I'm writing this from the point of view of a gay man speaking to other gay men and women; but I am hoping that many straight readers will pay attention and come to understand my frustraton.
Yes, this is sort of another post on Mark Foley, a man and an issue that may sadly end up defining the 2006 national elections. But that's a grievance for another day.
One of the downsides for me of posting on a "mainstream" and generally "straight" blog like Blogcritics is the all too frequent encounters with the harsh and uninhibited language of homophobia as only the Internet can deliver. Many of the comments left on my "straight" blog posts are mind-boggling, but they are especially instructive when they come from men who claim to be heterosexual and either moderate or liberal.
As an aside, I also post on Daily Kos which is, as many of you likely know, a hotbed of liberalism and also a fair dose of crazy. Mostly I post on my own blog which is primarily read by a gay audience and the comments are within the framework of a gay perspective.
As a gay man, if you spend time reading straight blogs and even liberal political blogs, you might have noticed - and not surprisingly - that between Jim McGreevey and now Foley, the image of the gay community is going through a difficult time. And there is a prevailing perception - and not all that inaccurate - that McGreevey is experiencing a love fest within the gay community and among gay professional, political, and social organizations. And this perceived "love fest", as I feared it would be, is causing too many straight moderates and liberals to question the integrity and credibility of the gay community.
Here's a representative comment:
To illustrate the sad state of the Gay community...Jim McGreevey...the disgraced NJ governor who proclaimed that he was a "Gay American" as if he were some sort of victim is now the "Belle of The Queer Ball" for writing his story--this is all in his book--of how he would suck off strangers at rest stops and adult book stores while he was an elected official. He talks about it as a badge of courage. The guy had to resign for being a criminal...several of his closest cronies are in jail or under indictment...so here is the poster boy for the gay community. Come on guys! You have to do better than that to be taken seriously.
Article comments
— go to most recent comments1 - Ruvy in Jerusalem
Richard,
This is a very interesting article and in reading it I realized that I'll have to write an article on a related topic soon, one that I loathe to write, but that events force upon me.
2 - John
That's a lot of heterosexual statuatory rape going on and the figures mentioned only count the offences resulting in pregnancies.
"And it's also obvious to everyone other than right wing and religious extremists that sexual misconduct and crime is as common if not more common among heterosexuals than it is among homosexuals. According to the latest government stats, of the 750,000 unwanted teen pregnancies in this nation last year, more than 70% of them were caused by adult males and over 50% of them were caused by adult males in girls 14 and younger. What's the Christian Right doing about that?"
"Unwanted teenage pregnancies"? No pregnancy in a minor is desirable, not to mention the overpopulation issue.
It also doesnt even mention the glut of usually heterosexual minors who sexually prey on adults.
3 - JustOneMan
Here's a representative comment:
Can you please give credit where credit is due!
4 - Baronius
Blogcritics is straight? Have you looked around here recently? I think there are about 5 heteros left.
5 - Jet in Columbus
Those damned heterosexuals there always making trouble...
6 - aaron silver
THE DANGERS OF "THE CLOSET"
In the wake of all of the recent sex scandals in the past couple of years in Washington and elsewhere in the news that often get lost when the scandals involve politicians. I believe that the "closet" needs to be mentioned and understood. I believe it will provide the necessary context from which to view some of these scandals. The closet, meaning where people hide their sexual orientation, whether one is a man or woman but particularly I am speaking of men at this time because I believe men use the closet even more often than woman because of societies very narrow view and expectations of what behaviors are considered appropriate for men.
Woman can be Tomboys much easier than men can be sissies. Of course not all gay men are effeminate by a long shot but that is a stereotypical image of gay men and therefore many men attempt to cover up any behaviors they may have and believe may bring on suspicion. Therefore men, whether they be gay or straight, will practice stereotypical masculine behaviors to thwart any suspicion often out of fear and necessity, particularly if they feel pressure to do so to protect their careers or career advancement. However, many gay men for a variety of reasons whether they have difficulties reconciling their religious views with their natural inner feelings and same sex attractions or also may do so out of fear of social denunciation. These men will then join the astounding numbers of men that are also hiding in the closet.
