Happy Election Day... Now Get Off My Lawn! - Page 2

My line neighbor and I exchanged wary glances. We needed to tell someone but moving an inch meant we’d lose our hard-earned spots at the front. I surveyed my options: the motherly types selling baked goods and coffee for stressed and fatigued voters, an elderly pastor overseeing the vote-counting machine or the tiny tots zooming in between people’s legs to entertain themselves during the boring voting process.

As it turned out, we had no reason to fret. While I continued to bounce around my square of the sidewalk, frost-bitten and nervous, a champion lurked on the dark porch of the next house.

He was older but he stared down the thief from behind his Buddy Holly glasses. His voice protested softly at first. He politely asked what the hell the thief was doing taking someone else’s sign. No response came save for the labored grunts of the thief ripping out the sign stakes. The longer the homeowner was ignored, the louder he got until he was shouting and making threatening hand gestures. The man soon addressed the line, all of us openly ogling the spectacle.

“This man is stealing my sign! Don’t get out of line, vote!” he yelled. “VOTE!”

The crowd was ecstatic. Cheers rose from the sleepy civilians and cries for a citizen’s arrest were rampant. To the delight of the crowd, the man pretended to lunge at the thief and laughed when the sign-stealer jumped back. He never attempted to replace the sign but he backed quickly out of the yard and farther down the street.

We thought the older man was finished when he went back into his house. It was rather amazing how fast the whole incident had passed. Just as quickly as the line had rallied for justice on this auspicious occasion, we now settled back into the monotony of waiting to vote: ear buds firmly reinserted, eyes slowly glazing over once more. I was almost finished with my newest Sudoku puzzle when I was nudged sharply in the ribs by Neighbor Boy.

Our hero in Buddy Holly glasses had re-emerged toting a camera with a noticeably large lens. He was surprisingly agile for a man his age. He leapt off the porch with the grace of youth and began sprinting after his sign, still clutched by the retreating thief. The thief walked calmly the entire time but mysteriously gained speed every time the older man got too close. The chase lasted only a few houses, ending when they were both stopped by police at the nearby convenience store. We were all craning our necks in the hopes of an arrest or more righteous action on the part of Buddy Holly. Sadly, nothing other than strong words were exchanged.

Article Author: Stephanie Rasch

Stephanie Rasch is a Professional Writing junior at some random university in the Midwest. Her interests include reading, rock-climbing, traveling, dancing and skydiving. She hopes one day to master teleportation to avoid long lines at the airport and eliminate long-distance relationships. …

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