We can usually see trouble coming when we know our bad qualities are in play. We overspend, drink or eat too much, are disorganized, arrive chronically late, get lazy, behave rudely, procrastinate, or fail to change one of our bad habits.
But – have you ever treated someone well or done a good deed, only to have it blow up in your face?
We don't understand how trouble follows when the intention of our behavior is good. But it's true: our good qualities can lead us into trouble even more often than our bad ones, because we do not monitor how they impact us. If we mean well, we expect the outcome to be positive as intended. We fail to see how being "good" (nice, kind, forgiving, generous, respectable, etc.) can bite into our self-esteem and warp our relationships by attracting the "wrong" people to us.
- If we are consistently too generous, we are likely to let others take advantage of us.
- If we are selfless regarding others, we lose ourselves.
- When we are easygoing and back down on our opinions in order to please others and keep them happy, our own life becomes less satisfying and meaningful.
- When we are carefully respectful of the needs of others, we often overlook situations where it is in our best interest to take a stand on our own behalf.