Two hundred and thirty five years have elapsed since our Continental Congress politely asked the Crown to peaceably sever our bond to the Motherland, whereupon George III, according to rumor, tore up the facsimile we so graciously sent to him across the mighty Atlantic, a journey of some three months no less.
According to a favorite tall tale which keeps my heart warm is that upon seeing my Signature, that old Scoundrel flew into a wild rage and pranced around like a common idiot, so incensed was he our Prideful and Bold action of creating a new Nation, conceived in Liberty and Justice and all that.
Dearest Countrymen: we are in grave peril of transforming into the Empire against which we fought so valiantly and memorably! It may be of some considerable Shock, at very least to esteemed Compatriots, that I am alive at all (much less blaspheming), in light of the Fact that my corporal being ended just seven Years shy of the Nineteenth Century.
America remains a Nation still in thrall to its youth, in comparison with Old Europe, from whose ranks we broke away so definitively and irrevocably and now, drunk with military Power, follow in its well-trod steps. I am moved to write today, for the same reason I felt so moved to write my Name so legibly all of those years ago, that our Leadership means to “Europeanize” our wild & wooly breed of Anglo-Scottish liberty-combatants, a Race that now appears to take up a quite small proportion of the populace.
Not that I am a “hater,” of course. The current President, for whom I was not yet Resurrected to cast my sacred suffrage is, according to pseudo-intelligences from our Southern neighbors, an avowed Mussulman. Yet whether or not this proves true I have not the slightest Opinion or Interest.