Sometimes I could believe I was living in the Matrix. Only, I can’t imagine sentient programs creating a world as irrational as ours.
We’ve come to expect the usual Christmastime attacks upon tradition in the name of the mythical “separation of church and state”; the nativity scene on public property and school Christmas celebrations are favorite targets. Then we have those wonderfully inclusive “holiday trees.” But now, hell’s sleigh bells, Santa Claus is under assault.
Is it because his image smacks of religion? Is it because he is also known as St. Nicholas? No and no. It is far, well, more stupid than that. Here’s the first of two examples of Santa insanity:
Some people don't want Santa Claus to say “ho-ho-ho” because it could be demeaning to women.
I kid you not.
I first heard about this idea being posited by some rubber-room candidates in Australia, but now it’s happening here, too. Writes the Austin American-Statesman,
The Chicago Tribune reports that the new Christmas controversy is over Santa’s traditional ho-ho-ho laugh. A company that hires mall Santas is advising its employees not to use the ho-ho-ho line. It suggests instead he-he-he or ha-ha-ha.
Because? The ho word can be demeaning to women, the company trainer told a group of Santa recruits. He was referring, of course, to the word as used in some rap music and hip hop songs to mean what we once referred to as “women of the night.” Or “working girls.”
I'm not sure if the right response is he-he-he, ha-ha-ha or to cry. But I'm not surprised that the name of the “trainer” wasn’t mentioned. Can you believe this lunkhead gets paid to render advice? He probably considers himself quite insightful, too.
Not to be outdone in the battle for complete intra-cranial neuronic dislocation, our friends across the pond also have a problem with the rotund jolly man.
He’s too fat.
The Daily Mail writes that Santas have been ordered to either slim down or face eviction from shopping malls.