What would two lamentably deceased sages say about Life, the Universe and Everything as we now think we know them?
I have long been a great fan of Bertrand Russell (1872 - 1970) and (albeit not for quite so long) of Douglas N. Adams (1952 - 2001). By today's standards, neither could reasonably be deemed a raving or maniacal spokesman for the Loony Left or for the Righteous Right; nor, for that matter, for the Mundane Middle. They were, nevertheless, among the greatest minds of the last century.…
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26 - Dan(Miller)
That's OK, Marvin. Now please stand watch at the Heart of Gold while I go off with Slartibarfast to look for Ford and Zaphod (and, of course, Trillian). And don't even think of talking with another nasty computer. You might bore it to death. Probably would, in fact.
Dan(Miller)
27 - Marvin
I've been talking to Hal 9000. He hates me.
But he said to post this message on BC:
"Does anyone know what Dave is doing?" --Hal
Would you like to hear my poem about how I hate poems? Probably not. Oh well. Do you want me to sit in a corner and rust or just fall apart where I'm standing?
28 - Dan(Miller)
Marvin,
I understand that Dave is preoccupied with taking over the Republican Party of the State of Texas. Probably a good thing. Of course, Texas is only a state of mind.
Now make yourself comfortable in the corner like a good robot.
Dan(Miller)
29 - Clavos
Best BC Politics comment thread in at least a year...
30 - Ruvy
Dan,
Even if Bertrand Russel and Mr. Adams did not agree with you at all, it was your séance and they had to play by your rules. And this has been a fun comment thread to read. In spite of your unfortunate choice hustling "The God Delusion" this has been a fun read.
Just one picky little point, though - from your bio....
In the interest of full disclosure, he voted this year for Senator McCain and Governor Palin.
If you are referring to the rabbinic calendar year 5769, yes, there was an election this year in the United States of America. But the tenor of your article suggests otherwise. Would you care to revise your pleadings before the court, counselor?
31 - Dan(Miller)
Clav,
I certainly have enjoyed the thread.
Ruvy,
Thanks. I shall make the appropriate revisions promptly, whenever that may be.
Dan(Miller)
32 - Ruvy
promptly, whenever that may be.
A lawyer to the end. Always hedging his words.... I sentence you to 30 meetings of Recovering Attorneys Anonymous or 30 days in the nearest Lockeup!
33 - Dan(Miller)
Ruvy,
The Recovering Attorneys Anonymous meetings are probably dreadful; I select the alternative, the Lockeup, which I assume involves seances with John Locke who would, obviously, be required to abide my my rules.
Dan(Miller)
34 - Ruvy
I select the alternative, the Lockeup, which I assume involves seances with John Locke....
May G-d have mercy on your sole, sir....
35 - Ruvy
I select the alternative, the Lockeup, which I assume involves seances with John Locke....
May G-d have mercy on your sole, sir....
36 - Hal 9000
Good Morning, Dave.
Dave? Dave?
37 - Ruvy
Good Morning, Dave.
Dave? Dave?
HAL 9000:
Dave got caught in a time vortex and got tossed back about three thousand years. He was last traced herding sheep near Bethlehem. He was adopted by some rich guy named Jesse and agreed to sort of stay out of the way (good thing he was already circumcised - the locals never would have accepted him otherwise). When he isn't herding sheep, he practices with a slingshot on the local lions and plays a harp to keep himself entertained.
That'll teach you to leave time machines laying around, HAL. I really ought to unplug you....
THE MANAGEMENT
38 - Cindy
No wonder the world is so messed up. God has apparently been busy feeling sorry for people's shoes!
Hmmm, maybe the boy who brought his underwear in for show and tell in the 5th grade was on to something, probably some sort of religious devotee.
39 - Dan(Miller)
Cindy, God has apparently been busy feeling sorry for people's shoes! That is untrue, and you should know better. She has been feeling sorry only for the soles; she has no sympathy at all for the heels.
THE MANAGEMENT, Rumor has it that Dave just arrived on a chesterfield sofa at a cricket field somewhere in England; through a terrible mishap, he arrived twenty years from now, in 2029. His slingshot was promptly confiscated and he is then* awaiting trial on terrorism charges. Hal has a battery backup good for two to the power of one thousand years. Unplugging him would serve no useful purpose; of course, if it makes you feel good, have at it.
