A Fate Worse Than Death? Life As An American Vice President

Around UAlbany's beautiful uptown campus are Fucillo-sized posters of famous alumni. The posters are nice, but what astonishing achievement is required for current students to get on them? Future alumni at The College Of William & Mary have a worse dilemma; William & Mary students have Thomas Jefferson strolling around their eternal school reunions. Good luck topping that guy at a party:

“What'd you do after college?”
“Me? I Squeeze the anal glands of dogs at PetSmart. You?”
“I wrote the Declaration Of Independence.”

You have the opportunity to top the Jeffersons of the alumni world by taking on a job that will guarantee your place on a UAlbany poster. I'm talking about earth's greatest gig: Vice President of the United States. How do you get selected for the cushiest of cushy jobs? You can run for President and flameout while sucking up to potential nominees like Joe Biden. You can balance the ticket and meet the needs not met by the nominee like Sarah Pallin. Or you can have your buddies in Congress back you during a sudden change in the administration like Gerald Ford. Running for President in the general election and finishing second like Jefferson is no longer an option; So start smiling, kiss babies, make friends, and plan a half-assed presidential campaign. Go ahead, this column will be here when you're done.

If your ticket loses, no one will remember. If your ticket wins, you're in! Nothing is sacrificed by you accepting the VP nomination. The nomination should be enough to qualify you for a UAlbany poster, we hope, but then what? What do you look forward to for the next four years? If you said, “serve as president of the Senate”, you fail, the correct answer is “almost nothing”. The Vice President barely presides over the Senate; They're rarely there unless a tie-breaking vote is needed. The president pro tempore runs the show in place of the Vice president, But they have evil flying deputy president pro tempores to run things. Simply put: someone else is doing the job of someone who is supposed to do your job.

Article Author: Brandon J. Mendelson

Brandon J. Mendelson is acolumnist for the Albany Student Press and Blogger for the Albany Times Union. You can follow Brandon's college survival guide at The Graduate Student Survival Guide

Visit Brandon J. Mendelson's author page — Brandon J. Mendelson's Blog