Some mornings I feel exhaustion for no reason other than the fact that I'm a gay American. I wonder if my fellow citizens who spend their days campaigning and crusading to limit my civil rights — the civil rights that they themselves take for granted — ever consider the inhumanity and irrationality of what they do? And I wonder if the millions of Americans who stand by apathetically and allow this travesty to play out with each passing day ever consider the emotional anguish they are deliberately or carelessly causing to millions of children, teenagers and adults?
I wonder if they wonder what it's like to live with the fear and reality that in most parts of this nation you can be legally fired from your job, denied housing, refused a room in a hotel or barred from public facilities simply because of your sexual orientation. I wonder if they wonder how a gay child feels when he or she is called an abomination, prevented from attending a prom with his or her high school sweetheart, or beaten up in the schoolyard while homophobic teachers look on with contempt.
If one assumes — and I do — that given the right information most people will do the right thing, it is very difficult to understand the degree of homophobia and outright hatred that manifests itself in this great nation. Why are we, as Americans, so out of synch with other Western democracies? Why are civil rights more widely protected and honored in the EU, in South African and in Canada then in the land of Jefferson, Madison and Lincoln? Most of us don't kick puppies or set out in the morning to cause emotional or physical harm to other people, and yet most of us are doing just that even if it just through apathy.
Who is harmed by two adults of the same sex falling in love, making a commitment to each other and wanting to raise a family? In a nation where most children are being raised by single mothers and where thousands of children are abandoned, orphaned and homeless, do we really believe that such children would be worse off in a loving home with same-sex parents? Who benefits from preventing a gay man from sitting at the hospital bedside of his critically ill longtime companion? Who is harmed by adding sexual orientation to federal laws that prohibit discrimination in the workplace, housing, education and services?
Article comments
— go to most recent comments1 - Dave Nalle
I wonder if they wonder what it's like to live with the fear and reality that in most parts of this nation you can be legally fired from your job, denied housing, refused a room in a hotel or barred from public facilities simply because of your sexual orientation.
Where? Give us some examples of where this persecution is taking place.
Dave
2 - Jet in Columbus
Dave after all the "Phelps funerals" you really have to ask?
3 - Al Barger
Jebus criminy with the cheesy, sweeping drama queen act here, Dick. "I wonder if the millions of Americans who stand by apathetically and allow this travesty to play out with each passing day ever consider the emotional anguish they are deliberately or carelessly causing to millions of children, teenagers and adults?"
Oh My God. I mean, what hysterical overreaching. So you're saying that anyone who doesn't actively support gay marriage is in bed with Fred Phelps? Are you out of your tree?
So I reject your utterly ridiculous assertions that gay marriage is your constitutional right that evil George Bush has taken away from you- at the risk of being likewise demonized. I dig your commitment to a healthy fantasy life and all, but seriously, dude. Do you think that we're all supposed to be so intimidated by the threat of being called a bigot that we'll all just accept anything you say?
You seem to have this bizarre intellectual construct that you can just call anything you want a "civil right," and since "civil rights" are sacrosanct, then you must be given what you want or else. Then you work yourself up into being all mad and heartbroke over the world not 100% twisting itself into pretzels to give you everything you demand in response. Again, this leads me to suspect that you might be a couple of freedom fries short of a full Happy Meal.
Also, I recommend that readers interested in your tenuous grasp on reality follow that link to the National Review website posting about Mitt Romney. In your eagerness to demonize all conservatives as evil bigots, you misrepresented the story exactly 180 degrees. It was The New Republic (a more leftwing publication) that was carrying on about not wanting a Mormon president. The National Review writer was calling bullshit on them. But don't let mere facts get in the way of your hissy fit.
4 - Dylan
As a gay teen, I find that marriage is one of my civil rights.
From what I hear around every in my town (they're all Mormons), only "true believers" deserve the right to holy matrimony. "Well," I say, "nobody is complaining about the athiests getting married. They don't beleive in anything."
Marriage stopped being religious the moment legal forms were included -- if you wish for it to be religious, hold it in your own church under your own laws. That's my opinion.
5 - PeterJ
Jet, do you really believe anyone worth while takes that moron seriously?
I'm sure that gays have their share of judgemental fools to beware but I think the most dangerous and detrimental to your well being would be the silent minority.
I believe that society has made great strides in dealing with homosexuality. The difference in attitudes from just the 80's is monumental. I would hazard to say that more people in society today would side with gays over the ridiculous notions of such a bigot.
