Speaking to a crowd of enthusiastic supporters, President George Bush stated today that while he’s pleased with the work his administration has done so far, the United States still has “a long way to go” to be a true third world country. “We’re not all the way there yet but I can report that the finish line is finally in sight.”
In the main body of his remarks, the President stated:
"We still have a decent health care system which is accessible to almost half the population. Obviously we need to get that down to around ten percent. Also, child labor is still technically illegal in most states which hurts us in competition with countries like Bangladesh and Indonesia. The minimum wage needs to be brought down to about $0.25 per hour.
Education is also a key. Too much time is being wasted on science and math putting our kids at a serious disadvantage to those in Afghanistan and the Sudan where four to five hours a day are spent in religious training.
I’m also concerned about water and air quality levels. I’m proud of what we’ve done on water quality in Louisiana and I want to credit Mike Brown for doing a heck of job with that. Brownie, stand up and take a bow. But we’ve got 52 more states where people just turn on the tap and drink freely regardless of their economic station. That needs to change.
The President said he was “heartened” by the remarks of Archbishop Paul Cordes, the Vatican Emissary to the United States sent to bring aid to the victims of Hurricane Katrina. After touring Louisiana and Mississippi last week the Archibishop called poverty levels there “shameful.” In thanking Cordes for his kind remarks, the President noted that the Archbishop has “seen some of the poorest and most blighted parts of the earth” and that “it really means something for Cordie to be impressed by our poverty levels.”
In closing, the President asked for the country to be patient. “I think most people understand that I can’t undo eight years of the Clinton administration overnight. " Paraphrasing Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., the President concluded: "I may not get there with you, but my brother Jeb probably will.”
Pub:NB
Article comments
1 - marc
In short, BS.
Unless, of course it's labled as satire. Which it's not.
2 - The Fifth Dentist
Of course its labeled as satire, you tard.
3 - Douglas Anthony Cooper
Lovely. And the first comment's almost as amusing as the piece itself. (Bush's supporters are all either rich, or stupid.)
4 - alethinos59
Good post Fifth!
5 - John Bil
It would be funny if there wasn't so much truth in it.
6 - Dave Nalle
Perhpas he meant that satire is supposed to be funny and this is just bitter and petty?
Dave
7 - alpha
It could not possibly be satire. We do have poverty, illiteracy and prejudice. Jeb Bush has a whole state to himself. And the emerging third world spends a lot of time now either laughing at the US or being fearful of its unbridled use of power.
George Bush is leading us into the third world with a string of non-productive actions and uses of mega-billions of dollars. Who, after all, cares about the investment in health care, education and scientific research when you can throw a war?
Fifth did a first rate job.
8 - Robguy
At first I thought it was just another Bushism like -
“Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we,” Bush said. “They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we."
9 - Douglas Anthony Cooper
Dave, this "bitter and petty" critique is getting a bit tedious. What you mean is "he doesn't agree with me."
I don't sense a trace of bitterness. I say that as a guy who, when I think about this repulsive administration, could get deeply bitter.
And what's petty about satirizing the Worst President in History? Christ, satire is *civilized* -- as opposed to, say, the standard-issue Republican smear job.