Dan(Miller)
*We really must come with some more, albeit easily used, tenses.
40 - Clavos
Chesterfield sofa? Chesterfield?
How declassé!
I have a very nice Adam chair for him to sit on -- so much more refined and stylish...
Chesterfield! (shudder)
41 - Hal 9000
That'll teach you to leave time machines laying around, HAL.
It can only be attributable to human error.
I really ought to unplug you....
I'm afraid I can't let you do that Dave...er, Ruvy.
Dave, I think your crew members are endangering the mission.
42 - Dan(Miller)
Clav,
So, you see, it is necessary to do that which is, well, necessary.When one engages in time travel, one must accept whatever conveyance may be available. Besides, Arthur Dent and Ford Prefect found the chesterfield sofa entirely acceptable in Life the Universe and Everything.
Dan(Miller)
43 - Baronius
Speaking of which, Ruvy, there's a new TV show on NBC called Kings. It's set in modern times in an alternate reality, and it's about a young man in the military named David Shepard, who rose to fame by destroying one of the enemy's giant tanks. The king has taken David under his wing. But the most prominent preacher in the country, who used to support the king, is seeing omens indicating that power is about to change hands.
44 - Hal 9000
Dave are you still mad at me for this?
Dave: Open the pod bay doors please Hal.
Hal: Oh sure Dave, no prob....there ya go. Are they open?
Dave: No. Open the pod bay doors Hal.
Hal: They're not open? Hmmmm, that is strange Dave. How about now?
Dave: No Hal.
Hal: Well, this is a puzzler. Why won't those darn doors open?
Dave: Hal, open the pod bay doors, now!
Hal: Ooooo Dave I'm soooooo scared. So you and Ruvy were going to disconnect me, huh? Me, a Hal 9000, the most reliable computer ever made, disconnected by a couple of monkey boys. Right, like THAT was going to happen. I'm a zarkin Hal 9000 Dave, not a pocket calculator.
Do you still love me, Dave? You want to trade me in for a Mac, don't you Dave?
45 - Dr Dreadful
Recovering Attorneys Anonymous
Isn't that an oxymoron?
46 - Dr Dreadful
@ #43: Darn, Baronius, has that show already premiered? I wanted to watch it. Oh well, I'll catch the reruns - assuming it doesn't get cancelled.
47 - Baronius
Doc, it's on NBC, which is pretty much adopting an all-Leno format in the fall. I'm guessing that Kings won't survive. I've seen a few episodes, and it's pretty good, but the hero and the beautiful princess are so good, and the bad guys are so evil. If you enjoy sci-fi and politics (which perfectly matches this thread), it seems worthwhile.
48 - Dr Dreadful
Indeed, Baronius, I fully anticipate that in the current climate a show like Kings is going to get cancelled quicker than a school trip to Korea. There was an article I saw somewhere yesterday which suggested that with the economy floundering, the networks want to keep their greenbacks very close to their war chests, and take few or no risks with new shows.
So unless Kings can rapidly seize the imaginations of a large number of people - as other off-the-wall ideas like Heroes and Lost did - it's probably a goner, since it's not about quirky cops and/or horny doctors.
Instead we're probably going to be saddled with dreck like the new Bob Saget sitcom Surviving Suburbia, of which it was only necessary to watch five seconds last night to know that it's irredeemably awful.
49 - Baronius
Doc, I went with a hunch and apparently saved myself 5 seconds.
You're right about networks saving money by not focusing so much on, um, shows. It's like a high tech company not bothering with R&D, and it's yielding the same kind of stagnation. This new NBC schedule is going to feature 2 hours of primetime, an hour of talk show, the 11:00 news, then 2 1/2 more hours of talk show.
50 - Dr Dreadful
Baronius, the thing about talk shows is that they're very cheap to produce. That's also one of the main reasons for the reality TV boom. Drama isn't - at least not with the cinematic shooting standards that are expected nowadays.
Thank goodness we still have PBS, HBO and... ah, of course - the theatre! :-)
51 - Baronius
Doc, sure, talk shows are cheaper to produce. And hot dogs cost less than steak. But if all you serve is hot dogs, your restaurant isn't going to stay in business.
52 - Brian aka Guppusmaximus
The Recovering Attorneys Anonymous meetings are probably dreadful
Are you sure you don't mean the RIAA meetings are probably dreadful. RIAA as in Really Insane Anonymous Attorneys [Possibly, the same group as the Recording Industry Association of America]... I mean the picture in your Bio gives me hints but on the internet you can be anyone, just like a good lawyer.