Just look at BC. Writers and commentators here display attitudes from every walk of life from all around the world. Do you believe that anyone is swayed by your sexual preference? No one who counts for anything.
6 - SHARK
re: hyperbole, street-corner monologues, Shakespearean rhetorical questions, and going "over the top" in general
Personal Anecdote Warning:
I live in one of the most redneck, right-wing, bible-thumpin' states in the Union [Texas] -- and I can just about spit out my window and hit a pretty successful, out/open gay person who's living -- what appears to be -- a free, unmolested, relatively uninhibited life.
I'm sure the cards are stacked against SOME gays in SOME ways -- but I see more acceptance than repression.
Gotta run!
The Gay Rodeo is about to start at the Cowtown Coliseum!
xxoo platonic, of course!
S
PS: re: Mormons -- this "liberal" believes they shouldn't be allowed to own pets -- and that they should be subject to mandatory post-partum "abortions". Is that too much to ask???
7 - SHARK
Richard: "Some mornings I feel exhaustion for no reason other than the fact that I'm a gay American."
Dear Richard,
I'm not an expert on "stress management" -- and I understand it can be dangerous to get between a person's anger/frustration and the Object Of It -- and I also know that folks in the throes of an emotional problem can be a bit touchy...
BUT...
Ever get up some mornings and just think about the fact that you're... like... a HUMAN?
or... like... I dunno... WAVES OF ENERGY?
or...
anywhoo - ya get the idea, right?
xxoo
S
8 - Bliffle
Homophobia kills. It's murderous. I've seen too many gays, too many too close to me, killed by homophobia, to avoid that conclusion. Whether it's thru legal oppression or scorn, they're killing people. Is that what they want? Are they consciously killing people while avoiding the responsibility?
9 - Jet in Columbus
There's a simple-a very simple-test to all you nay-sayers with the instant label of "Drama Queens!!!" and your instant pronouncements of over exagerations and "No one discriminates against gays anymore.
If you actually believe that, then the following test should be easy, but I doubt you have to balls to back up your words...
Walk out the front door and in a completely serious tone, tell two neighbors who you don't or just barely know, that you're gay. Don't lisp, don't put on an act, just be yourself.
Should they ask, your wife/girlfriend is a lesbian that you married to cover up the truth with, but you're tired of lying to the world.
Just think a minute about the termoil (and be honest to yourself about it) that your brain just went through just considering if you actually did that-and the unrepairable damage to your reputation it'd cause... even after you deny it your friends will still look at you funny and see "signs" that aren't there.
Wait exactly 72 hours before denying it.
Watch the number of neighbor kids dwindle that come over to play with your kids. Watch the fights at your kid's bus stops in which the word "faggot" is used. Watch the stares of near strangers who must've just found out.
Watch the sneers of guys that once were your friends. See how few (if any) come up and shake your hand or call on the phone to say it doesn't matter. Notice how the phone stops ringing.
Am I over exagerating? Then do it and PROVE me wrong, then call me a poor little baby drama queen, but I absolutely guarantee you don't have the courage to live in my world. Unless you are willing to do that you have no fucking business calling anyone anything.
Then you'll see what it's like to live in our world.
Jet
10 - Jo H
Thank you Richard and Jet. You expressed something that many people feel and are glad that someone acknowledges and is able to voice for those who remain quiet. It's time though to call out a lot of people for hypocricy and "soft"-prejudice.
...peace
11 - Dave Nalle
I live in one of the most redneck, right-wing, bible-thumpin' states in the Union [Texas] -- and I can just about spit out my window and hit a pretty successful, out/open gay person who's living -- what appears to be -- a free, unmolested, relatively uninhibited life.
Shark, I live in a rural part of the same state - way less liberal in its views than where I suspect you live, and in our small town we had an openly gay guy elected president of one of our local service organizations a couple of years ago.
Some people don't quite get the distinction between the appearance of holding to traditional values and the reality of bigotry.
Dave
12 - Dave Nalle
Dave after all the "Phelps funerals" you really have to ask?
Jet, he didn't say one word about bigots protesting and funerals - and let me add hetero soldiers funerals - he said "legally fired from your job, denied housing, refused a room in a hotel or barred from public facilities simply because of your sexual orientation"
That's what I want some examples of, with an emphasis on the word LEGALLY. You sure can't do it legally here in Texas, and there are few states more conservative on these issues than we are.
