LeVon looked inside at the source of the commotion, and a big, black-haired, overmuscled brute of a man wearing a black leather biker jacket and jet-black sunglasses. He held a piano in his bare hands and used it to back at least a dozen local men against a wall. "Noooo!" cried the men. "Ahhrr-rr-rr!!!" grunted Mahn-go. "Mercy!" wailed the men. "Ahhrr-rr-rr!!!" growled Mahn-go. And LeVon knew that his only hope...was a candygram.
Five minutes later Sheriff LeVon and Deputy Barney stood before the door to the Golden Bear Saloon. Barney glanced disparagingly at LeVon Notrauma's plan. "Look, friend, don't you think this plan's a little long in the tooth? You've got your stimulus — maybe you can convince Mahn-go that he needs some of it." LeVon shook his head and tersely motioned for Barney to continue the plan. Barney sighed, and rapped on the door loudly, "Candygram! Candygram! You down with C and G, I'm down with C and G! You down with candygram, I'm down with candygram!" It was a sight, watching a fat old white man with a curly black wig and a frilly corset gyrating to a beat only he could hear, pretending to hold a mike less than an inch from lips fattened by years of injections of what LeVon hoped was Botox.
LeVon hissed, "No, you dummy — don't rap on the door...knock!"
Barney grinned, "Sorry - couldn't resist." He knocked on the swinging door loudly and called inside, "Candygram for Mahn-go!"
Mahn-go slowly turned, fixated on the door from whence his name was being called, and tried to remember the proper response. It was a word he'd learned the week before...and remembered it! Immensely pleased with himself, Mahn-go replied, "Huh?"
The call came from behind the door once more. "Candygram for Mahn-go!"
"Oooh! Oh boy! Mahn-go never had candygram before!" He looked menacingly towards the men he'd trapped behind the piano and warned them in a deep, menacing tone that none who heard it could ever forget, "Ah'll be bahck!" Mahn-go tromped to the swinging doors, opened them to look outside, and suddenly something massive struck from the side in the dark…and Mahn-go was gone! The men inside quivered with fright as they felt the ground tremble, thoom, thoom, thoom, the terrible tremors fading to silence and nightmarish memory.
The hardened, grizzled rustlers and gunfighters looked at each other in stark terror. “Was it…was it the Scarlet Pumpernickel?” one gasped, his voice weak, barely audible.
Article comments
1 - Glenn Contrarian
Man, but the silence is deafening!
I guess this is what it feels like when the author stares at the copies of the book that he wrote, and sees that not one of them has sold....
2 - Dr Dreadful
I literally don't know what to say.
3 - Dan(Miller)
Doc,
Perhaps -- but you say it elegantly and with great clarity.
Dan(Miller)
4 - Glenn Contrarian
Hey - it's PARODY, people...pointing out a few odd similarities between our political world of today and 'Blazing Saddles' of over a generation ago. I put 'satire' on the 'category' line, but the new site structure didn't allow for that to be made obvious.
YES, the next installment is ready...but I'll wait a week (though some might say to wait forever....)
5 - Glenn Contrarian
BUT if you're not fans of Mel Brooks, Monty Python, Rocky Horror and the like, you probably wouldn't understand. I guess I've committed the sin of marketing to too small of a niche to make much of an impression....
6 - Dan(Miller)
Glen,
If you want more comments, just start a pirate joke or horse shoe joke thread. That seems to work.
Dan(Miller)