Osama Bin Laden’s latest video statement in “development hell.”
Written by Joe Wilson
WASHINGTON D.C. (PoopyCaca.com) – The latest video release from Osama Bin Laden has hit a series of production obstacles, which is keeping the biggest name in terrorist videotaped statements out of the limelight.
White House Press Secretary, Scott McClellan, said that intelligence officials from the U.S. and Britain have independently confirmed that Bin Laden’s latest video project is “on the back burner due to creative differences.”
According to the intelligence reports released by the White House today, the standing exclusive distribution deal Bin Laden had with Al Jazeera was discontinued when the network learned that the most wanted terrorist on the planet was shopping for distribution deals with other networks.
Bob Sherry, CIA spokesperson, said, “Our intelligence shows that Osama Bin Laden was in the process of approaching the BBC about an exclusive European distribution deal, which violated the terms he had with Al Jazeera, the Arabic-language television network based in Doha, Qatar. We also have information indicating that the investors backing the project pulled out due to changes in Saudi Arabian tax laws.”
“British intelligence found that Bin Laden was shopping for another deal because he wanted to shoot the latest video statement in High Definition,” explained Scott McClellan. “Bin Laden was on his fourth director and the script has been rewritten by several writers, including script consultant Abdul-Hamid McKee, who is well known in terrorist videotaped statement circles for his manifesto ‘Story,’ which he also teaches as a workshop in Afghanistan and Iran.”
McClellan declined to speculate when the next statement would be released, but did state, “If Bin Laden waits to release the next video until the crowded summer tent pole season, when the field for attention is crowded and many Americans are on vacation, the audience he wants to scare the hell out of may not be there.”