be a dirty business, but it has never been this dirty, nasty, deceitful - & moreover it has never been directed against the welfare of the people of the US, as it has with the advent of Karl Rove. He gives a whole new meaning to "dirt".
11 - Lee Richards
Bravo, Nancy, for dreaming of American politics and government being something better than, "everybody does it", and "he was just following orders."
The Roves of the world put their politics, partisanship, and power above people and ideals, and the result ranges from deceit, decay and corruption to pogroms and holocausts.
12 - Dave Nalle
Nancy, I think you massively overstate Rove's naughtiness (I won't use the word 'evil' because it really doesn't apply). So he's amoral in the pursuit of his goals. What's so unusual about that? Ever had a conversation with a Scientologist?
And Lee, give me a break with the 'pogroms and holocausts'. All this hyperbole makes rational discussion difficult. If you're not going to play in the arena of reality how can we even talk to you?
Dave
13 - Lee Richards
Dave,
It's very Rovian of you to try to distort my meaning and ridicule my words.
Do you deny that those who have placed their politics, partianship and/or power above people and ideals have been responsible for terrible evils throughout history, including pogroms and holocausts? That's what I said.
As to hyperbole, I bow to your unrivaled mastery.
14 - RJ
"Jeez, Dave, it's funny, for Chrissakes."
Uh, that's certainly subjective...
15 - RJ
"I do find the delusional comments amusing."
Heh...
16 - RJ
"frankly if anyone ever does take a bullet to the bastard, I can't see any jury convicting that person."
Classy.
17 - RJ
Karl Rove is simply a more successful version of James Carville, Paul Begala, and Dick Morris. That's all. Bush-haters will disagree, of course, because of the late-stage effects of Bush Derangement Syndrome. But they are hardly credible (and certainly not objective).
18 - Lee Richards
That Rove has been successful at what he set out to accomplish can't be denied.
That merely ranks him high among the other noted clever dirty-trickster, anything for victory, politically amoral "brains" we're sadly afflicted with.
And you don't have to hate Bush--I think he has some good qualities as a person and as a leader--to despise the mess he's made and his apparent indifference to all opinions except his own which he seems to equate with the divine.
19 - Dave Nalle
RJ, Rove is less annoying than Carville. But of all those adviser/manager types the one I find least irritating and most interesting is Dick Morris.
And Lee, I wish that more people who don't like Rove's methods would at least acknowledge that he is awfully good at what he does. And he's only 56, so expect to see him doing it for someone in the next few elections at the very least.
Dave
20 - Christopher Rose
Rove is only good at certain things he does and well crap at others. Like dancing. And shooting! In fact he deserves shooting for his appalling dancing ;-)
21 - Dr Dreadful
Chris, if you're referring to a certain unfortunate hunting incident, that was "Deadeye" Dick Cheney. Haven't heard any shooting stories about Rove, although it wouldn't surprise me if he, too, was responsible for thinning out the population a bit...
22 - Nancy
If you know of any, Chris, cough 'em up - altho the MSM would certainly have made massive hoo-hah of it well before this, I'm sure. Might you have confused him with Deadeye Dirty Dick Cheney?
And how do you know about his dancing? Has ol' TB been dancing in public lately?
23 - Nancy
And Dave, Attila the Hun was also very good at what he did. so were Hitler, Mao Tse-tung, Pol Pot, Hermann Goering, Quisling, Cromwell, Stalin, and any number of others who were "good" at perverting & corrupting government for their own selfish & callous ends in pursuit of power. Doubtless there will be many more in the future who make Rove look positively angelic, I'm afraid. The point is, he is a point man in taking the downward plunge and making it 'the norm' to wallow in this sort of unforgivable behavior, without let or hindrance or a shred of regret or care that in the process he is destroying the fabric of our constitution & the decency & integrity of government. THAT is what makes him 'evil' & 'vile' & classes him as a monster of selfish indifference & greedy malevolence. There is nothing admirable about what Rove does, and it certainly shouldn't be memorialized except for inclusion in a Hall of Shame of some sort.
24 - Christopher Rose
Doc, oops! Yeah, you're right. Don't they look alike anyway? I saw a clip of Rove "dancing" to some rap music recently and I've been shuddering for days!
25 - Nancy
What-!? Where? When? Is it still online?