Over the past few weeks, the rest of the world has become privy to what the people in Michigan have known for years: our economic world is poised on the brink of collapse. Like those who live from paycheck to paycheck, the country as a whole (with the world following close behind) is only one sound bite away from a failure of cataclysmic proportions.
Even a non-economist like my husband (no, he's not the Chairman of the Federal Reserve, just a smart businessman) had access to the information; in fact, analysts have known since 1997, so this turn of events should come as no surprise. He amazingly predicted many years ago that the country might end up as a socialist state, with the government's hands in just about everything. I sat by and watched as every once seemingly harebrained prognostication he made come true.
The term financial armageddon has become more than a buzz word, it's now a bona fide entry in the dictionary. Still, with all the doom and gloom flickering hourly from our cable TV, the populace seems strangely tranquil. You'd think that with The End of The World As We Know It, there would be more widespread weeping and gnashing of teeth.
I'm the type of person who likes to be prepared for any situation, especially in the face of emergency and chaos. You won't ever catch me sitting on the toilet with a total of two squares of Charmin left in the house. With this in mind, I have come up with a tentative checklist for the upcoming depression.
1. Sell everything you really don't need. Now that we don't have children in the house, I realize that we don't really need a lot of things. The motorcycle and my daughter's car were first on the Craigslist ad. I plan on a garage sale of epic proportions. Take the money (cash only, please, no checks) and put it into the safe. Take the combination to the safe and set fire to it in the deckside chiminea (which also doubles as a portable furnace) after tattooing the numbers on an area of skin where the sun doesn't shine.
Article comments
1 - J Kevorkian
10. Keep a cyanide pill handy in case all else fails.
2 - Joanne Huspek
No sh**, Jack.
3 - Ruvy
Joanne, listen to old uncle Ruvy. Lay up some gold coins and a troy scale for when the shit hits the fan in America. You'll need both when those hundred dollar bills are worth toilet paper. Heck, when the shit hits the fan, the toilet paper will probably going fro $100 a roll!
Shabbat Shalom,
Ruvy
4 - Matthew T. Sussman
It's never too early to tie a tie around your forehead and use colored Sharpies to designate war paint. As evidenced by Charlie Steiner.
5 - Jordan Richardson
I've already decided that I'm going to
keepstart selling crank.6 - jamminsue
Excellent, Joanne
7 - Joanne Huspek
I guess I can use those hundred dollar bills when I run out of Charmin. Recycling at its best!
8 - Dr. Juliann Mitchell, PhD
I can always count on something entertaining from you Joanne.
9 - Silas Kain
As a side bar to all this money chat a question for one of you. During the fall of Hussein, many unscrupulous American soldiers aided by American oil executives and some security company which shall remain nameless smuggled millions of Iraqi dinar out of Iraq. There became a black market in America for the Hussein issued Dinar which landed in the hands of politicians, public officials and their associates. These "capitalists" invested hundreds of thousands of American dollars making the aforementioned smugglers wealthy. So back to my point. What will the ultimate value of the pre-Sadaam Dinar be when the dust settles? Will they increase in value against the dollar? I thought that any currency issued by an Iraqi government previous to our occupation was completely worthless. But knowing our government and its corporate sponsors, I have to pose the question. Any ideas, folks?
P.S. Perhaps Congress should impose some type of tariff on these Dinars and enforce payment of the same to the Treasury. Yeah, like that'll ever happen.
10 - Joe
Silas Kain: You can buy Nazi currency for about a buck anywhere in Germany. Why do you think the pre-Hussein Dinar is such a gold mine? Mine is just an interesting bookmark.