I'm a few days late on this, but the debate is raging on, so... here you go. I'm shocked by this news article, as I'm sure you will be as well after you read it. (For more articles by the Martian Anthropologist, go here.
August 19, 2005 WASHINGTON - The Senate majority leader, Bill Frist, aligned himself with President Bush today when he said that Santa Claus Theory should be taught along with Parent Theory in public schools.
Teaching Santa Claus Theory as well as Parent Theory "doesn't force any particular theory on anyone," Senator Frist, Republican of Tennessee, said in Nashville, according to The Associated Press. "I think in a pluralistic society that is the fairest way to go about education and training people for the future."
A Washington spokesman for the senator, Nick Smith, said afterward that The A.P. had reported Mr. Frist's comments accurately.
Parent Theory states that the gifts that children receive on Christmas morning each year are in fact gifts from the child's parents. The scientific community points out that this theory is backed up with evidence, such as receipts from toy stores, testimony from store clerks, etc.
Santa Claus Theory, however, maintains that a mythical grandfather-type figure who goes by the name "Santa Claus" comes down the chimney each Christmas Eve night while children are sleeping, and delivers toys to "good" girls and boys. The theory goes on to state that this person lives in a magic toy-making factory at the north pole, populated by elves.
Critics say that Santa Claus theorists are trying to supplant science with religious beliefs.
Recently, President Bush disagreed, sparking a debate that has been raging now for several weeks. The debate has now escalated with Senator Frist publicly standing behind the President's views.
"Look, the fact is, there is evidence backing Santa Claus Theory," the President stated on August 2nd. "On Christmas morning, there are toys under the tree. Where did they come from? There is obviously a higher power of some sort at work there. It is much too complicated of a process. These Parent Theorists would actually have us believe that parents are not only shopping for Christmas gifts, but also taking the time to wrap them, and then sneak them under the tree after the kids go to bed on Christmas Eve. Ridiculous."
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Article comments
1 - Kurt
I love it! Nice work. Since when are Frist & Bush considered educators? That's one of the problems in our country - pedagogical & curricular decisions made by old white guys who can't even spell. Yeesh.
2 - Rudicus
I especially like the fact that Frist is a doctor - also the same doctor that said terri schaivo had meanigful interaction and eye contact with people.
sweet.
3 - OneMonkey'sUncle
...meaningful interaction and eye contact that he "diagnosed" FROM WATCHING A VIDEOTAPE...
Frist has got be just about my favorite amongst the many, many of God's Own Circus Clowns crowding the attention of our national media these days.
4 - ss
Nice post.
Does Santa get high?
I don't want to believe the moral compass of American children smokes gigantic spleefs, but you do have a picture.
5 - Temple Stark
A simple idea but done well.
:-)
6 - Baronius
Oh, a Blogcritics posting board about ID.
7 - WTF
Yes Baronius, how original. More religious bafoonary under the "politics" cavaet. Nice. I need a weed wacker to get through this website.
8 - Bennett
Awwwww fok! This is a great post. Well thought out and executed. Exceptionally good satire.
Kudos and applause!
For anyone wondering how to write satire, this piece is an excellent example.
Thanks for this. And although I am just an egg, I grok its beauty.
The ending cartoon is just perfect.