The fear of being discovered can be enormous and absolutely terrifying. These men will often then do what they believe society expects from them. They will often marry and have children perhaps out of desperation in an always unsuccessful attempt at trying to make these natural longings go away and try and hide these powerful feelings of attraction that we all know very well and have experienced ourselves whether toward the same sex or the opposite sex, its all the same. They may also marry and have homosexual secret liaisons with men and feel terrible guilt in doing so. They will do their very best to compartmentalize their lives the best that they can, but I believe and have found that the longer one stays in the closet the more damage is done to them emotionally. It is very difficult to compartmentalize for a long period of time these very powerful feelings without developing some emotional problems to varying degrees. Also many develop coping mechanisms such as addictive behaviors of all sorts whether they be alcoholism, prescription or non prescription abuse. They may develop addictions to pornography sexual addiction or other self-destructive ways of acting out. Once again unfortunately the longer one stays in the closet there will also then be more victims because of their closeted lifestyle choice. The victims may be their wives and children, their friends, parents and siblings, all feeling like they have been betrayed if their true nature is discovered as it was for ex-governor of New Jersey, Mr. McGreevy. I feel very sad for the victims as well as I very much understand the sadness and despair he and many others feel once the closet door is flung open. For some, the shame is just too unbearable and suicide seems like the only alternative to ending their pain and shame.
Society needs to take some responsibility with this matter of the closet by being more accepting of alternative lifestyles. Without the closet just think of how much less pain many people and families would have to endure. Not only the ones that feel that living in the closet is their only alternative but for the victims that find themselves feeling betrayed and the breaking up of families. We as a culture have some soul searching to do on this matter and not be so self-involved and self-righteous. There are a variety of ways of loving and living. We need to accept that what seems to be normal for some is not necessarily normal for all. With what I have just said in no way excuses adult men from making wrong choices that victimize others such as the irresponsible behaviors demonstrated by the now ex-congressmen Foley. I'm not even going to go so far as to say his closet behaviors are the reason for his conduct. I don't know. I don't know him. However, as I said the closet can cause deep and very troubling emotional problems that can manifest in abhorrent behaviors. This may or may not be the cause of his behaviors. However one thing I do know is that he does know what's right and wrong and as he surely knew, his attractions to under aged teens is not only illegal but inappropriate an attraction and should have sought therapy before creating victims. However, because there is still so much shame yet in this day and age and our rather hypocritical puritanical society, cause many gays to not seek help concerning issues they may be struggling with from the appropriate professionals. I generally do not recommend clergy because it can cause further damage do to their religious agendas which can deepen one's shame and depression. The is a very complicated issue that society has to become more compassionate about or we will continue to shame gays enough and inhibit their comfort level preventing them from seeking the appropriate help for any specific personal issues in which they may be struggling with.
One can read more about this issue and many other disturbing issues involving gay culture of today in my new book; "why gay men do what they do", an inside look at gay culture.
7 - Silas Kain
Blogcritics is straight? Have you looked around here recently? I think there are about 5 heteros left.
We just take over everything, don't we? Actually stem cell research and cloning are THE gay agenda items because we want to manufacture a world of fags and dykes so that straights can be eradicated from humanity.
8 - SFC SKI
Interesting points made in the article and in the comments. I lived in Ptown for 5 years in the '80's, in a sense I watched a revolution in gay culture. I am hardly an expert, but I have noticed that most people gay or straight got along best with the homosexuals who were comfortably out, but not militantly so about it. There is a Gay Pride parade there every year (darling every day is a Gay Pride parade in Ptown), and several of my homosexual acquaintances aked the sme question you do, are the flamboyant and at times tasteless examples the ones we want to have represent the gay community as a whole? That's for you to decide.
Alas, Ptown has changed in the last 20 years, and not always for the better. Still, gay or straight, the sunsets overthe ocean and the feeling of being at the end of the world were two things that keeps it in our hearts.
9 - John
I hate everything gay! From experience, not prejudice! From the 25 year old faggot that hit on me when I was a teenager, to my closeted friends, who back stab, and plot, to the constant media attention, to the disgusting styles, music, lisps. The power and control over popular culture, and degrading of straight people through commercials. I hate your guts and I wish you would all jump off the Golden Gate bridge!!!!
