President-elect Barack Obama made his first visit to the White House at the invitation of George Bush. Although reporters were kept away from the meeting, and the two offered no remarks after the visit, your intrepid reporter has sources deep inside the presidential mansion and has learned much of what transpired between the two former adversaries.
In addition, one can learn much from the media stories flooding the already saturated public brain sewers.
One news report noted that “Bush and Obama strolled down the White House colonnade side by side, chatting amiably.”
The walk was not as innocent as it might have seemed, a fact not lost to the nation’s media. “A few minutes after the couples entered the White House together, Mr. Bush and Mr. Obama reemerged and strolled along the colonnade past the Rose Garden to the outer entrance to the Oval Office. Mr. Obama walked just at Mr. Bush’s shoulder and appeared to be speaking animatedly, gesturing with both hands. Each of the men waved several times to reporters and others off camera.”
As followers of the series, “West Wing,” will already know, that outside area is where presidents sneak out for a smoke or a quick hit off a flask.
“So, Barack, can I call you Barack?” asked the president. Barack nodded and smiled, and George continued. “This here area is the most important part of the part of the White House you’re going to have, you know? Like, when you want to cadge a butt from one of your aides, this is the place to go.”
Bush looked around to make sure his wife, Laura, wasn’t within ear shot. “She’s got ears like a fox,” he said.
“All wives do,” agreed the newcomer to world dominance. “If I even think about a smoke, Michelle starts hollering.”
“Well, this is the place,” Bush said before they went into the oval office. “By presidential decree, women aren’t allowed here.”
“What about blacks?” Obama asked.
“Old Harry Truman integrated the colonnade walk,” he said, “back in ’46, I believe.”
“Good man,” Obama said.
“For a Democrat, you betcha.”
After carefully examining this sanctuary, Obama said he was ready for the big moment: The Oval Office. Perhaps most significant, “Bush allowed Obama to enter the historic office first.”
“Someday, Barack, all this will be yours,” Bush said, “so you might as well get a good look without me being there, you know, doing a standing in your way thing or a quick Texas two-step.”
Article comments
— go to most recent comments1 - S. Lee
If you can't do better than this happy garbage, give it up.
2 - RJ Elliott
Mildly amusing. Thankfully devoid of too much partisan venom. Good work.
3 - Dawn
Sheesh, it wasn't that bad. Plus, I can totally imagine Barack saying "If I even think about a smoke, Michelle starts hollering."
btw S. Lee, who tinkled in your Cheerios? Lighten up Francis.
4 - keekster
Seriously amuzing! It was a wonderful blend of information and entertainment! To be a fly on that Oval wall would have been a trip. You seemed to come very close though!
5 - Dave Nalle
I liked it, but it might be more truth than satire.
Dave
6 - Ruvy
Mark,
I know you felt you were under the gun on this article time-wise. But IMHO you should have set it aside for one day to let it mature in your mind. I sensed half-baked pancakes here, and half-baked pancakes don't generally taste good, in spite of the good intentions of the baker.
I'm not telling you this because I'm such a great satirist (or even satyrist) but because I realize just how hard good satire can be.
I stay away from it for that reason.
7 - Mark Schannon
Well, Twain was wrong. You can fool all of the people all of the time. Only Dave was closest to the truth.
You'll note that I didn't put Satire in the title...because I do have sources inside the WH, and this really is a news article. More important, it's all true.
(Ruvy, between us & don't tell anyone, I wondered about it, so I showed it to my bride who loved it. I didn't feel so much under the gun as I'm forcing myself to write even though it still doesn't come as naturally as it once did. And, if everyone loves a satirical work, it didn't work...which is a really neat way of saying you can't fail at satire, ROFL.)
In Jameson Veritas
8 - Mark Schannon
BTW, try this one. It'd been rattling around in my brain for a while. Sorry, don't know how to put code in these comments...or if I did, I forgot.
9 - Glenn Contrarian
Mark - good article...the camaraderie is probably closer to the truth than most would admit.
'In Jameson Veritas' - is that "J. Jonah Jameson"?
10 - Glenn Contrarian
It WAS J. Jonah! (just saw the 'Daily Bugle' front page at your link....)
11 - Christopher Rose
Mark, I fixed up your comment and, for future reference, this is how to format a link. It's easy!!
12 - bliffle
Maybe Bush told Obama about the $2trillion of welfare distributed SECRETLY to major US corps the last couple of years without oversight!
Over and above the current $700billion handouts to welfare corps.
Apparently, Bloomberg dug this out. they used about 11 existing government programs, 8 of which were created in the past 15 months, to avoid detection.
I guess the looting of the USA continues on unabated. Looting by the business community, not the commies, not the liberals, not welfare queens, but the most respected companies in the land.