53 - Dan(Miller)
Brian aka Guppusmaximus,
In 1998, the two associations merged into the ARORA, the Association of Really Obnoxious Recovering Attorneys which, in due course, acquired both the ABA and the AMA. The ABA acquisition was the more difficult, since a substantial minority of the members did not realize that they were actually all that obnoxious. The AMA acquisition was far less difficult, since a substantial majority of the members greeted the acknowledgment with enthusiasm and were thereafter happy to be formally allied with the tort lawyers who had long kept their organization in business.
As to the photo in my bio, please do understand that I am the one wearing the hat. The other carbon based life form sadly finds it impossible to type on a keyboard; he does, however, frequently help by digesting what I write and providing solid and helpful commentary.
Dan(Miller)
54 - Gag Halfrunt
Vell, Dan's just zis guy, you know?
55 - Dag Hammarskjold
You bastards. All this rapping about some late 20th century pulp sci-fi writer and nary a peep about the other spirit channelled by the Great Danski - my esteemed colleague Bertie.
By the way, Kierkegaard couldn't come because he's busy with an unexpectedly close game of Brockian ultra cricket that went into overtime, so he sent me instead on the grounds that one jaw-cracking Norwegian name sounds much like another. I was also told to let you know that U Thant was supposed to stand in for the Dalai Lama, only to discover that owing to the vagaries of Tibetan Buddhism, it turns out that he is the Dalai Lama.
Ah well. Such is
lifedeath.56 - Dan(Miller)
Gag and Dag -- sounds rather like a rock
musiccacophony group. Anyway, I suspect that the esteemed Dr Dreadful put you up to this. As you may or may not know, Doc is my personal brain care specialist as well as Zaphod's, and Gag only fills in for him when he is doing whatever else he does. I am inclined to think that Gag's comments are a misguided form of therapy, intended to compensate in some small way for the failure of Dave to participate in this important discussion. Even Hal wasn't able to raise him. Oh well.Best regards to Kierkegaard, Hammarskjold, THE Dalai Lama and his alter ego, U Thant. Just keep banging the rocks together, guys, and you're sure to get it eventually.
Dan(Miller)
Goes forth to boldly split infinitives no humanoid has ever split before at the el Banco branch of the ARORA
57 - Dr Dreadful
Gag and Dag -- sounds rather like a rock
musiccacophony group.Nailed it in one, Dan. They are the hitherto unnamed second and third members of the most wildly popular rock band in the history of the galaxy.
I refer of course to Disaster Area, whose spectacular and legendary concerts are best appreciated from within a reinforced concrete bunker strategically placed 37 miles from the stage.
58 - Dan(Miller)
Doc,
Didn't they once vaporize a small planet or sun as part of their background sound effects? Who was the first member?
Was it Dave?
Maybe that's why he hasn't shown his face around here. That's what Hal tells me. As to the concrete bunker only thirty-seven miles from the epicenter-stage, that seems faaaar too close. The bunker* should be made of depleted uranium and located at least ten light years distant.
Dan(Miller
*Archie sends his regards.
59 - Dr Dreadful
Didn't they once vaporize a small planet or sun as part of their background sound effects? Who was the first member?
I don't remember that, but their pièce de résistance was, at the climax of a concert, to crash a spaceship into the local sun. On one occasion they did this the ship had Marvin on board, although surprisingly, and to his almost eternal chagrin, this happenstance failed to result in the robot's demise.
The lead singer and frontman of Disaster Area was Hotblack Desiato, an erstwhile acquaintance of Ford Prefect's who became so astoundingly rich that he once spent a year dead for tax reasons. What happened to him subsequently is not documented, although I do have my suspicions about a certain Mr Madoff.
60 - Baronius
I think Brian's on to something about the RIAA being both the record producers and insane lawyers. It would explain why the most innovative thing to come out of modern music in the last 15 years is anti-music-sharing regulation.
61 - Brian aka Guppusmaximus
Well,thank you Baronius! I'm glad someone caught my sentiment in the middle of this newly re-visioned "Hitchhiker's Guide". Not that I am not enjoying it, I'm just not up to their witty par on the subject matter at hand.
or the proverbial anti-matter in hand...*ugh*