The townsfolk were stunned at the sudden turn of events, and finally all the womenfolk began to cry piteously, for they knew that Goldwater Junction needed that stimulus in the worst way. "Will no one help that poor man?" they wailed almost as one. But the men were frozen in indecision, not knowing how the loss of a great stimulus would affect the future of their little town.
But LeVon decided he'd better not wait. Once more his eyes narrowed with menace, "I mean it! I'm a-gonna cut it and y'all just gonna haveta do without!" And the terrified victim returned, "He means it, he means it! Don't let him cut my stimulus, oh, but he means it!" And LeVon began to edge his way down from the gazebo, slowly moving by jerks and spasms to the vacant sheriff's office with alternating repeats of "I'm a-gonna cut that stimulus!" and "Oh, don't let him do it, oh, no-oh-oh!" until he was able to shut the door in behind him. Once inside, he leaned against the wall in relief.
Barney had already let himself inside and was seated across the sheriff's desk. With a shaky hand he gestured to the padded leather seat that obviously belonged to whoever was currently sheriff of Goldwater Junction. "Glad to see you could make it, Sheriff Notrauma. Why don't you have a seat and I'll pour you a shot. We got lukewarm whiskey, tepid whiskey, and room-temperature whiskey — which one would you prefer?" He didn't wait for an answer and poured a double shot for his boss.
"What, no ice? I guess I'll take a weather shot, then — just make sure it's the same temperature as the weather, okay?" LeVon half-stumbled to the desk and slumped into the chair. "Man! I knew these were just backwoods country folk, but...." He knocked back half the shot glass, grimaced, and shook his head in astonishment.
"Don't be so shocked, my friend. These are just simple people of the soil." Barney took a swig from the whiskey bottle and continued, "And you knew there would be some resistance to you — a man of the world — becoming their new sheriff."
"Yeah, I know. By the way — where were you when they were about to hang me?"
“Well, I thought that you already knew what it was like to be hung," Barney paused for a moment, lingering over that last word, "and I knew you'd figure a way out. Besides, what could I really have done to help you?" He stuck out his right hand and held it motionless in the air for the sheriff's benefit.
Article comments
1 - Glenn Contrarian
Man, but the silence is deafening!
I guess this is what it feels like when the author stares at the copies of the book that he wrote, and sees that not one of them has sold....
2 - Dr Dreadful
I literally don't know what to say.
3 - Dan(Miller)
Doc,
Perhaps -- but you say it elegantly and with great clarity.
Dan(Miller)
4 - Glenn Contrarian
Hey - it's PARODY, people...pointing out a few odd similarities between our political world of today and 'Blazing Saddles' of over a generation ago. I put 'satire' on the 'category' line, but the new site structure didn't allow for that to be made obvious.
YES, the next installment is ready...but I'll wait a week (though some might say to wait forever....)
5 - Glenn Contrarian
BUT if you're not fans of Mel Brooks, Monty Python, Rocky Horror and the like, you probably wouldn't understand. I guess I've committed the sin of marketing to too small of a niche to make much of an impression....
6 - Dan(Miller)
Glen,
If you want more comments, just start a pirate joke or horse shoe joke thread. That seems to work.
Dan(Miller)