These are serious times. The economy, the cultural civil war, the two real wars and the seemingly endless list of franchise opportunities that lay on the horizon – all immensely serious topics.
But be honest. Like me, you’re dying to see the Vice Presidential debate between Joe Biden and Sarah Palin, and it’s not because of Joe Biden. Nothing of substance is going to come out of that debate. It won’t provide any great answers to our country’s future, but admit it; we’re not missing that thing for the world.
The Republicans have had Sarah Palin guarded closer than Fort Knox, and yet gold like the following comes out every day:
Couric: And when it comes to establishing your worldview, I was curious, what newspapers and magazines did you regularly read before you were tapped for this to stay informed and to understand the world?
Palin: I've read most of them, again with a great appreciation for the press, for the media.
Couric: What, specifically?
Palin: Um, all of them, any of them that have been in front of me all these years.
Couric: Can you name a few?
Palin: I have a vast variety of sources where we get our news, too. Alaska isn't a foreign country, where it's kind of suggested, "Wow, how could you keep in touch with what the rest of Washington, D.C., may be thinking when you live up there in Alaska?" Believe me, Alaska is like a microcosm of America.
Wow. She couldn’t come up with one. Even Dan Quayle would have been able say, “Katie I make sure that I’ve read the entire Washington Post, Wall Street Journal, and New York Times before breakfast every day.” He’d be lying, but he would have been able to do it.
Just how bad should I feel that I’m looking forward to the next Tina Fey sketch where she just echoes Palin word for word, more than I am the resolution of the subprime mortgage crisis? How can I spend time reading about our progress in Iraq, when I’m busy watching clips of Matt Damon comparing her candidacy to a really bad Disney movie where mom saves the world?
Then there was this gaffe that Peggy Noonan and Mike Murphy made with host Chuck Todd when they thought their mikes were off.
Mike Murphy: You know, because I come out of the blue swing state governor world: Engler, Whitman, Tommy Thompson, Mitt Romney, Jeb Bush. I mean, these guys — this is how you win a Texas race, just run it up. And it's not gonna work. And –
Peggy Noonan: It's over.
MM: Still McCain can give a version of the Lieberman speech to do himself some good.
Chuck Todd: I also think the Palin pick is insulting to Kay Bailey Hutchinson, too.
PN: Saw Kay this morning.
CT: Yeah, she's never looked comfortable about this –
MM: They're all bummed out.
CT: Yeah, I mean is she really the most qualified woman they could have turned to?
PN: The most qualified? No! I think they went for this — excuse me — political bullshit about narratives –
CT: Yeah they went to a narrative.
MM: I totally agree.
PN: Every time the Republicans do that, because that's not where they live and it's not what they're good at, they blow it.
MM: You know what's really the worst thing about it? The greatness of McCain is no cynicism, and this is cynical.
CT: This is cynical, and as you called it, gimmicky.
Those are Republicans! Honestly, I'm not trying to be partisan – I'd like to be, but I'm too busy following the carnival. Am I on Punk''d – where's Ashton?
For my money, when it comes to Palin, James Carville is the guy that you can’t afford to miss. Is there a conservative female pundit alive that he hasn’t been seen opposite on one talk show or another?
Here’s a brief summary of every show Carville has been on for the past week.
Conservative Female Pundit or Politician: She is an incredibly smart, tough woman with executive experience. I find your opposition to her sexist and demeaning to women.
Carville, his eyes bulging in disbelief as if he’s being forced to explain why gravity keeps objects from floating off into space: How is it demeaning to women? Please! I supported Hilary Clinton for President. She is eminently unqualified for this position. Here are 80 Republican women that I would consider great candidates for Vice President – Olympia Snow, Kay Bailey Hutchison, Condoleezza Rice …. Martha Stewart, Paris Hilton, Lindsey Lohan. I mean this is just absurd!
I actually feel sorry for Joe Biden. Just how thoroughly can he thrash this poor woman without looking like Jack the Ripper? The over/under on how many time he says, “with all due respect” in that debate has to be somewhere around 100.
How can Biden truly win this thing? If this debate is even considered a tie, Hilary Clinton is replacing him on that ticket in about as much time as it takes for Barack to find her speed dial extension on his cell phone.
This debate is a lose/lose for the country, but for the entertainment seeking viewer it's a win/win. If Palin goes out there and kicks Biden's ass, that's like the Cubs winning the World Series. You'll be telling your grandkids about it!
If Barack Obama was really as smart as his die hard supporters say he is, he’d have his wife go out there and thrash Palin so Biden didn’t have to be the bad guy, because I’d bet almost all of my life savings that she could do it without the hours and hours of preparation that Palin is going through right now as she desperately crams for this sideshow.
Go ahead, call me sexist. Tell me that I don’t understand small town values and pluck. I know I'm going to hell for finding so much glee in this. I know that this should be an important serious affair, but then again I didn't make the most cynical Vice Presidential selection in the history of American Politics. Couldn't they have gotten a blood relative of Aaron Burr or Spiro Agnew instead?
Look, you’re going to be watching that debate for the same reason that I am. You're not? You also watch NASCAR for the excellent skill of the drivers and the thrill of competition at its finest, right?
I’m looking for the ghastly wreck, and I strongly suspect I’m not alone.