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Pat Robertson to Dover, PA: God’s Gonna Getcha!

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Well, isn’t this special? Pat Robertson, self-proclaimed mouthpiece of God and hurricane interventionist, has warned residents of Dover, Pennsylvania, that God may be coming after them and that they shouldn’t bother to ask for His help anytime soon.

What have these Godless heathens of damnable Dover done? On election day, they removed the entire eight-member public school committee and replaced them with people who won’t confuse science with religion. The ousted board had “ordered schools to read students a short statement in biology classes informing them that the theory of evolution is not established fact and that gaps exist in it.” Science teachers also had to mention that intelligent design is an alternate theory to evolution and point students to a book for more information.

The town, with the help of the ACLU, has taken the school board to court. The Pennsylvania supreme court will rule on it in the next few weeks. Apparently, Dover voters weren’t in the mood to wait for the decision.

Of course, to the ever moderate Robertson, this vote indicates that Dover rejects God entirely, thus earning them his and His wrath:

“I’d like to say to the good citizens of Dover: if there is a disaster in your area, don’t turn to God, you just rejected him from your city,” Robertson said on his daily television show broadcast from Virginia, “The 700 Club.”

“And don’t wonder why he hasn’t helped you when problems begin, if they begin. I’m not saying they will, but if they do, just remember, you just voted God out of your city. And if that’s the case, don’t ask for his help because he might not be there,” he said.

Now, I haven’t read any stories about churches being shut down in Dover as a result of the recent election. I haven’t seen any headlines proclaiming that residents don’t want God in their town or in their lives.

In fact, the new school board plans to include intelligent design in the Dover schools’ curricula. So God isn’t even been removed from the schools, never mind the town itself. The new board just wants to move him out of the science wing and down the hall to a comparative religion classroom, where he belongs.

I’m not surprised Robertson is misrepresenting the Dover vote. But at least he’s honest about one thing: he admits that intelligent design is about God. Most intelligent design proponents play possum and pretend that it’s not, just so they can sneak it into science classrooms without violating the prohibition on preaching religion in public schools. They proclaim, curiously, that the designer of the universe and life itself could be, you know, anybody — it doesn’t have to be God.

All I can say is THANK GOD the Dover residents didn’t have anything to do with gays in this vote. Because, frankly, gay people have caused the biggest tragedies on our soil in the past five years. Hurricane Katrina? That’s what Louisiana gets for … um … the choice of Ellen Degeneres as a TV awards show host, even though they didn’t actually choose her, she’s just from New Orleans. Terrorist attacks in NYC and Washington? Also Ellen Degeneres’ fault.

“This is the second time in a row that God has invoked a disaster shortly before lesbian Ellen Degeneres hosted the Emmy Awards,” Robertson explained to his approximately one million viewers. “America is waiting for her to apologize for the death and destruction that her sexual deviance has brought onto this great nation.”

Can you imagine? One woman’s orgasms — so powerful, they can destroy a city and fly planes into buildings. So if some tragedy befalls the good people of Dover, Pennsylvania, at least they can suffer God’s wrath knowing that it would have been a lot worse if Ellen Degeneres had “come” to their town.

[Also posted at Bitch Has *Word*.]
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About bhw

  • http://w6daily.winn.com/ Phillip Winn

    Pat Robertson is a flaming idiot who is best represented by the Pharisees that Jesus tangled with in the gospels. Clearly Robertson has never really read the gospels, as Jesus is asked about the concept of moral judgement as related to natural disasters and political persecution, and rejects such claims. Then he goes and picks more fights with Pharisees.

    A flaming idiot. Definitely.

  • http://www.bhwblog.com bhw

    Please don’t use the word “flaming” when referring to Pat. I don’t think he’d like it.

    Heh.

  • http://w6daily.winn.com/ Phillip Winn

    The thought that he wouldn’t like it was foremost in my mind when I typed it. ;-)

    I’m not suggesting he’s gay, of course. That’s too stereotypically silly. I’m just thinking of another biblical story, in which a “man of God” is ignoring God and shilling his authority for personal gain. To stop him, God sends an angel with a flaming sword, but at first only Balaam’s ass can see him.

    So I got to thinking about Pat Robertson, and an ass, and a flaming sword, and… well, it all went together somehow.

  • http://www.djradiohead.com DJRadiohead

    Pat Robertson is going to put Leno and Letterman out of business if he keeps saying preposterous things where people can hear him.

  • Duane

    BHW, thanks for pointing out the essential blunder made by Roberston:

    …he admits that intelligent design is about God.

    I’m sure the folks behind the ID movement wish that Robertson would just shut up and stop spilling the beans.