Dave
13 - Richard Rothstein
David Nalle says: "Where? Give us some examples of where this persecution is taking place."
I don't even know where to begin with this. David, do you not read newspapers, watch the news, check out what's happening in the world on the Internet? Your statement is somewhere between ridiculous and disgusting.
Did you read the story about the landscaping company in Houston that openly discriminates against gay families? Have you been hiding under rock while the United States military has fired over 10,000 gay men and women over the past few years? How have you missed the stories about gay college students who have been thrown out of schools throughout the South and Midwest when they were discovered to be gay? Ignorance is no excuse for breaking the law and ignorance is no excuse for being guilty of bigotry. Shame on you, Dave Nalle. Shame on you. And, to be honest, I don't have to prove anything to you; rather you and your kind have to prove why you should be excused for bigotry and ignorance.
14 - Jo H
Dave Nalle - try a Google search.
Al Barger - How come "freedom of religion" doesn't extend to Christian churches, Bhuddist temples, and other religious congregations that consecrate same-sex unions or include them as sacrements? How does the fear argument outway the first amendment? And your whole argument, even if it centers on marriage, is dissmissive of the idea that there is no logical reason to treat gays/leasbians/whatever differently under the principles of our Constitution.
SHARK - I live in Texas too. In the DFW area. In Teaxs, Dallas is one of the only places you can't get fired for being gay (legally; because of a city ordinance), and outside of the loop (Highway 360), and many parts of Plano, it's fairly well known that most communities are a "no man's land" for gays. I think your guilty of at least as much selective perception as you accuse this columnist of.
15 - Richard Rothstein
Yes, many states and cities extend employement and housing protections to gay Americans, but the federal law does not, allowing the majority of states and communities in this nation to discriminate and trample of our civil rights. Again, shame on you for denying this.
16 - Richard Rothstein
By the way,Dave, "traditional values" is a code word for bigotry and you know it. "Traditional values" was used to justify slavery, oppress women, deny women the right to vote, and commit genocide against Native Americans.
17 - Jo H
Dave Nalle. Thats great that you seem to live in a community that believes in equality, but not everyone does. I'm glad that you are supportive of gays/lesbians being treated equal, but you have to realize that not every community is like that. And near larger liberal gay-accepting communities there tend to be a growth of reactionary conservative communities that feel the necessity of fighting against what they percieve as the corruptive influence of the gay-accepting ones. Unfortunately many people can't seem to live their beliefs through their own lives. Maybe this tendancy is wanning, but the ones who get targeted the most are the ones who overlap with other stigmatized groups, especially the poor. So while it's easier to avoid discrimination when you have the money to move, work, shop, congregate wherever you want, those who are less monetarily advantaged have to recieve the brunt of retribution.
18 - IgnatiusReilly
I have no idea how bad gays have it, and it's disingenous for straight people to act like they do.
If you need examples of gays being fired for their sexuality, you are either ignorant or lazy or more likely a combination of the two. Google "gays fired from military" and you will see plenty. My favorite are the Arabic linguists because really, who needs them when fighting against Al Queda.
Barger has a problem with gay marriage because he doesn't want to increase the pool of people who won't marry him. It's bad enough no woman will.
19 - Richard Rothstein
Ignatius is my new hero.
20 - Al Barger
Brother Jet, as a college boy in the 80s, I had a poster of Michael Jackson in full Bad leather regalia. Plus, I had a framed, full-size poster of Prince's nude Lovesexy album cover on my walls for most of three years. Plus, I had a roommate who liked to "dress up nice" as he put it.
Surprisingly, it turned out that a lot of folks thought I was gay. Even now living down on the farm with no Prince posters or cross-dressing roommates, I find there are folks who figure I'm homosexual because of the way I talk, ie that I have a large vocabulary. I had a 10 year old neighbor explain it to me that way over the summer, in fact. Of course, he didn't quite have the vocabulary to say that, use of "big words" I think being his best articulation.
All of which entirely amuses me. I don't consider it anything against my reputation to be thought of as gay, and generally don't bother denying it. Heck, I might take a notion to go rubbing around on some good looking young man sometime just on general principles.
But it just doesn't much matter if idiots think I'm gay. I'm not that interested in associating with people who'd be seriously put off by that anyway. Why would I care?
Some folks are going to hate you or beat you just because, and if it weren't for being gay it would be for being rightwing or leftwing or Catholic or black or something. As Roseanne Rosannadanna noted, "It's always something."
