PlayStation 3 Review: Lollipop Chainsaw

I’m really not entirely sure what the current obsession with zombies is as it already stands, but anytime you mix hungry hoards of the living dead with the insane surrealism of Japanese anime humor, the result is something only a hipster could love. And Lollipop Chainsaw — the torrid, faux-grindhouse-esque tale of a zombie-killing high school cheerleader who also happens to have some magical powers — is something that surely must have been developed in one of the lower circles of Hell, thrust upon the world like an aborted anti-Christ shot out of a very large cannon from the top of Mt. Everest. Thank you, Japan.

We begin with our stereotypical perky teenage heroine, Juliet (who looks like an über-nerd’s unsettling masturbatory dream come true, and is voiced by the wonderful Tara Strong), looking forward to this day, her 18th birthday. Sadly for her and her boyfriend Nick (Michael Rosenbaum), today is that fateful day wherein the dead walk the Earth — seeking warm human flesh to munch upon. Fortunately, Juliet is armed with her trusty chainsaw (which slices and dices better than any Ginsu knife ever could), and dispatches the members of the undead onslaught with great glee. When her beau is bitten, Juliet cuts off his head and uses her magical powers — passed down from generation to generation — to keep his severed (talking) noggin alive.

That’s when the fun begins (for Juliet, that is). Making the most of her acrobatic skills, Juliet punches, kicks, and uses a variety of combo attacks to send the dead back from whence they came. Since even a talking, lopped-off head can come in handy during the apocalypse, Juliet can occasionally launch what’s left of Nick towards her foes, or even place him atop the shoulders of a recently decapitated zombie to take have an extra set of hands and feet at her service for a short while. Along the way, Juliet earns gold and platinum medals from her various acts, which she can exchange for upgraded character stats, new attacks, music (the game does have quite a soundtrack, I must admit), artwork, and costumes.

Of course, the zombie apocalypse is just the beginning of the story here. Lollipop Chainsaw continues to dive into that world of weird Japanese shit as the storyline finally pits Juliet against an evil goth fellow named Swan (somewhere, Paul Williams is crying), who has used his black magic to summon the whole bloody catastrophe to begin with. There’s even a character named Killabilly in the game — which should give you an inkling of how witty the whole thing is. Now, if this sounds like your cup of tea, then please, have at it. I wish you all the fun in the world. For me, though, Lollipop Chainsaw is an inane, trendy piece of work full of repetitive action, stupid one-liners, and no redeeming value whatsoever.

Lollipop Chainsaw is rated M (Mature) by the ESRB for Blood and Gore, Drug Reference, Intense Violence, Partial Nudity, Sexual Themes, Strong Language. This game can also be found on: Xbox 360.