Hey - I don't make this stuff up, I just bring you the news the matters.
And this apparently matters, judging by the roaring success of this business.
The Flatulence Deodorizer™ - U.S. Patent No. 6,313,371 - is "guaranteed to eliminate embarrassment from odors associated with flatulence - forever - or your money back."
Says the site: "Try it, you'll like it - and so will the others around you."
Sounds good to moi.
And, it's "Doctor Recommended" - so you just know it's gotta work.
Order yours today, and "say good-bye to intestinal gas odor once and for all."
"Now is the time for groin odor control."
Truer words were never spoke.
Only $12.95 here.
If you're the upscale type, the Premium version will set you back an additional $7.
But not to worry: both styles are reusable.
Better buy your own, though; I doubt people will be willing to loan you theirs.