I'm sympathetic to being a little sensitive about people being hateful to you - cold pricklies are a poor substitute for the warm fuzzies we all need. Some folks are just big meanies.
But then I see something like this from Bliffle, and I blanche: "I've seen too many gays, too many too close to me, killed by homophobia." I'm frankly just not believing it.
For starters, "homophobia" doesn't exist. It's a concept, not an object. Now, it might be halfway reasonable to use that language if Bliffle were claiming that he has been watching rednecks shooting queers. It would be reasonable to characterize that as homophobia killing someone. I somehow doubt that, though.
Unless he's in fact been witnessing homicides, that kind of ridiculous overreaching is just the kind of thing to draw to my tongue words like "drama queen." I know that you don't appreciate that language, and I don't use it just to be mean - but what am I SUPPOSED to think when I read stuff like this article?
Just consider in your annoyance if being mad at me isn't pretty much a case of shooting the messenger.
21 - Dave Nalle
I don't even know where to begin with this. David, do you not read newspapers, watch the news, check out what's happening in the world on the Internet? Your statement is somewhere between ridiculous and disgusting.
Actually, I do all of those and the stories of gay persecution sanctioned by law are vanishingly few.
Did you read the story about the landscaping company in Houston that openly discriminates against gay families?
That's not legal persecution, that's the right of the company to choose who they do business with. Like any business they have the right not to submit a bid for a job. They were rude to make an issue of the homosexuality, but there's no legal persecution here.
Have you been hiding under rock while the United States military has fired over 10,000 gay men and women over the past few years?
Agreed, it's a ridiculous policy, but enlistees do sign a contract not to openly discuss their sexual preference while in the service. The law is not on their side here.
How have you missed the stories about gay college students who have been thrown out of schools throughout the South and Midwest when they were discovered to be gay?
The only cases I know of are at private, religious institutions - again, these organizations have a right to pick and choose their students and establish criteria for who can attend them. Would you complain if a Jewish school expelled someone who was actually Christian?
Give me an example of a publicly funded university which has expelled a gay student for his sexuality.
Ignorance is no excuse for breaking the law and ignorance is no excuse for being guilty of bigotry. Shame on you, Dave Nalle. Shame on you.
Shame on me for what? For supporting gay rights AND supporting the rights of businesses and other people equally? Shame on you for thinking that rights apply selectively only to gay people.
And, to be honest, I don't have to prove anything to you;
Actually, since you made the claims, you're sort of responsible for backing them up if you want to be taken seriously.
rather you and your kind have to prove why you should be excused for bigotry and ignorance.
My kind being people who have publicly supported gay marriage and other gay rights for years and even written in favor of it here on blogcritics.
Give me a break. There's some bigotry here, but I'm not practicing it.
Dave
22 - Jet in Columbus
Dave when you've completed the assignment in comment 9 let me know, then we'll talk.
23 - Jo H
Al Barger,
I think you're right when it comes to discrimination of many different people but I hope we don't have an active movement trying to place bans on Catholics, Mormons, blacks, conservative, or liberal individuals. Perhaps we do, and if so then this would deffinitely be something I think should warrent swift condemnation and legal opposition.
But I also have to point out that people mistaking you for being gay does not demonstrate you understand the problems someone who actually is gay has to deal with in their daily lives. I'm pretty sure most people are willing to give you the benefit of the doubt when you tell them you're not gay and probably have no reason to treat you as if you were upon your proclaimation. It might be different if you were unable to deny it or if there was proof that you were. So while I agree that it's always good to be skeptical of exaggeration, you may be going beyond skepticism to being simply dismissive.
24 - Jo H
Dave Nalle,
I think your opposition to anti-discrimination laws in general is something that many people don't understand. For a majority of people they believe it is wrong to discriminate in hiring based on race, ethnicity, gender, and disability, and it should also be illegal but there are some that disaggree based on libertarian arguments. I think those arguing for anti-discrimination laws agree and support other anti-discrimination laws and that may be where the main conflict arrises.
25 - Jo H
Another note. Many who support anti-discrimination laws don't see business discrimination as a right. In this manner they distinguish the practice of business from a practice of association. And there is a greater argument to ban discrimination in goverment hiring because the goverment is construed as an entity of and by the people. If all citizens are equal then excluding a griup from goverment employment also excludes a group from a form of participation in government. No matter how much we limit government we still need government employees, so this problem doesn't disappear except in complete anarchy.