Primaries, caucuses and C-span coverage not withstanding, the general election is already in full swing. It began last Saturday night when, with the Democratic returns still being counted in Michigan and Washington, CNN and MSNBC were showing a Larry King re-run interview with Janet Jackson and an episode of Headliners and Legends (I think Fox was showing a special in which a panel of high-powered, telegenic and experienced conservatives were matched up in a war of words against a lone, learning-disabled liberal who spoke no English and had a predisclosed and violent camera-light allergy). The combination of an Iraq sans WMD and the Kerry campaign sans significant competition has put the President somewhat on the defensive. But these are early days. Newsweek's Fineman and Isikoff provide a nice overview of where the first real punches might be landed. In the meantime, here is a Reader's Digest version of a possible first debate between Kerry and Bush:
Bush: War on terror
Kerry: Vietnam
Bush: Evil doers
Kerry: Band of Brothers
Bush: Grave and growing
Kerry: Imminent?
Bush: Let me step back a moment
Kerry: (sensing weakness) Mekong Delta
Bush: (regaining composure) Massachusetts Liberal
Kerry: I don't like to talk about it, but I'm a war hero.
Bush: Bring it On
Kerry: No, I have three words for you. Bring ... It ... On
Bush: Let's Roll
Kerry: I'm coming, you're going and...
Bush: I haven't heard you talk like that since our Skull and Bones initiation week.
Kerry: ... don't let the door hit you on the way out.
Bush: (pounding a fist on his podium) The Almighty, Faith-based, Mel Gibson, God Bless
Kerry: Ketchup fortune, good hair, tall, I can still drink
Bush: Fake Vietnam stories
Kerry: That was Bob Kerry
Bush: Dukakis
Kerry: Ashcroft
Bush: Lobbyists
Kerry: Halliburton
Bush: The South!
Kerry: Smart people
Bush: You're rich!
Kerry: You love the rich
Bush: Gay marriage, Sodomy, the L word, Carson Kressley
Kerry: Ralph Reed?
Bush: Shadows, caves, murderers
Kerry: Program related activities?
Bush: (with the classic accusatory smirk) Senator
Kerry: (taken aback) ... (long pause) ... Flightsuit!
Bush: Military spending dove
Kerry: Flightsuit
Bush: Votes to cut funding for intelligence agencies
Kerry: Flightsuit
Bush: Bring it On
Kerry: Bring it On
Article comments
1 - Ms. Tek
That made me smile. Thank you.
2 - Eric Olsen
Excellent Dave, you are raising our intellectual capacity by the minute!
3 - Jim Carruthers
What's so depressing is that it is the actual transcript.
Ay, ay, time for regieme change.
Now why can't you get Tina Faye in the office? Y'know cause it doesn't really mean anything? And she knows how to do a smirk at least.