Just grab your sack and you’ll hear a tale
A tale of a total crock
That started with some yellow cake
And ended with Iraq…
"A sinister cabal of superior writers."
Bushigan's Island - Comments Page 2
Just grab your sack and you’ll hear a tale
A tale of a total crock
That started with some yellow cake
And ended with Iraq…
Article comments
26 - Bill B
Great job 5th! Right on with the melody/beat. As opposed to Dr. Pat and AG. I couldn't get through their's and keep it together.
I suppose the fact that I'm partial to your pov just might be a factor.
27 - The Fifth Dentist
Thanks.
28 - The Fifth Dentist
Note that lumpy left Dave Nalle's web site as his URL. You clearly have excellent taste lumpy.
29 - Nancy
5th - Excellent & innovative. Much enjoyed. AG: try to model yourself more on Rogers & Hammerstein if you want to be witty; eminem isn't much of a librettist. It ain't necessarily so.
30 - Dave Nalle
I thought 5ths lyrics were painful and awkward, but then AG joined in. I'm not sure which is worse, gratuitous lack of punctuation, or pointless use of swear word insults instead of imagination.
DrPat's might be good, but I have no idea what Hammerstein tune goes with the lyrics, so I can't sing it.
Makes me almost want to write one of my own. Perhaps something to the tune of "Gee, Officer Krupke" from West Side Story. It would start something like this.
Dear preachy left wing bloggers,
Can't you give it a rest.
You propaganda floggers
Are tedious at best.
Our patience is all used up.
Our boredom is unbound
Every top-ic runs into the ground.
Gee, left-blogging wingnuts, we're kinda amused;
You're bitter and angry and oh so confused.
You have no agenda,
But partisan cries.
Deep under all of it is lies!
There are lies!
There are lies, there are lies,
There are lots of lies!
Deep inside each talking point are lies.
I'll get back with the other three verses later, because I just thought of another one...I think you'll guess the tune on this without hints...
I feel petty,
Oh so petty,
I feel petty with malicious glee!
And I spit on
Your impure ideology.
I feel righteous,
So self-righteous
It's amazing how righteous I feel!
And so petty
That I'm full of irrational zeal.
See the petty lib on the blogosphere:
Who can that self-righteous twit be?
Such a petty farce,
Such a petty lie,
Such a petty smear,
Such a petty me!
I'm a classist
And elitist,
I will tell you how you ought to think
For I'm blogging
In my pajamas made of mink!
Dave
31 - Matthew T. Sussman
Clowns to the left of me
Jokers to the right
Here I am
Stuck in the moderate view
32 - The Fifth Dentist
Holy shit that sucks.
To all the kids out there who just read that, my sincere apologies. It is probable that you will now grow up with no sense of humor or at least a very bad one. Dave you really should be more responsible with proliferating anticomedic material of such transcendent power.
33 - The Fifth Dentist
My previous post referred of course to Nalle's assault on Leonard Bernstein (not Sussman's comment that snuck in the middle.)
34 - Dave Nalle
5th, I didn't laugh at yours either, but I've still got mine running through my head and my butthole clenches with laughter every time I go over it - especially "I Feel Petty". I find that the little nuggets of profound truth are what makes humor works for me. For others it's the rude language, so I guess they're your audience. Not a viable substitute for imagination and wit as far as I'm concerned.
Dave
35 - The Fifth Dentist
Dave, you remind me very much of Lt. Hauk so brilliant portrayed by Bruno Kirby in the film Good Morning Vietnam: "In my heart I know I'm funny."
36 - Dave Nalle
The great thing about good humor is that those who are the targets never really 'get' the humor or see why they're such perfect butts for jokes. Maybe you should go back and read 'I Feel Petty' again a few times. If you still don't get it, then I'll chalk that up as proof.
Dave
37 - The Fifth Dentist
You're right Dave, your material was over my head. I was too ashamed and embarrassed to admit it. After I had one of the older boys explain some of the big words to me I realized it was truly hilarious.
38 - Dave Nalle
I thought so, after all your idea of humor is calling the VP a 'big fat shit'. Boy, that just brings down the house.
Dave
39 - The Fifth Dentist
Well I would have called him an evil, bloated torture proponent but I needed something that rhymed with twit.
40 - MCH
Re comment #36;
Right on Fifth. And didn't he also say to Adrian Cronauer, "What you do is not humor"(?)...which also reminds me of Dave Nalle.
41 - The Fifth Dentist
Yes MCH I believe he did. The best definition I could give Dave for what constitutes humor is the marionette sex scene in Team America World Police. In particular, I believe that the moment when the female marionette shits a perfect cylinder of brown playdough onto the face of her sex partner, is the greatest expression of humanity since Jesus walked the earth.
42 - Dave Nalle
I think I had fallen asleep by that point in the movie. I find South Park quite humorous, but dragging it out to the length of Team America weakens it too much.
Oh, and there are a LOT of words other than 'shit' that rhyme with 'twit'. Nitwit, lackwit, git, halfwit, Plus, you don' t have to go with the twit/shit rhyme at all. The rhyme in the original song is to 'tour' so once you've left that behind you can go wild and be more creative.
In fact, I'll help you out. Here's a rewrite of that entire verse for you:
The Pres was a mighty drinking man
His Veep was a vicious tool
The duped and sheeplike masses
Had voted for this fool … had voted for this fool...
There ya go, no charge.
Dave
43 - The Fifth Dentist
You have to understand that I had to consider numerous alternatives and choose the one that seemed funniest at the time. For example, early on I rejected the following:
The Pres was a mighty drinking man
The Veep was a corpulant NAZI
If your roll all sixes in my favorite game
Then you get to yell out YAHTZEE!
