It is highly ironic that while many Americans view same-sex marriage as a bedrock issue which must be pushed to the forefront of the political process in virtually every election cycle, regardless of the plethora of more pressing affairs at hand and the reality that the idea of marriage itself is of decreasing importance to our society as a whole, per the findings of a recent study conducted by the highly esteemed Pew Research Center. The reasons for this turn of events are numerous, if not endless, but most striking is the sea change in public opinion on the matter since 1978, when a mere twenty-eight percent of our nation believed that marriage was of miniscule relevance to them, compared with roughly four in ten who believe the exact same today. This is in correspondence with census data released earlier this year which surprisingly showed that an all time low of fifty-two percent of American adults are currently sporting the ball and chain.
While I cannot speak for any of my peers, I can say that I have never seriously considered getting hitched since my days as a young lad in primary school. This is despite having perhaps the most stable home life imaginable, with two loving parents and no siblings around to muck things up. I came to my decision at such a young age after witnessing two events, the recurring memories of which have profoundly shaped my life; the first being a particularly nasty argument between a husband and wife inside a now-defunct Montgomery Ward department store. I do not recall much of what was said, only that the central subject of the altercation was money, neither side came to an agreement, and right then and there I knew wedding bells simply were not going to be a part of my future. The second occurred in the middle of a toy aisle at a Publix supermarket where two boys, both of which appeared to be only a year or two my junior, were taking items off of the shelves, tearing them from their packaging, throwing them about the place, and screaming like savages all the while. Their mother stood by, reading what was more than likely a grocery list without the slightest of cares for what was going on just a few feet away from her. I recall feeling sick, embarrassed, and, above all else, mad as hell at what I saw. When I returned home later that day, I resolved never to have children, devoting my life to the creation of goods and positive ideas as opposed to aiding in their destruction, and, by that virtue, the ruthless pursuit of what I wanted more than anything else on this earth--to be a businessman.
Article comments
1 - Ruvy
....with a divorce rate of nearly fifty percent, taking the vows in modern-day America simply is not worth it. Aside from being a horrid financial prospect, it is a heart-crushingly sad reality that few people in our culture, which tends to worship instant gratification and the ultimately self-defeating entitlement mentality, truly know what commitment to another person is and how to love him or her. With twenty, thirty, forty, and even fifty-somethings operating on a third grade emotional level, failure is destined to be the central theme in perhaps the vast majority of Americans' lives.
Quoted for truth.
2 - Baronius
"the long forgotten era in which marriage was a strictly religious affair in which the state did not involve itself"
When? Marriage, family, religion, and law have been tied together in Western history going back to the Greeks.
3 - Christopher Rose
Surely if the divorce rate is "nearly fifty percent" then it follows that more than half of all marriages are ongoing, making it difficult to conclude that "taking the vows in modern-day America simply is not worth it".
It presumably is worth it to those many couples that stay together, particularly when obtaining a divorce is comparatively easy.
It is difficult to take the author's view, so enthusiastically endorsed by Ruvy, seriously when his complaints of emotional immaturity and failure are based on reasoning so inept on such a simple level as basic maths.
As to the nature of marriage, it is essentially a contract and should therefore be primarily a legal matter, albeit a very personal and intimate legal matter.
Such a union is in and of itself enough reason to have a ceremony and celebration without any religious involvement, which ought to be an optional extra for those couples who share faithist views, as is, of course, their right.
4 - John Lake
I can remember times in my childhood when I made a decision that under no circumstances would I ever marry. I made those decisions with my entire being, and recall them to this day.
But the rare case of a couple staying married for life, till old age is a wonderful and beautiful thing; well worth striving for. My parents lived long lives, both now gone. They were still very much in love until the end. Sadness beyond comprehension.
I don’t worry about ‘gay marriage’; I can’t imagine one lasting for long.
5 - Glenn Contrarian
Last month my wife and I celebrated our eighteenth wedding anniversary. But the reasons our marriage works are largely unrelated to why marriage is becoming increasingly unpopular in America and in Europe.
The biggest single reason is that women don't need men as much as they used to - neither for a livelihood, nor for protection or transportation or, for that matter, sex.
The growing independence of women, people, is one of the products of societal progress...and the decline of marriage - like the decline of the birth rate - is an inevitable byproduct. Marriage will never - repeat, never - totally go away as long as there are men and women. But the simple fact that women don't NEED to be married, and now have much more choice in the matter...is a good thing.
6 - Joseph Cotto
Ruvy, glad to see that you agreed with the central point of my article.
Christopher, with all of the financial implications which marriages entail and the fact that roughly fifty percent of them end in divorce, it is only logical to abstain from having one should you be the highest-earning participant considering the obvious that there is a one in two chance you will be eventually taken to the cleaners. This is both simple math and harsh reality.
John, I do not disagree in the least that a couple staying married for life is an extraordinarily beautiful thing. However, it is such a rare occurrence today that striving for it is likely both a psychologically and financially dangerous, as well as ultimately disappointing, thing. Your parents' story is nothing short of heartwarming, and you have my condolences for their passing.
Glenn, first and foremost, congratulations on your anniversary. This may be the only time in which we will ever agree on something, but I concur with your opinion regarding it being good that women, generally speaking, do not view marriage as a means of self-worth any longer. It is also a very positive development that women who do not wish to have children are refraining from having them, as opposed to what would have been done in years past. Not everyone has the personality required of being a good parent, in my opinion. Knowing one's limitations is key with regards to deciding on whether or not to have children.
7 - Christopher Rose
Joseph, logic can only get you so far in life.
However, it can't hurt to plan for possible problems and it isn't that difficult to arrange your circumstances such that, if disaster or divorce strike, your resources are beyond reach, so I wouldn't bother to avoid marriage and all its potential benefits just because of such things.