A first draft of Harriet Miers' withdrawal letter to President Bush has surfaced:
Dear God Mr. President:
I write to withdraw as a nominee to serve as an Associate Justice on the Supreme Court of the United States. I almost crapped my pants when you picked me have been greatly honored and humbled by the confidence that you have shown in me and have appreciated immensely your support and the support of well, no one else, really many others. However, we both know there is no way in hell I'm going to make it through I am concerned that the confirmation process presents a burden for the White House and our staff that is not in the best interest of my mental state the country.
As you know, members of the Senate were actually planning on asking me questions about my qualifications have indicated their intention to seek documents about my service in the White House in order to judge whether to support me. I have been informed repeatedly that in lieu of records, I would be expected to actually answer their questions, which John Roberts totally didn't have to do testify about my service in the White House to demonstrate my experience and judicial philosophy. While I believe that my lengthy career as your Number One Fan provides sufficient evidence for consideration of my nomination, I am convinced they're going to want to quiz me, and I get very confused when they ask these questions about some old justice Warren, like that has anything to do with getting rid of abortion the efforts to obtain Executive Branch materials and information will continue.
As I stated in my acceptance remarks in the Oval Office, well, to be honest, I have no idea what I said, I was so nervous, but my boyfriend said I did fine the strength and independence of our three branches of government are critical to the continued success of this great Nation. Repeatedly in the course of the process of confirmation for nominees for other positions, I have been asked what those three branches of government are and that's hardly fair, I could remember two and I think that should be acceptable steadfastly maintained that the independence of the executive Branch be preserved and its confidential documents and information not be released to further a confirmation process. I feel compelled to figure out what that means adhere to this position, especially related to my own nomination. Protection of the perogatives prerogatives of the Executive Branch and continued pursuit of my confirmation are in tension. I have decided that this might convince a few of the stupider Americans as to why I am withdrawing seeking my confirmation should yield.
Article comments
1 - Scott Butki
Pretty funny. I'm going to link to this from my blog.
2 - Matthew T. Sussman
Know why this worked?
da bombrather effective3 - Phillip Winn
Indeed, I laughed out loud, and I'm ambivalent about Miers.
Suss is right: it was the non-partisan light-handedness that made this piece work so well.
Bravo!
4 - The Fifth Dentist
This is very funny. My favorite line: "...my long career as your number one fan..." I had been thinking of writing a parody of "Misery" where Miers played the Kathy Bates character and Bush played the James Caan part.
5 - Alethinos
Excellent post!
6 - Natalie Davis
Most funny.
7 - Viqi French
cute! maybe i should call on you and harriet to write some press releases for my lying azz corporate clients!
8 - Michael J. West
This may be the funniest thing I've ever read on Blogcritics.
9 - Michael J. West
Ooh! Can I send this to Snopes and pretend like I think it's a real letter,and see if they'll print it as "False"?
10 - Phillip Winn
Now that would be choice!
11 - Al Barger
Good work, Progressive Depot.
12 - Temple A. Stark
PD,
This post was chosen by the section editor as a BC pick of the week. Go HERE (link) to find out why.
And thank you
- Temple
13 - ProgressiveDepot
Thanks for the love. Was going to do a sequel on Scooter's resignation letter, but thus far have not seen it come out in public.
14 - ProgressiveDepot
Oops, screwed up my URL. Way to mess up being an Editors' pick, eh?