The time has come that a reasonable and sensible person step into the political arena. Unfortunately I am not that person, but I believe firmly in the political process and that even the lowliest members of society can rise to great achievements.
As our forefathers paved the way for the uneducated, impoverished and politically naive to take their place among the great orators and pontificators of their time, I too will step up to the challenge to make this country a better place for all.
My party will be the ANGRY MOMS PARTY - or AMP and before I brow beat you into standing behind me and lending me your support, I will outline my platform.
1.) INCOMPETENT DRIVERS WILL BE GIVEN NO QUARTER - Long past due is the time for shitty drivers to be pulled over, dragged out of their cars, harshly scolded, embarrassed in front of their children and heavily fined for rude and inconsiderate driving. I am tired of it, you are tired of it and I will impose a mandate retroactively to prosecute, persecute and otherwise "secute" (perhaps even execute) these selfish douches for their attempts at ruining my otherwise peaceful day with their cellphone eared, french manicured fingertipped steering, hairflipping, Lexus driving asses. Start thumbing it bitches.
2.) ALL CATCALLING WILL BE PUNISHABLE BY SEVERE ASSKICKING - Man, I have to tell you that a person of only desperate measures and complete lack of sophistication would catcall an obvious out of shape pregnant woman as she weeds her garden beds. Only the depraved would think to whistle, ogle, or even draw attention to her bent frame, in shorts that are ill-fitting, hair that is too mussed and disheveled and donning an outfit that lacks all fashion sense. These are people who are just a few steps away from felonious behavior, and only a tough acting politician like myself will bring fitting justice to their crimes.
3.) NO MORE FLIPPING SPAM - Death penalty for spammers. Publicly programmed, forced viewing by all over the age of 18 as spammers are put to death in the most barbaric of measures. Clubbing, stoning, firing squad, forced consumption of tuna noodle casserole - you name it, we will subject them to it.
This is the WORST kind of crime. Not only should I never, ever see pictures of transgendered "people", I don't want Viagra, my dick to be bigger, farm animals doing college girls, people eating feces, bigger titties, flatter abs, smaller buns (wait, scratch those last three). You get my point. This is FOUL, FOUL, FOUL matter or the gravest order and no real person of any social order above gutter-dwelling graverobbers should be subjected to it.