  • http://www.elitistpig.com Dave Nalle

    That’s ‘Ellen Degenerate’, don’t you know.

    Dave

  • Eric Olsen

    nice job bhw! This would be funny if we hadn’t been seeing what can happen when people blame the lack of appropriate belief in others for the troubles of the world and act to eliminate those people

  • http://alienboysworld.blogspot.com alienboy

    You mean The Republicans and the Fundamental Christians, right?

  • Rob

    I can’t believe the stuff that comes out of Pat’s mouth! What scares me more is that there are people that actually believe his BS!

  • ClubhouseCancer

    Pat has built a shrewd fortune on hate and silly crap belived only by the stupid and will continue to do so. Your take on it is funny, but of course, as EO points out, the situation really isn’t funny.

    I, too, could bilk people stupider than me out of oodles of cash just like scumbags like Robertson, Ratzinger, Moon, the Scientologists, John Edward, etc., but of course I never would.

    I’m too moral.

  • Baronius

    What I find most interesting about Robertson is that his jaw seems to be getting smaller, and his cranium bigger. In about two years, he’ll be imprisoning Captain Pike on Star Trek.

  • http://biggesttent.blogspot.com/ Silas Kain

    This isn’t the first time Robertson has threatened the wrath of God upon a community. What is outrageous is that this maniacal false prophet can carry out “God’s work” and enjoy tax breaks. There’s an IRS probe going on and according to the LA Times:

    Over the last year, the Internal Revenue Service has looked at more than 100 tax-exempt organizations across the country for allegations of promoting — either explicitly or implicitly — candidates on both ends of the political spectrum, according to the IRS. None have lost their nonprofit status, though investigations continue into about 60 of those.

    We live in a democracy where the freedom of religion is a core right that Americans value. That doesn’t mean God isn’t in the political debate or doesn’t have a place in it. There’s nothing wrong with religious leaders taking a political stand provided that they are equal in their share of tax liability with the secular portion of society. If the residents of Dover, PA are confronted by any type of disaster that hints at Divine Intervention does that mean under civil law that Pat Robertson could be tried as an accomplice? Does that mean that every faithful viewer to his brand of preaching who financially contributes to his organization should be prosecuted for funding the intervention?

    Pat Robertson is a cancer on Christianity – the immoral equivalent of the Taliban. He is a verbal terrorist in the name of Christ, misguiding souls to carry out destruction in the name of the Lord. Evangelist voters didn’t reject God. They rejected another attempt by the religious right to impose one set of beliefs upon society. The students in our schools are entitled to know all the theories be it Creationism, Evolution, etc. A well-educated child will be able to reach his/her own conclusion. The teaching of character and accountability carries far more importance than this science debate. Oh, I forgot, if we made those cornerstones of American education it might put Pat Robertson and his minions out of business. Hmmm. That’s not such a bad idea. Rev. Robertson, go ye forth and multiply. When you’re done, go to Hell.

  • http://limulus_polyphemus@hotmail.com JR

    Dover needn’t worry too much. It’s a small town and if Katrina taught us anything it’s that God has bad aim.

  • http://biggesttent.blogspot.com/ Silas Kain

    But, JR, New Orleans was destroyed because of its unGodly ways and voodoo. The poor had forgotten that Jesus was their only salvation and would take them out of their abject poverty.

  • kittygogogo

    As “The Daily Show”‘s Stephen Colbert pointed out, it’s not the gays, it is the gay adjacent (French Quarter is still standing!) that God really hates.

  • Alethinos

    I find Pat’s comments frighteningly similar to what we are hearing in the Muslim world now: “You’re not MUSLIM enough because you don’t think as I do!”

    According to Pat, the people of Dover, excercising their CONSTITUTIONAL RIGHT are ungodly. Odd. According to Pat God was right there during the writing OF the Constitution. According to Pat all the Founding Fathers were frothing-at-the-mouth, Bible-thumping Christians bent on creating a Theocracy of sorts.

    Don’t think we can’t have religious wars here folks. It is statements such as Pat’s that begin it. Much later, after the blood and tears people ask, “How did this start?!”

    Well, it starts JUST LIKE THIS…

    Alethinos

  • http://w6daily.winn.com/ Phillip Winn

    Except, of course, for the part where people take Pat seriously.

    I mean, I know some frothy right-wing religious wackos, but even they don’t take Pat seriously any more.

  • Alethinos

    PW, you simply know Frothy Right Wing Religious Folk, or FRWRFers that have perhaps been getting their coffee at STARBUCKS more often than not. The caffeine there has a more salubrious effect on various parts of the brain that correspond to “higher” reasoning capacity…

    Trust me, there is a whole world of Pat Puppets out there… And they all drink SANKA…

    Alethinos