The answer is to use the aluminum foil which the elites allow us to have, but to use the right design to maximize its effectiveness. The traditional cockade-style hat design borrowed from paper hats just isn't adequate when working with inferior materials. If you have aluminum foil or are lucky enough to find some actual tinfoil at a junk shop or antique store, you can double its effectiveness by using a miter-style design which resembles a Catholic bishop's hat. Hardly a coincidence, since those bishops line their hats with metal foil to protect them from attacks by witches and sorcerers.
You start out with a 12 inch square piece of foil. Fold it in half to make a triangle. Then take the points on the top and bottom folds opposite the long, folded edge and fold them back halfway to the main fold. Then, take the other two corners and fold them opposite to each other to form two right angles at each end of the folded foil. Then, fold the triangular ends over in opposite directions. You will then have a perfect square, 6 inches on a side. On the side opposite the very first fold there will be an opening. Stick the fingers of each hand inside one of the sides, and with your thumbs holding the foil to the fingers from the outside, pull your hands apart. The hat will open up and naturally form two points as in the traditional bishop's miter. You may want to push the points closer together to form a better point.
The hat is worn square on the head, with the brim resting above the eyebrows. This should effectively shield your brain from any kind of radiation directed at it from above or from any side. While we have had good results with this hat design, even with aluminum foil, we make no guarantees as to its effectiveness. Scientists at the Carlyle Group and NASA are on the payroll of the Rothschild and Rockefeller families, and are constantly at work on improving mind control and pacification laser, microwave and sub-sonic technology. We cannot guarantee effectiveness against chemtrail pathogens or psychotropics and recommend that the hat be worn in combination with a dust mask sprayed with Windex. Do not use Formula 409, GreenWorks or any other Clorox product as Clorox is owned by the Taft family, who are notorious members of the CFR.
Article comments
— go to most recent comments1 - Joanne Huspek
Oh, MY GOD, Dave, I am laughing so hard that my sides hurt and the corners of my mouth are spasmed. Thanks a lot, Dude. I am supposed to be working!
2 - Baronius
Dave, this is the column you've been building toward since you started on Blogcritics. What are you going to do for the rest of your life now that you've accomplished this?
3 - Jet
Dave, surely you could've found a better picture of yourself?
4 - Jet
Does it matter if it's the heavy foil or the cheap thin stuff. will the thick stuff keep things in?
...oh yeah, I know, don't call you Shirley
5 - Jet
My sincere thanks for the laugh, but you forgot to include making it adjustable in case a beloved family member loses theirs and needs immediate protections!
6 - Deano
Just how much time do you have on your hands in the summertime??
7 - Matthew T. Sussman
Richard Dean Anderson scoffs at your use of just one material.
8 - Jet
Deano; don't scoff, this is very useful information. I tried a #10 tin can, but it didn't work, so I'm going to try this very considered, generous and intelligent alternate suggestion.
One thing though...
Won't the computer read my thoughts now and try everything it can from preventing me from constructing one?
9 - Dave Nalle
Dave, this is the column you've been building toward since you started on Blogcritics. What are you going to do for the rest of your life now that you've accomplished this?
Well, there's still the rest of the Chemtrail protection kit to work on.
Dave
10 - Jet
Oh great Baronius, you had to encourage him didn't you? :)
11 - Dave Nalle
BTW, this is officially my 500th article for BC.
Dave
12 - Dr Dreadful
Congrats, Dave (I suppose). I had noticed earlier today you were at 499 when I was responding to the guy on the thread of your other article who claimed you had nothing to write about except Ron Paul.
Now your challenge, should you choose to accept it, is to come up with another 500 by Election Day...
13 - Jet
Okay I must've missed a memo somewhere; is Dave for or against Ron Paul this week?
Congrats on 500-you don't look a day over 350...
No wait, I just remembered your writer picture...
14 - Dave Nalle
That would be quite a challenge, Dr. D. Do you realize that 500 of my wordy articles is about the same as writing 4 novels?
Makes me wonder if maybe I should actually be writing a novel or two, since they make actual money.
Dave
15 - Pablo
Well of course I had to reply to this article, at least you for once put it in the proper classification which is satire.
Of particular note to me is the game that you chose to accompany this article Davey. As in the Illuminati Game by Steve Jackson. This game was originally a card game released in 1995. In the deck of cards that are in the game are two that are quite interesting. The first card of note is called Terrorist Nuke, and clearly shows on the card the twin towers being blown up. The second card of note is called the Pentagon and shows a fire destroying it.
Illuminati Game
I get a particular kick of your followers Dave, gather around like a gaggle of geese cackling about conspiracies. As in patting yourselves on the back that all is good in the world, and oh those crazy conspiracy freaks. Even more amusing to me, how you will do everything you can to denigrate, smear, condescend, and make fun of that which you have no clue about. I know it helps you guys sleep better at night, but I do get a kick out of it!
I dont know about Google and mircrowaves, but I do know that they are attempting to silently (without permission) use peoples webcams to spy on them, and uh no I wont provide reference urls to substantiate it, do your own homework. As to cell phones, some main stream leading scientists are urging people not to talk on them long for fear of microwaves causing cancer. As to the Chinese they like mobile execution vans, and also sell organs from recently murdered political dissidents to rich folks in need of kidneys and such. As to the Carlyle group why dont you ask the Bin Laden family about their activities, I am sure they could provide you with much more than I can bubba.