10 - Silas Kain
Now either #9 is severely in the closet or Tom has a lot of time on his hands these days and is cruiseing here at BC. Insofar as the 25 year old that hit on him, that was a mercy hit.
11 - John
Predictable insult from #10. Do you see the irony in you calling me gay as a pejorative? I am here to find out why my closeted gay ex friend is so betraying and screwed up. I have been tolerant and open minded as prescribed by The Machine, but now through experience I hate everything gay!!! I love my girlfriend. She builds my manhood, deepens my voice, raises my testosterone, sharpens my mind, makes me proud. Does that make you horny? Do you dream of shaming a straight guy to make him like you? You know you are screwed up, so you try to change the world to make yourself relatively normal. That's why you use gay as an insult.
12 - Christopher Rose
John, your perception is shallow and your ego weak. Listen to yourself - through one bad experience, which you might have misunderstood anyway as you aren't a strong thinker, you now hate everything gay and are seeing your girlfriend as a kind of social gym; she builds your manhood (whatever that means), deepens your voice, raises your testosterone, sharpens your mind, makes you proud. She's a person, not an appliance.
There is only one person on this thread who is screwed up and I'm addressing him...
13 - John
12
Christopher. Maybe this commentary format is not conducive to understanding one another. My point about my girlfriend means that I have noticed that after being single for a long time, then in love, and making love to her all day for months on end, I noticed a positive change in myself that I did not expect, but I appreciated. I think gay sex has the opposite effect on men. That's why so many of you are sissy pissy, scheming, jealous, and mean. And I hate that!
14 - Christopher Rose
As, on a physical level, there is no difference to a man whether he is making love to a woman or another man, your point is obviously mistaken.
The only person that has been pissy, scheming or mean in these comments is you, so perhaps it is yourself that you hate.
Personally I hate dishonesty and stupidity and you have that going on big time.
15 - Silas Kain
As, on a physical level, there is no difference to a man whether he is making love to a woman or another man...
ON a physical level that's very true, on an emotional level it's like night and day.
That's why so many of you are sissy pissy, scheming, jealous, and mean...
Many? I don't think so. It's just that the sissy, pissy, scheming ones are more in view of everyone than the rest. Men are intrinsically more scheming, pissy and jealous whether gay or straight. Problem is "straight" men who are uncomfortable with their sexuality won't admit it rather immersing themselves into a voraciously destructive penchant for sex to compensate for their insecurities. I know, I've been there. Straight men who are comfortable will readily acknowledge that which is true about the jealous nature of male humans.
A case in point would be Dan White the late San Francisco Supervisor who assassinated Mayor Moscone and Harvey Milk. The crimes he committed were deeply rooted in his own sexual identity crisis. Instead of dealing with his demons he projected his hatred upon Harvey and consequently committed destructive actions. Unfortunately we will never know for sure because Dan White committed suicide which, in and of itself, tells me I am spot on.
If you're a person struggling with his/her sexuality and are reading this, let me share something with you. You are loved. God, in His infinite wisdom, will never let you down. While there are those who will spit at you in the name of God, remember that they cannot speak for God. For the last hundred years mankind has been in transition. The day will come when being LGBT won't be such a scourge. Look at how long it took the Church to even admit that the Earth was round! Times change. As man evolves and learns more about human nature behaviors change. Hard line religious adherents have difficulty in reconciling science/nature and the Divine. In that struggle they fear that all which they have been taught will turn out to be false. There's the problem. God and science can be reconciled. Being gay is as natural as being straight. Being white is as natural as being black. Being yourself and living your truth without shame is nature. And nature, my friends, is God.
16 - Jet Gardner
Oh John, that is soooooo gay
17 - Jet Gardner
Since I've experience at making love to both sexes, (though not bisexual) I can say that the difference is hormonal.
If an equally goodlooking guy and girl walk in front of you-who will your eyes go to first before thinking about it?