44 - The Fifth Dentist
I suppose you don't like that one either.
45 - Matthew T. Sussman
Ah, yet another classic and tasteful "my song parody cock is bigger than yours" contest.
46 - RogerMDillon
"I've still got mine running through my head and my butthole clenches with laughter every time I go over it"
well there's certainly no surprise from your number of comments that you are in love with your own opinion, but you should really see a doctor because you are laughing out the wrong end.
47 - Dave Nalle
When the laugh has real power it comes out both ends, Roger - actually all orifices. If you haven't experience that I pity you.
And yes, 5th, the yahtzee version is WAY funnier than the original.
Dave
48 - RogerMDillon
"When the laugh has real power it comes out both ends,"
Did they tell you that in college or prison?
49 - Dave Nalle
Just personal experience, Roger. If you haven't experienced the 'full orifice humor blast' you haven't lived.
Dave
50 - The Fifth Dentist
I think it's possible you're confusing laughing with another bodily function.
51 - Dave Nalle
I'm getting old. I'm just happy to have bodily functions.
Dave
52 - Nancy
Dave, I don't agree w/the sentiments, but on the whole, not bad. Matt S. - "Clowns to the left of me, etc." almost choked to death laughing. Dead on!
Your (all of you) main problems are that you are allowing extra syllables in here & there - scan is slipping slightly & occasionally a bit labored; but on the whole (w/the exception of AG's, which I don't know so can't judge for scan purposes, but find repulsive for the hate lyrics) pretty good job, all. I'll have to see what I can come up with.
This is a good post, & fun responses. Keep it up, guys.
53 - Nancy
Here's my contribution. Apologies in advance to R&H, or whomever.
[to tune of "Oklahoma"]
Poooooool-itians!
Their hot air keeps rushing o'er the plains.
They all pose & talk,
The chicken hawks
And the spineless liberals all the saaaaame....
O, pooooooool-iticians
every night on CNN I try
to decipher what
they're up to but
everything they spout is full of lies!
I know they are screwing us all,
left & right, both parties appall,
and so I saaaaaay (yeah!)
let's vote 'em out todaaaaay (yes!)
We'll not be safe til
we've jailed all the politicians
and we've got back
our say
today
in the
U-S-A
-polticians!
Suck city, I'm sure, but it's early yet. I need coffee....
54 - Silas Kain
OK, I gotta get on the bandwagon. Sorry, Mr. Buffett, but America needs Margaritaville...
Cheney’s the powerNibblin’ on pork rinds
The taxpayers don’t mind
Long as they get cash it’s okay
Pullin’ our purse strings
They’re leavin’ us nothing
And you ask, they got nothin’ to say
Man of the hour
Halliburton’s makin’ the news
Takin’ our money
They think it’s funny
Cause they’re sayin’ we don’t have a clueWe’re goin’ to K Street
Lobbyists we’ll greet
Cut them off and send ‘em to jail
Then demand answers
No songs and no dancers
Make ‘em show the whole money trail
55 - RogerMDillon
Dime, dime, dime, dime
56 - The Fifth Dentist
I like the margaritaville one. The Oklahoma parody is not bad. Anybody else have one?
57 - Nancy
This is great! most fun blog I've read for ages! C'mon, Silas, come up with more; you, too, 5th & Nalle!
58 - Nancy
[If I were a rich man...]
If I were in Congress
deedle-deedle-didle-deedle-deedle-didle-deedle-doo
All day long I'd talk & pose & preen,
If I were a congress-man! Oh!
Life would be so easy
deedle-deedle-didle-deedle-deedle-didle-deedle-doo
I'd get lots of freebies from my "friends"
If I were a congress - man!
I'd...have...a...big black car to drive to the Hill
And one even bigger to go home;
Both of them with chauffeur & bar of course.
I'd have a staff to handle all of my whims,
& one to just take care of the press,
When I've bragged & lied my own voice hoarse!
The lobbyists from K would race for the privilege
Of paying all my bills;
I'd take dough from both sides of every fight.
And then where ever I go I'd act like I'm special,
Arrogant & rude to all at will;
After all, in Congress it's my right!
If I were in Congress
deedle-deedle-didle-deedle-deedle-didle-deedle-doo
All day long I'd call opponents names ...
Never tire of playing fiscal games ...
And make sure I never took the blame -
If I were a congress - man!
59 - Dave Nalle
OMG we've created a monster. Kill it now before it breeds again.
Silas, yours started out great in that first verse, but as you went along the meter became more and more forced.
dave
60 - Silas Kain
A monster I am. Aw, Dave, was it because I touched a nerve? Every time I go to give this Administration the benefit of the doubt, they do something else to shoot me down. Very disappointed I am.
61 - Nancy
Dave-! What a way to talk about my artistic efforts! If it all wasn't in fun, I might have had hurt feelings. Besides, you can always come up with another of your own; I'm interested to see what else you've got. Musically, that is.
62 - Silas Kain
True conservatives won't rewrite lyrics unless the authors get a royalty.
63 - Dave Nalle
Well, I was considering doing something with "A Wandering Minstrel" from The Mikado - perhaps "A Maundering Wastrel" in honor of Teddy Kennedy...
Dave
64 - Nancy
Maundering Wastrel would be apt only if you include Dubya ... altho I think Ted actually is a more fitting subject for any verses regarding drink. Come to think of it, despite party differences, they ARE rather like Tweedle-Dumb & Tweedle-Dumber, aren't they?