Or how I passed up wet, topless biker chicks to go to the Texas State Republican Convention where a Ron Paul delegate has promised to punch me in the nuts.
Well, I'm off to the Texas State Republican Convention, about two hours behind schedule, hot and sweaty and under-dressed, having forgotten to bring the suit I had hung on the bathroom door so it wouldn't get wrinkled. The convention is in hot and smelly Houston, and the GPS on my phone prints the street names so small I can't read them even with my glasses, so what should normally be a two-hour trip may take the rest of the day.
I'm going to be reporting quasi-live from the convention, maybe throwing in some interviews, photos, video and other goodies. There's a rumor that Chuck Norris may be there as a VIP, accompanying Governor Mike Huckabee, so I'll be keeping my camera handy to see if his new chin lift is really as impressive as it looks on TV. I'm also going to be paying attention to the efforts of Ron Paul delegates to have an influence on the convention and get their message out.
In honor of the movement to reform the party and because of the possibility of a Norris appearance, I'll be rating my various reports and the events they chronicle with 'Righteous Fists' based on how much the Ron Paul supporters manage to 'stick it to The Man' and the amount of Chuck Norris exposure. In the event of an extremely repressive event — something along the lines of an appearance by Phyllis Schlafly — I may break out the inverted 'Unrighteous Fist', but I hope it won't come to that.
Updates will appear below as continuations of this article, so check back periodically to see how things are going over the next three days.
Thursday, 11:33am - What Beats a Pair of Topless Biker Chicks?
Well, this had better be one hell of a convention. On the way from my house to the highway I had to pass by the Republic of Texas motorcycle rally, which was just getting started up, and there were biker chicks holding a bikini carwash. I drove on by in my rush to get to the convention. I hope I made the right choice, because the car washers were uncharacteristically young and attractive and seemed to be having trouble keeping their tops on. Even Chuck Norris may pale in comparison unless he's had even more radical plastic surgery than I expect.
Thursday, 1:07pm - Skulking at the Salad Bar
Article comments
1 - Lumpy
Wow. Interesting report but that last little tidbit is big news and I didn't see one word abour it on the cable news networks tonight.
What is the sound of a million Paulbots weeping?
2 - Ruvy
Dave, your report would have been a lot more fun with a few photos of topless bikers. Then at least I could rant and rave about what a decadent society America was becoming when even a staid blogger like you resorted to porn to spice up dry political reportage - while enjoying looking at the bikers.
Oh wait a minute - those were biker girls. A camera aimed in their direction without their (or their boyfriends') consent might have cost you a few teeth....
Shoulda read closer, there.
Paul dropping out of the race might have been the reason that SD25 was not so well represented....
Sounds like the whole thing will be a pretty boring affair now, Dave. Unfortunately, most folks don't care about "party reform" - even though they should.
Pity.
Righteous fist? Hah! Try sheep, instead.
3 - Guy Fawks
Lumpy,
That sound that your hearing isn't weeping. It's the spring tension of full metal jackets you're hearing throughout the country. Clean those lumps out of your ears bubba.
It would appear that your neocon(victs) have made a threat to Dr. Paul, urging him to drop out or else... Just to refresh your memory, Constitutional Law trumps a neocon takeover.
You would do yourself well to steer way clear of the Paulbots. There is a whole hell of lot more of them than there are of you.
Nalle loves spewing about backlash, but he ain't seen backlash in its full maturity yet. Common sense seems to be eluding factor in his level of intelligence, however small that may be. And with some you other Nalle lackeys in here, you too are proof that the apple doesn't fall far from its tree.
Lumpy, you ain't dancing on Pauls grave by any means. You're dancing on your own, except you're just not intelligent enough to figure that one out yet. Victory comes at price and you certainly don't have what it takes to pay that toll. Maybe you should be the one weeping, you arrogant s.o.b.
4 - Guy Fawks
Top of morning to you Ruvy. Those topless biker chics are quite "kosher", aren't they? What did your wife and kids think of them? Hope they were drooling instead of gagging this time.
I see you're rebel-rousing in American politics again. Would you feel better if we sent McCain over to your country to be your president, or maybe you'd prefer Obama? I'm sure either one could reform your party. One's for more war, the others for more welfare and your country wants both, right?
5 - Ruvy
Top of the afternoon to you, Guy. It's afternoon here, about four hours away from the Sabbath.
Trouble with that reading comprehension again, eh? The whole point of my post to Dave was that there were no photos of topless biker girls, so I couldn't hypocritically complain about them while enjoying them myself.
Given that I am an American citizen with rights to vote in the comedy you call elections, I have a legitimate, albeit long distance, interest. If the American president and his secretary of state weren't already trying to ru(i)n this country, I'd have a far lesser degree of interest in American politics. Since, at this point, it is a given that whomever is the American president will ride roughshod over his puppets in Jerusalem, I do have particular opinions as to which scumbag of the two gets into Lincoln's bed on a regular basis, as well as a legitimate interest in the matter.
Essentially if you kept both scumbags OUT of our affairs, you'd hear little from me at all on your boring politics, Guy. If you got rid of your soldiers stationed on our soil, the "foreign aid" you use to keep this country on a short leash, took back your puppet of a Governor of the Bank of Israel, and stuck him in a Coke bottle where he belongs, got rid of all your other garbage you have stuck here, I'd be a very happy fellow.
But since that is not likely to happen here without a "rising of the shire", you'll just have to abide reading my opinions.
Too bad for you.
One good point in your favor, though. I don't post during the Sabbath, so you'll get 25 hours or so, Ruvy free! Be grateful for small blessings, Guy.
6 - Dave Nalle
Fawks (sic) as usual you make little or no sense. Something about armed revolution, I think, plus a paranoid rambling about Paul being set upon by GOP central committee ninjas, was it?
If you watch his speech he seemed pretty damned happy to be taking his $4 million plus in remaining campaign money and running.
Dave
7 - Dave Nalle
For those who haven't caught on, this report is chronological and ongoing. For the latest entries, check the last few pages. More to come today, but I'm running behind due to a hard drive malfunction which has me stuck in my hotel room doing repairs and backups instead of eating breakfast.
Dave
8 - Clavos
Wuz wonderin'...
9 - Jordan Richardson
If a Ron Paul delegate does punch you in the stones, promise me you'll Youtube it in between gasps.
10 - Johnny Sixgun
I'll make him wait until I set up my video camera. I'm sure he'll be amenable.
Dave
11 - Dave Nalle
BTW, I've decided to split this mammoth thing in two. New entires are at The Righteous Fist Marches On.
Dave
12 - Lumpy
With all the press coverage Norris got for hanging out with Huckabee earlier in the week I'd have thought he'd go to the convention for even more.