If I'm sitting next to a woman with the physical attributes of a goddess and an only fairly decent looking guy, my hormones are going to boil the closer the guy gets.
EVERYONE John-even you lives on a sexual scale.
I met a girl once in a gay bar that was so heterosexual that the only way she could have a good time was if she partied in places where she wasn't likely to encounter her own sex. these examples are rare.
The truth of the matter is that almost everywhere but in America people accept that everyone to some degree is attracted to their own sex, otherwise you'd never have friends of your own sex. That's why most American men suffer terribly if a best friend dies somehow, because he never told him how much he meant to him for fear of coming off "gay"
With hetero being a 0 and Gay being a 10 most straights sit at around 3 and most gays sit at about 7 or 8.
IT'S NOT WHO YOU HAVE SEX WITH, it's who you fall in love with.
If I had to theorize, I'd say that John had a normal and very typical schoolboy crush on an older guy that he wished he could be like, and later in life he can't reconcile it in his own head out of taught prejudice.
18 - Silas Kain
We're sexual beings, period. A dude can be straight all his life and one day he meets another dude and there becomes an attraction which is acted upon. Sure, there'll be the confusion, self doubt and all the other drama that goes with it. But the drama comes out of societal/religious issues not the basic, carnal, natural urges.
Problem is that we've had to put labels on everything and refuse to accept that there are hiccups in the road of life. Everyone has thought about it at one time or another. It's just that not everyone has the guts to admit it.
19 - John
So much denial and mental gymnastics on this post. The truth as I see it is that Manhood is an achievement. There is Great Manhood, Mediocre Manhood, and Failed Manhood. Gay is Failed Manhood. Exhibit A: The Gay Sissy. You may have other qualities that are great, but Manhood is reserved for straights - and of course not all straights. There is life after failure, and not everyone can be great, so where you fall on the scale of Manhood is your pride or burden. But gays try to make it everyones burden with all the activism on a broad scale, and scaming behavior on a personal level. Passing the burden is what I hate about gays.
20 - John
Jet called me Gay. Sorry Jet, your fantasy is untrue. That guy was a horrible person. He used motocross to attract teen boys into his circles, and wrestling matches to make contact. Does that make you horny? Is that how you got started? Thanks to my disgust for homosexuality, I rejected his scam untouched, and kept my manhood, but some of my friends did not. You make yourself feel better by saying everyone is somehow gay, but it is a lie. Some men are just men who easily reject everything gay, and easily love women.
21 - Jet Gardner
Me thinks you doth protest too much. And trust me I don't fantasize about you. Attraction only goes so far when you dealing with a...
Point of order, I'm as much of a man as any, if I hadn't told someone I was gay, they'd never know, so your sissy bullshit doesn't faze me.
22 - Silas Kain
You know how protesters get, Jet. Sooner or later they all veer to the far left and become heathens. At least that's what the uber-conservatives say. And examples of a man's man? John Wayne. Errol Flynn. Montgomery Clift. Abraham Lincoln. Aristotle. Plato. Socrates. Alexander the Great. King James (of the King James Bible).
23 - Glenn Contrarian
Jet -
Don't stress too much, because in my experience, the more someone feels the need to bolster their own manhood, the more insecure they really are. It might well be that John's screen name is more of a 'what' than a 'who'.
That, and you know better than I do how many rabidly anti-gay conservatives are really gay - after all, the last gay scandal the Democrats had was about Barney Frank back in the 90's. Ever since then, it's been a solid string of Republicans.
What helped me understand how stupid and hypocritical this gay hatred is, was watching "Don't Ask/Don't Tell" at work. We lost a lot of trustworthy hard-working sailors that way.
But the times are changing, and you can see it too. I'll go out on a limb here - thirty years from now we'll have an openly gay presidency...although statistics show we've probably had at least two gay presidents already. My votes go towards Teddy (he's a bit obvious (and a great president)) and Nixon (he reminds me a bit of certain Rabid Righties).
24 - Jet Gardner
STRESSED???? Who the hell said I was stressed-I'm not stessed-DAMN IT!
...yawn
25 - Jet Gardner
Historical fact: Lincoln felt the occasional need to sleep with his secret service man.