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Playing God: 2004 Music Predictions

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~Conor Oberst becomes the new Chris Carabba.

~Chris Carabba becomes the new Prince.

~Steven Curtis Chapman finally realizes that he should have taken his mom seriously when she said “don’t quit your day job”

~Against all odds, Michael W Smith does not release Worship Again, Again. Instead he releases an album completely composed of Pat Boone covers.

~Zao breaks up.

~Carman officially becomes a rude word in the Merriam~Webster Dictionary.

~Creed notices a pitfall in sales, so changes their name to ‘Kreed’ to become more radio friendly.

~Metallica sues all four of it’s fans for talking about the band on their personal webpage.

~Moby gets sued by the RIAA for downloading his own songs.

~Wilco records the follow up to YHF, however, Nonesuch rejects it as being “too rap”. Fred Durst signs them and releases it on his rapcore label. The genre “countrap” is born and Kid Rock approves.

~President Bush starts a rock n roll band called “Shrub”, in an attempt to gain the angst-filled youth’s votes… not realizing that people under 18 can’t vote.

~t.A.T.u. releases the follow up to their lesbian-lust debut and people say, “tatwho?”

~Zao reforms.

~Guns n Roses releases a new cd. No one notices, let alone cares.

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About The Theory

  • =This post is very funny.

    One serious comment then the jokes.

    Conor Oberst’s music isn’t user-friendly enough to make him the next Chris Carraba. I like Bright Eyes but they don’t have that mainstream appeal at all.

    Also, I thought your punchline on T.A.T.U. said Twatho at first glance. That would have been funny, even if not nice.

    Other predictions –

    ~Gene Simmons, resident Kiss pimp AND ho, will start selling Kiss canes, wigs and other Kiss branded prosthetics for his ever aging audience. The rest of us will pray that we never have to hear their music again.

    ~Fred Durst will die in a pyrotechnic disaster onstage and nobody will realize he is gone until the next eminem album comes out and he gets ripped.

    ~Having shown an inability to shock his fans any more, marylin manson will finally reveal that he actually IS Paul from the Wonder Years.

    ~Justin Timberlake will be completely overexposed on very little talent… oh wait, that was 2003.

    ~Ska will make another comeback for about 35 minutes until everyone realizes that it either all sounds the same or is really punk music. Nobody will call Gwen Stefani for a quote.

    ~Finally the RIAA will sue itself for injuring it’s own image. It will later be settled out of court.

  • The Theory

    I disagree. I am not a Bright Eyes fan, but I think his melancoly will be perfect for the angst filled youth in 2004.

    And I think he’s perfectly willing to sell out to do so.

  • stuff like Bright Eyes i just do not get.

    the descriptions often use terms like “depressive”, “melancholy”, etc.

    all i ever get out of voices like that are..well…nothing. a complete lack of emotion.

    what am i missing?

    have i not hung around the mall enough?