But people say, "SHARK! We can't do that! We can't JUST LEAVE IRAQ to the insurgents, the terrorists, and the civil wars!"
"Why?" I ask.
"Because... we just... can't."
"Then," I say, "let's quit screwing around and just bomb them off the map and get it over with."
"No," they say, "That does tend to make it easier to win, but we are trying to take the high road and not 'bomb them into dust', 'hearts and minds' and all that — this is why we are experiencing a higher mortality rate. You liberal wimps must be patient."
"Gee," I say, "kinda sounds like politics is restraining an all-out military victory. Hmm, when was the last time we heard that? mmm... lemme think... Oh yeah, VIETNAM!"
"SO, SHARK, WHAT DO YOU SUGGEST? Just we should nuke the fuckers? Or daisy-cutter major Sunni cities into rubble? Or MOAB Baghdad? Look, I know you don't think we should have been there in the first place. That's a reasonable opinion. But we ARE there. So what do we do now, SHARK?"
"Nuke 'em all?
Bomb civilians without any remorse?
Do what we're doing now, avoiding civilian casualities while going after extremists?
Run away like a French school-boy and scream "We're sorry! We're sorry!"??
Which is it? Or do you have another option?"
And I answer: "OF COURSE I'VE GOT AN OPTION!"
phase 1: EXIT IMMEDIATELY.
phase 2: Line the entire Iraqi border with land mines, barbed wire, and a gigantic wall (built by Halliburton, of course).
phase 3: Step back and watch.
phase 4: Videotape the results from various vantage points along the wall: sell it on late night cable as "Iraqis Gone Wild". Give profits to families of the 9/11 dead and casualties from Bush's Blunder.
(By the way: I'll be announcing my candidacy for President of the United States for the 2004 election by the end of this week. Email credit card numbers to: electshark@not_really.net)
Article comments
1 - HW Saxton Jr.
Shark,You're the Michael O'Donohue of the 21st Century. "Iraqi's Gone Wild"...
LOF'inL.!!!
2 - Shark
Saxton, Thanks, man, but WILL YOU VOTE FOR ME?
(Actually, I don't even care if you vote for me -- as long as you send money.)
Thanks in advance,
Shark
(Proud *owner of a Silver Star from Vietnam)
*ebay
3 - HW Saxton Jr.
Shark, I'll check the ashtray in my car
and see what I can scrounge up. Maybe at
least enough for a 6-pak of "Pearl".
No guarantees but,you've definitely got
the vote.
PS: You really saw The Moving Sidewalks?
4 - Shark
IRAQ: 1000 DEAD AMERICANS
Happy Anniversary, President Bush -- you lying lowlife motherfucker.
5 - Bennett
Whereas THIS post garnered damn little reaction from the Military Republocrats.
It's hard to shoot down, is what.
Great one.
More please.
6 - Dave Nalle
That might be because this post is idiotic and sensible people make a practice of ignoring Shark.
Dave
7 - MCH
A rather childish, shallow snipe for a man of your vast superiority and limitless intellect, Nalle
8 - Bennett
Heh. Love you too Dave.
9 - Shark
DaveNulle: "...sensible people make a practice of ignoring Shark."
...Which you're apparently unable to do.
So Dave, how 'bout you meet me at the next Mensa meeting and come take one in the yarballs -- that is if ya got any yarballs.
I'll even let ya bring a Roget's just to even things out.
10 - Shark
Shark's TOP 10 lines from HIS OWN POST (just fer Davey!)
1) "We do what American CEOs do when their companies start sliding toward an economic implosion: We simply resign."
2) "Imagine a foreign army occupying California. Jeesus, give 'em AK-47s and RPGs, and the Crips and Bloods alone could kick the ass of any army in the world!"
3) "I realized that the only time we're going to see crowds cheering in the streets of Iraq is when they're hanging a burned American body part on a bridge as sort of an Islamic/Neanderthal Maypole celebration."
4) "I mean, what are you people waiting for? Democracy?"
(hehe!)
5) "...Bush Jr. will have to drop a few H-bombs and incinerate Iraq just to save face and show that even testicles are bigger in Texas..."
6) "...sounds like politics is restraining an all-out military victory. Hmm, when was the last time we heard that? mmm... lemme think... Oh yeah, VIETNAM!"
7) "Videotape the results from various vantage points along the wall: sell it on late night cable as "Iraqis Gone Wild"."
8) "...I figure if everybody is saying it, it must be wrong."
9) "I don't see that this position has any real opportunities for me in the future."
10) "Slim Pickens would have."
11 - SHARK
For those of you who missed it, I wrote this OVER TWO YEARS AGO.
It's not only still true, but things have gotten much worse.
I happened to notice TODAY that one of my earliest predictions about Iraq [Hi, Nalle!] came true today: The head of Iran KISSED the head of Iraq! We went to war to install a "democracy" which voted for a Shiite THEOCRACY that is closely aligned [See "Siamese Twins"] with Iran, that axis of Evil nation which is about to get a 'nook-yul-er' weapon.
Mind if I say...
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