An unknown English cabbie deserves the thanks of a grateful nation for alerting police to an obvious terrorist he was taking to the airport. According to BBC News, Harraj Mann (an obvious alias) asked the cabbie to play a subversive and terrorist theme song on the radio — The Clash's "London Calling". It contains the line, "War is declared and battle come down," which everyone knows is Al-Qaeda code for "Kill the infidels, women and children first."
Also note, you can rearrange the words to say, "Come down and battle. War is declared." These terrorists are so stupid!
Always alert, the cabbie called the police who arrested Mr. Mann after he boarded the plane at the airport. It's not clear what happened to him in detention, but rumors are that he was brutally tortured by being forced to listen to Barry Manilow records for six hours. In addition, he said later he was questioned under the Terrorism Act, all 400 pounds of it. The weight, he told reporters, was almost worse than the Barry Manilow songs.
He finally broke down and revealed all.
The problem was that all he could reveal was that he was a mobile phone salesman of Indian origin. Despite the torture, they could get no more out of him, so they released him.
A police spokesperson said that "it was not just the music Mr. Mann requested, but the 'overall impression' he gave that aroused the taxi driver's suspicion."
When asked what that impression was, she said, "Safety is paramount and we respond to concerns from members of the public in the way they would expect us to." Since news of this near disaster hit the streets, the police have been flooded with calls from concerned citizens about suspicious-looking people in their neighborhoods, on busses, trains, in their backyards, and outhouses.
The cabbie, contacted by this intrepid reporter, showed no remorse for fingering the wrong man. "Hey," he said, "he didn't look like no bleedin' Englishman. He wasn't white. For all I know, he coulda been a bleedin' Arab. Plus, I hate that fucking song. Serves him right for having such bad taste in music."
It is rumored (rumoured, in England) that Prime Minister Tony Blair is going to award the cabbie the county's highest terrorist honor: "The Golden Garter of Gandalf."
This reporter will stay on the story as more information breaks, or until he can come up with more rumors to spread.
Article comments
1 - Matthew T. Sussman
"For those about to jihad ... FIRE! (boom) Weee saaaaluuuute youuuuu"
2 - Nicholas Bowman
"The Golden Garter of Gandalf."
3 - Mark Schannon
Hey, It was the highest honor I could think of.
4 - gonzo marx
you missed the other tune the passenger was singing along too...
the Immigrant Song by Led Zeppelin
makes it too easy, don't it?
Excelsior!
5 - Mark Schannon
Where'd you read that? You must have better sources than I. Had I known that, it would have made perfect sense of the cabbie to call the police.
In Jamesons Veritas
6 - gonzo marx
heh...
All things Considered on NPR last night around 5:10 pm est
Public Radio for the win!
Excelsior!