Your remarks are so typical of you Davey, cute, arrogant, and mean. At least you write in a style that reflects accurately your mind bucko. :)
Yes Davey the Rothschilds do rule the world, their underlings are Chatham House, The CFR (one and the same), the Rockefellers through the Trilateral Commission and the Bilderbergs. Its all quite out in the open!
I will proudly wear my tin foil hat next to your ten gallon good ole boy texass gop right wing one any day o the week bubba. Cheers Davey :)
16 - Dave Nalle
Pablo, Illuminati was originally released in the mid-80s and the original card set did not have the same illustrations as the current release. And any idiot could predict a terrorist attack on the WTC and many did. Plus 1995 was a year AFTER the original twin towers attack, right?
I'm surprised you're not up on your google conspiracies. In addition to the one you mention, they have unmarked vans travelling the country photographing EVERY HOUSE. Bet that scares you.
Dave
17 - STM
Dave,
I think now that you've done this (we've been waiting for it) it's time to revisit that other oldie but a goodie: argentine ants, which seem to have migrated from Argentina to the four corners of the Earth. A few were recently found in my fridge, and God knows how the bastards got to Australia.
18 - STM
Dave says: "I'm surprised you're not up on your google conspiracies. In addition to the one you mention, they have unmarked vans travelling the country photographing EVERY HOUSE. Bet that scares you."
This is google street view. It's just come online in Oz, where the little vans have been driving around every city street Down Under taking pictures of everyone's houses. They must have got my joint on a Sunday arvo, as both the cars are there. Normally, we're both out working our tits off six days a week to keep up with a variable rate mortgage that has been steadily going up as a result of the US sub-prime crisis.
It's a world-domination plot, obviously ... :) I might have to use Dave's tinfoil hat since the mind-ray machine operated by the US is obviously being pointed across the Pacific too.
Good luck trying to find any minds in Australia that make sense to Americans.
I reckon street-view is pretty cool, though. As for the pictures: It's nothing you couldn't do anyway yourself if you wanted to, and they offer the option of having pictures taken down if you want.
19 - jamminsue
Thanks for the great satire, you made my evening!
20 - Dave Nalle
Stan, a guy here in the US is actually suing Google for posting a picture of his house on the internet. Not sure how far the suit has gotten.
I'm relatively safe since my house is about a quarter of a mile from the road and invisible from the gate. I would like them to post a picture of my gate, but it doesn't seem to be a high priority for them.
As for the Argentine ants, some of the best research I've read on them comes from Australia which is one of the first places they were identified.
Interestingly the ones in our yard are now having trouble with some other breed of ant which is giving them a run for their money. Unfortunately the other ant species have stingers. But while they've reclaimed much of the yard, they don't have the argentine ants' indoor skills.
Dave
21 - Pablo
Dave you said:
"I'm surprised you're not up on your google conspiracies. In addition to the one you mention"
The one that I mentioned bucko, happens to not only be a conspiracy but a fact, something you conveniently chose to ignore. Scared? Hardly, I do however find it typical of CIA controlled companies to violate peoples right to privacy, I am referring bubba, to google using peoples cams on their home computers to spy on them.
But hey, your a big fan of the CIA in an uhhh a family way bubba! Cheers.
22 - Dr Dreadful
Google just did Fresno. We live in a gated condo complex, so the bastards couldn't get inside, mwuuahhaha. They've had to settle for unsatisfying glimpses of the condos that are near the main gate and aren't concealed behind trees.
And Stan, I think you're right that they must do their stuff at weekends - probably Sundays, so that they're least likely to get in everyone's way when their vans are crawling down the street taking photos. I just surfed downtown to take a gander at my office and the parking lot's completely empty. I suppose it could have been one of our Fridays off, but the County workers just down the street usually take the opportunity to grab some free parking on those days.
23 - STM
Dave writes: "I'm relatively safe since my house is about a quarter of a mile from the road and invisible from the gate. I would like them to post a picture of my gate, but it doesn't seem to be a high priority for them."
Mate, they probably have taken a shot of the gate. The street views are generally a full view, so include all houses and structures, including gutters and gates! that go to make up a street. You might just need to toggle the view around a bit using the arrows.
Doc: I sent Clav a link to my joint today. I told u about my neighbours who don't like my Queen Palm (Cocos Palm)? It's in the google shot for posterity, but is coming down soon as the Land and Environment Court has ruled in their favour.
However, they lost the full case as I agreed to the removal, and the Court ruled against removal of another tree in my driveway garden and a request to remove virtually my entire driveway garden. I still have to pay for the palm removal but not their costs.
They are expat Poms too, from Liverpool! They just don't like bloody trees. Rows of grey terrace houses is fine, but beautiful trees that add some amenity to the local environment? Phfft!
They actually caused all the damage when they built their new house ... they excavated the land and didn't build a proper retaining wall.
Anyway, I'll always be able to see my palm tree on street view :)
24 - STM
"Google just did Fresno"
What, like Debbie did Dallas?? Do you feel they're f.....g over with this mate?
I reckon it's all right - a bit of fun. But I can imagine quite a few deranged Americans will be blowing up about it ;)
25 - Jet
Dave,
check your e-mail and tell me how I did
Jet