Is this the moment that Dave, Al, Doug, Archie, etc., are waiting for? So they can break out their shotguns, commandeer heavier weapons from the NG Armory, etc., to overthrow a malevolent invader?
13 - Lisa Solod Warren
I like this little secret.
14 - Dr Dreadful
The BBC had a good photo yesterday of Geordie and Bazza shaking hands. Unfortunately they'd cropped it, so I couldn't tell if either of them were crossing their fingers behind their backs.
15 - bliffle
Oh, here's the citation: Bloomberg
Let's see, Daveco were making brave statements about radical action for when Obama reveals his secret socialist plan to usurp power, what are they going to do now?
I suspect that they'll knuckle under. They'll even find alibis and excuses for this glorious administration, which even in it's last dying days seeks to deliver a Parthian shot to the USA and it's forlorn citizens.
Ptooey!
16 - Mark Schannon
Christopher, thanks. I wrote it down (which I'll no doubt lose) & will try to do better in the future, LOL...or just avoid links altogether.
Glen...just a coincidence. Jonah Jameson would never drink Jameson Irish! He's more of a beer guy...no disrespect intended to beer people out there.
In Jameson Veritas
17 - Caranza
Why is there a problem with US government helping out US business. They need to do it because other countries do it on a massive scale every day, to the point where businesses have become like another arm of those governments. If the US doesn't do it, how do we remain competitive and keep businesses active here? These are the businesses that hire most of us and keep the economy going.
V.C.
18 - Lisa Solod Warren
I don't have a problem with helping out the Big Three, but in a creative way. Give them incentive to build a better mousetrap (Ie., get rid of the gaz guzzlers, Hummers, HUGE trucks except where needed and other idiot cars and come up with what they shoudl have come up with 30 years ago: fuel efficient cars that run on alternative fuels). The car companies have been lazy and greedy and stupid. I don't want to see another 2.3 million jobs lost and small town decimated by all the other businesses that would suffer when those people lost their jobs.... BUT you can't just hand the Big Three cash and walk away. There needs to be some responsbility here. They have been incredibly dumb in producing big, fat fancy cars while Korea and Japan and others have stolen the market. That should tell all of us something.
19 - Clavos
They didn't just build the wrong kind of cars; they have built crappy ones for decades.
Given the choice between similar cars, one american and one Japanese, most savvy consumers will pick the Asian car - even if the american one is cheaper.
And with good reason.
20 - Glenn Contrarian
Mark -
Ah. Why did I not make the leap from vino to Jameson's? I must be getting waaaay slow.
But that was a pretty good coincidence - but always I thought he was the type for single-malts....
21 - Mark Schannon
Clavos, amen to that. The big 3 were so insulated, isolated, and arrogant (hmmm, sounds like a soon-to-be-former president) that they couldn't see their foundation crumbling underneath them.
However, as much as I hate to see $ being tossed at their incompetent asses, I fear the consequences of letting any of them fail. Lisa's right that it has to be a smart investment on the part of the government, although what constitutes smart is tough given the stories about Fannie Mae today & how the gov't bailout may actually be hindering them from doing their primary job.
sigh...
In Jameson Veritas
22 - Mark Schannon
Glenn...we'll that makes two of us who are slow.
Huh????? I don't get you comment. I'm melting, I'm melting, who would have thought that a little girl could destroy all my evil...ahhhhhhhhhhh
In Jameson Veritas
23 - Lisa Solod Warren
Yeh, Clav, But that COULD have been different IF the Big Three had gotten off their lazy complascent asses 30 years ago... and not let the Japanese run rings around them for years.
24 - Clavos
Agreed, Lisa.
But they didn't.
If the goal is to help out the workers, spend the money paying them a living wage directly while they take obligatory retraining (also paid for) for different careers. When they're fully trained for new jobs, help them find them and make relocation mandatory if the new jobs require it.
Close the car companies - they're dinosaurs.
I say a little economic Darwinism is in order here.
Otherwise, we'll be throwing good money after bad.
25 - handyguy
Overgeneralize much?
They have come up with a few good cars in the last few years...the Ford Focus, Ford Escape Hybrid, the Chevy Malibu. Perhaps too little too late. And they produced the gas guzzlers because they were popular and profitable, not because the auto makers were too stupid to make other kinds of cars. And Ford's and Chevy's pick-up trucks remain the best-selling vehicles in the US, quarter after quarter.
Some of the financial problems are about huge pension and healthcare obligations that carry over from the dear old days of corporate paternalism, right?
So it's a little more complicated than that Honda and Toyota are smarter and nimbler [although they are]. Their sales are tanking too, but the companies aren't in danger of going under.