The new sheriff refused to allow himself to show any fear as he boldly stopped at the entrance of the gazebo, dismounted, and walked briskly up the steps. "People of Goldwater Junction! My name is LeVon Notrauma, and this" — he gestured to the man who had rode with him into town — "is my deputy, Barney Frank-n-furter.”
“That’s Frahnk-n-furter!” hissedthe deputy to his left.
Sherriff Notrauma didn’t miss a beat. “Deputy Frahnk-n-furter. As I was saying, I'm honored to be here today, because not only am I your new sheriff, but I have been sent to bring you some change, to breathe some new life into this town!" He paused for effect, and a quick glance told LeVon that he was in big trouble. Every pair of eyes was red, angry red, murderous red...and eager to see just how red his own blood was. But he had a job to do. "So I figured what this town needs is a stimulus, and I'm bringing you the biggest stimulus you've ever seen!" The citizens were still a dangerous mob, but now he had their curiosity and figured that it was do-or-die time. "So now let me whip this out!" he shouted, reached down into his pants and pulled out the stimulus that he figured this town needed so very badly.
The crowd gasped once more, for it was indeed the biggest stimulus they'd ever seen! At that moment, a dozen "cha-clacks!" filled the air as all the men nearest LeVon pointed their shotguns at the new sheriff. The meanest of them, 'Mad Dog' Biff Giuliani, growled in a gravelly voice, "We here at Goldwater Junction are real Americans - we don't need no stimulus. You just keep your stimulus, y'hear? In fact, we'll stop this stimulus right here and now before you can give it to anybody else! You got any last words afore we have another hangin' here, darkie?"
LeVon looked at the men, taken aback for the barest of moments; and suddenly his eyes took a sheen of madness and his corners of his mouth curled with evil glee. Before anyone could move, LeVon yanked a Bowie knife from the sheath strapped to Old Man McCain's leg, grabbed his stimulus with his other hand, held the Bowie knife's razor edge a hair's breadth from the stimulus, and warned the crowd in a voice full of rage and hate, "Nobody move! I'm a-gonna cut off this stimulus, and you ain't a-gonna get nuthin'! You hear me? You ain't gonna get nuthin!" Then LeVon's face changed as if by magic, and sudden he was wide-eyed with terror! "Oh, no-oh-oh-oh! You a-better do what he says, oh no-oh-oh-oh! Oh, puh-lease don't let him cut off my stimulus oh no-oh-oh-oh!"
Article comments
1 - Glenn Contrarian
Man, but the silence is deafening!
I guess this is what it feels like when the author stares at the copies of the book that he wrote, and sees that not one of them has sold....
2 - Dr Dreadful
I literally don't know what to say.
3 - Dan(Miller)
Doc,
Perhaps -- but you say it elegantly and with great clarity.
Dan(Miller)
4 - Glenn Contrarian
Hey - it's PARODY, people...pointing out a few odd similarities between our political world of today and 'Blazing Saddles' of over a generation ago. I put 'satire' on the 'category' line, but the new site structure didn't allow for that to be made obvious.
YES, the next installment is ready...but I'll wait a week (though some might say to wait forever....)
5 - Glenn Contrarian
BUT if you're not fans of Mel Brooks, Monty Python, Rocky Horror and the like, you probably wouldn't understand. I guess I've committed the sin of marketing to too small of a niche to make much of an impression....
6 - Dan(Miller)
Glen,
If you want more comments, just start a pirate joke or horse shoe joke thread. That seems to work.
Dan(Miller)