This is funny but the point is serious:
- With just three weeks to go until Election Day, the Federal Election Commission stunned the political world today by announcing that the election would be cancelled and that a focus group of nine voters in Ohio would pick the nation’s next president instead.
The focus group, consisting of four men and five women, are expected to convene every day between now and Nov. 2 with electrodes glued to key regions of their bodies to measure their every response to President George W. Bush and Sen. John Kerry.
While reaction to the FEC’s move was mixed, one election official in Florida praised the decision to cancel the vote: “This is kind of a relief, because we tested our new electronic voting machines last week and none of them really worked.”
Moments after the FEC’s announcement, the two candidates pulled their political ads from every state but Ohio and started tailoring their messages to appeal to the nine all-important focus group members..... [Andy Borowitz]
If you aren't in a "battleground state" you may not get a whiff of either candidate in your neck of the woods; and if you are in, for example, Ohio, you may wake up to find Kerry or Bush using your bathroom. There doesn't seem to be much in between. Even in this age of ubiquitous electronic media, there is nothing like a flesh appearance to drive interest, local media coverage, and to give voters a sense of a relationship with a candidate, however illusory it may be.
Since the campaigns, pollsters, parties, and the media use every available means - including the dreaded focus groups - to figure out how to stragetigize, best use precious resources, and schedule appearances, Borowitz's scenario isn't all that farfetched.
And since the one irreducible element of all this is that candidates can only be in one place at one time, I think the real answer to the dilemma - and the possible savior of face-to-face democracy in the 21st century - is cloning (although the notion of "one man, one vote" would have to be reevaluated). That way the entire nation can enjoy the personal attention now reserved for battle ground states and focus groups.
Almost certainly not coincidentally, Borowitz will be appearing at a "Laugh 'em Out of Office," um, "fun-raiser" for MoveOn.org along with Paul Krassner and Joel Pett in Cleveland tonight . If only entertainers were allowed to vote, the election would be a Democratic coronation.
Article comments
1 - Tim Hall
Have you read Interface by "Steven Bury" (actually a pseudonym for Neil Stephenson)
I would guess not, otherwise it would have been an amazon like for this post :)
2 - Eric Olsen
No Tim, I haven't, but thanks! I shall add it forthwith - tell me more.
3 - Big Time Patriot
I think this is almost true, but the 9 person focus group is in Washington DC and instead of elecrodes they wear long robes.
With the almost certainty of substantial touch screen voting uncertainty and other election issues, I'm afraid we might be back to that focus group that counts the vice-presidents hunting body as an "undecided".
4 - Tim Hall
Interface is part day-after-tomorrow SF, part political parable, funny in places and deeply scary in others. To say much more would give away the plot, but it takes the concept of focus groups to the logical conclusion. Just beware of Economic Roadkill.
5 - Eric Olsen
I am intrigued - good point about the Supremes, BTP
6 - Big Time Patriot
"Distraction" by Bruce Sterling is also an interesting take on the future of Politics, a combination of high tech and old fashioned back room bargaining.
7 - RJ
I think there is a better than even chance that this whole thing will come down to a few thousand (or hundred) votes in Ohio.
Bush was doing well there until the first debate. Now Kerry has a slight lead (within the margin or error).
If Bush loses Ohio, he needs to win Wisconsin and Iowa (and hold New Hampshire). If Kerry loses Ohio, he needs a near-miracle comeback in Florida.
8 - Lono
Ah, finally someone else as puzzled and frustrated with phrase 'battleground state'. I wrote about this on my blog back in May. I'd cut and paste the piece here, but it stands better in it's own environment > so for some grand, and amusingly bitter, into the Battleground state nonsense... please go here
you will be greatly rewarded,
Lono
9 - Eric Olsen
on a serious note, Ohio is a battleground state because it has a relatively high population and thus electoral votes, but more so because it is an remarkable microcosm of the nation as whole - a mixture of urban, rural, suburban, Democrat, Republican, industrial, service, agricultural, etc, etc - it is a bellwether as well as a swing state.
Comparing Ohio to Nebraska and North Dakota is like comparing Pennsylvania to Iowa and South Dakota.